I wandered lonely as a PESH

[Muser]

That floats on high o'er vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of cackling, quaffing, ne-er-do-wells

Pull up a seat, grap a glass of vino and a piece of sushi, it's Delitime again.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, awaiting update

UPDIFFED
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, will she ever stop puking?, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 21 May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.

I had that feeling too Scorps. It is really hard to explain how you can feel awful but still be blissfully happy. And even when having a moan are still 99% over the moon. I think this has come up before, back when lots of us were worried about scans and what not. It's a very hard concept to convey.

Maybe it is about making the effort to do the excited chat as well. Although early on, once the 12 week scan is done, there's not much you can say until the 20 week one. It's just a long waiting game to see when the belly appears, when the movement appears, etc.

Muse, what you say re. making pregnancy look scary is why I no longer come here (unless there are birth tales to read). I would like to preserve my innocent happy expectation (not so uneducated an innocence either - remember I have 10 1/2 nieces and nephews!) as long as I can. I don't quite know how it happened but I have come to associate pregnancy with despondency and self-loathing, and with a contemptible NHS and a catalogue of incompetent stupid midwives and doctors etc., and whilst I am prepared to accept that in a few months I may indeed be heartily wishing myself and everyone else dead, I would like that to be on my own account, and not because I have sort of omsotically absorbed it from elsewhere, if you see what I mean. Pregnancy now, to me, is something to be dreaded, which is a bit of a shame to someone TTC. I have said this in person and in great detail to MrsFC and Drom poor things, so I know it won't come as a shock .

I take what people are saying, but it does feel a bit rich that people who feel well in pg or who aren't pg yet are annoyed at people who are suffering for talking about it! It's not like the people who have genuine reasons to moan are basking in negativity out of misanthropic need. I feel like I daren't post any complaint here now for fear of shattering people's illusions that I have cartoon bluebirds alighting on my burgeoning bump to a background of meadow flowers and pan pip music.

I don't moan about people having an easy time rubbing my nose in it - but that's because I don't feel that, because it doesn't occur to me that I should tell other people how to feel or tell them what they can and can't talk about. Sorry, but there is some real insensitivity going on here. I feel like I'm somehow being expected to apologise for my ill health upsetting others!

PS Head, pg is not scary or to be dreaded at all. If you feel ill, like me and others, then it's just dreary at times, that's all. Even if you do feel v ill comme moi, it's all worth it for the baby and it's not going to last forever, so you just get on with it (albeit with some moaning!).

pan fucking PIPE

That makes me very sad Heads and I would hate to think I had contributed to that. I threw up a lot, but it wasn't the end of the world. I just threw up. And now I don't throw up quite so much. It hasn't been masses of fun, but I wouldn't change where I am for anything.

There are some people at the moment who are having a really hard time. But there are plenty of good stories going on as well, I think they just don't stand out as much. If I get told 5 wonderful birth stories and one hideous one, it's the hideous one that will get stuck in my mind. Human nature.

I just don't want people to feel they can't be truthful on this thread, whether it's saying good things or bad things. Pregnancy is amazing, but sometimes it's really hard for some women. And if someone is having a really hard time, I think they need to be able to discuss that and not feel guilty.

And it doesn't help if the people who are doing fine don't post. Because then you do only see half the picture. Scorps has major health problems, most of us don't, so it's very unlikely any of us are going to have pregnancies like hers. And for me with ongoing sickness, there's MrsFC, Drom, Medee, etc all thriving. So really the outlook is pretty damn good.

I don't mind some moaning. Of course not. I moan. The FC continually berates me for it.

Its just that it feels like its continual on here and I like to talk about shopping and kicking babies and prams (and whether I will EVER GET MARRIED???!) without feeling that I will get dragged into a feminist/religious/competitive health misery/spending money debate.

But I am a latecomer to the ESH scene and feel I have no right to make demands. Which is why I'm going to leave for a bit.

Excellent words, Muse. And I do always take care to point out when I moan about ill health that I was ill before getting pg so that's why I feel so amazingly shite now (I wasn't prepared for the severity and range, of course). My situation is decidedly atypical - which is why the Docs are stumped as to what, exactly, is going on. No-one else has reason to think that their pg will be like mine and I do have a very healthy baby, which is all that matters. This is meant to be a thread where we share and support each other, be that cheering fab stuff on or giving a manly shoulder punch when someone's having a bad day.

Is OK: I wouldn't expect anyone to alter their beahviour on my account or anyfink. People have to be able to say what they're thinking. But I have a pretty conflicted relationship with the idea of being pregnant at the best of times, and a pretty fucked-up relationship with my body, so is just not frightfully good for me being here. Erm, not that I should be here in the first place, owing the my continuing barren status!

FFS, can everyone please stop flouncing you hormonal load of old bints .

Post, don't post, whatever. If you want to hear more happy stuff, post more happy stuff. If you want more moany stuff, post more moany stuff. If you feel shit and need support, ask for it. Variety is the spice of life, non?

As a veteran of this lark I can guarantee that for every joyful, amazing moment you will prob have a shit one at some point. Aren't we here to celebrate and support each others victories and low points? Like any friendship.

Maybe some other sites have it better in that you can divvy the thread up so you only read stuff you are interested in.

Anyway, just my twopence worth.

Gaga - who is very happy that she is pregnant but still shitting herself. So there.

Ha. I was having a little self-indulgent hormonal weep there LadyG and you made me splutter through it. You are my official hero.

It was the hormonal load of old bints that did it, btw. Hang on, there's a large fish round here somewhere I can use to smack people with.

banger Being pregnant is great - and most of us are lucky enough to have well-rounded and fulfilling lives with tons to do and enjoy - as someone else says, it's fun to talk about prams, cakes, bike rides, walks in the country, "what was that bird on the edge of the pond?". Not sure what we can do about crappy NHS staff, perhaps send you to a teaching hospital where you'd expect the staff to be rigorously supervised by proper academics?

MrsFC, that does sound rather like you'd like everyone to keep everything light and frothy. There has to be a balance. Why not introduce those topics more? Instead of people complaining that there's too much moaning, why not try directing the chat into avenues you'd prefer? It might veer into moans, of course, but get proactive!

If I don't talk about the stuff you mention it's because I am utterly skint (I have £100 to spend on Xmas, including food and possibly not even that much) and too ill to leave the house! I also like the darker meat of conversation too (ie debates).

I often feel v left out when people talk about buying all sorts of things and going to lovely places when none of that is an option for me, but I would never dare ask anyone not to chat about them as it would be utterly unreasonable, churlish and selfish. And other people having a different experience to me doesn't upset me or make me wish they wouldn't discuss it, because that would be really immature and unreasonable. So please consider the flipside of what people are asking of the iller PESHes. We really can't get into prescribing what we should talk about just because some avenues of chat don't sit comfortably with one personally. The world doesn't work like that.

Ski, people having a moan about being seriously ill is not because lives are not well-rounded and fulfilling enough. I love my life, for example. Just wish I wasn't so ill, tis all. Just sayin'.

Yes, you are right - I WOULD like it a bit more light & frothy. But if I post something like that you normally turn it into a moan about how YOU can't do anything like that because of your ill health/lack of cash/cripplingly shy boyfriend/dirty mother in law/patronising Uncle/fury at any non athiests/awful ex boss/inability to eat small round fruit.

I felt sick. I gained too much weight. I never sleep more than an hour at a time. I have incredibly painful hips. I have a son I'm trying very hard to integrate into a blended family and my boyfriend is being made redundant and is leaving his job today. We all have issues love.

I just didn't post them here as it did nothing to solve anything.

HB my darling, don't be down on pregnancy, it is fucking AMAZE! I truly love it, despite stupid SPD and stupid smoking husband (yes, that chat went well...) There are obv downsides to pregnancy, and no two pregnancies are the same so I find them fascinating and... well, just miraculous really.

Perhaps we are guilty of only posting in here when we have something we want to get off our chests (me included), so I've done a list...

Things I Love About Being Pregnant

1. All the good feeling and kindness that comes from people when they hear your news.
2. The way Iris puts her hand on my tum and says she can feel baby move, even when baby is asleep.
3. Spending an evening more interested in the goings on in my stomach than by what is on tv.
4. The fact I seem to have this protective hormone-induced bubble around me where everything else matters less. I am less affected by TG's moods (I know it doesn't seem that way of late, but is troo none the less), money worries, car troubles, etc, general daily strife. I am in a happy little bubble and my brain is listening to all the woes of others and saying to me 'well yes, but you are PREGNANT! Yippee!')
5. Baby gets hiccups and it makes me laugh.
6. I have somewhere to rest my dinner plate. This also ensures I do not chuck food over myself.
7. I don't care that my wardrobe is reduced to leggings and long tops and I can no longer reach down to get my boots on.
8. I look at the moses basket next to my bed every night and smile, because I can't wait for our little newbie to be here.
9. The way the baby wakes up and starts moving when TG gets home from work and starts talking to us.

There are probably lots of others but it is nap time, so I'm off to put my feet up. Oh yes - naps, there is another pregnancy thing to be grateful for!

Oh Poo. You of all people have the right to think the whole thing is wretched and yet you take the trouble to post such lovely things. I am sniffling and trying to hug you through the screen. XXXXX

Small round fruit?

Yeah, I have a moan, but I put a funny spin on it. I like to have a laugh at life's misfortunes, like my skanky MIL. If I mention I can't do certain things it's often because I feel embarrassed to not be able to. Getting things out of my system does actually help me. It's not like I moan and do nothing about stuff in RL (am being proactive with my health probs, seeing Docs, making myself go for walks, do mild yoga, etc.). I wasn't brought up to just talk about nice things and I find it boring when people don't want to delve deeper. Not that I want it to be doom and gloom but I don't just want to know a facade. If you chose not to mention stuff, don't be angry because other people do, or that it helps them.

Everyone has a moan about various things at various times, don't make it sound like I'm the only person moaning. I could come out with a list of things everyone else moans about/has moaned about, including you, like you did to me, except I wouldn't, because it's not on to throw personal stuff back in someone's face like that. It's one thing to disagree, another to try to humiliate someone.

PS Am not furious at people not being Atheists. How silly! Not agreeing with religious belief is not the same as hating believers, just as not agreeing with Atheists doesn't mean that that believers hate Atheists.
PPS I only mentioned my uncle once, before I was even pregnant. 'Tis other people who bring him up, for a laugh.
PPPS TYF being cripplingly shy is not an actual issue for me. He is the most wonderful man alive.

I think maybe the humour aspect doesn't always come across well in the written word Scorps.

I do also feel like I don't post on a whole variety of subjects on here anymore for fear of being jumped on and bludgeoned over and over with Why I Am Wrong About That Particular Thing. So Drom and MrsFC aren't alone there.

Anyway. In other news, I heart you Poll for being able to come up with ANYTHING positive in the face of what you're going through, never mind that whole lovely list.

have drafted a response, but as there has been another 4265378 posts, shall read those before I put my size 7s in it!

Smart thinking, Medee! I put forth my opinion and had personal things thrown back in my face.

Cass, I think everyone feels that they're going to be jumped on for saying certain things at times. Me included. I just go ahead and say 'em anyway, that's all. I do have a very dark sense of humour and speak in RL in a very sardonic way. If people don't know me in RL, they probably don't see that I frame virtually everything I moan about in a sarky way. I also like to debate things and don't take the opinions and views of others to heart; I might forget that other people take it personally when others don't agree with them. People not agreeing or having a different take or experience on a subject is not telling others they are wrong about things, however. Too many people can't see the distinction (I'm talking generally, not about the ESH). Personally, I never think my views are more right or important than anyone else's. I just think I have the right to say them, like everyone else does, that's all. If people don't want to say theirs, it's not fair to expect others not to as well. Expecting people to behave like oneself is the quickest way to unhappiness.

I heart Poll for EVERYTHING!

I think there is room for us all here. This thread does need to be a bit more balanced, and I must admit I hadn't picked up on it being all negative -probably cos I am moaning about the not-particularly-important blood thing. I am really enjoying pregnancy at the moment, though totally overdid it at the weekend, and really need to remember that I am not as spritely and lithe (ha!) as I used to be! As long as this can still be a thread to vent, but also to remember the journeys we have all been on and are now on, then it should still be a home for everyone. And yes, I reckon I am thriving with pregnancy ? I?m busier than ever, because I am trying to make as much of the time we have as a couple. And work-wise I am nowhere near as stressed as I would be in my old job. I go to bed at night thinking about the Moses basket which will be there when we get around to buying it. I picture a big activity mat spread out over our posh cream John Lewis rug, and can?t wait. I think about seeing MrM holding our baby, and it makes me well up.

I checked in with MrM last night, on the back of the conversation about PollyPoo's and some of the other blokes, and was relieved to find out that MrM is fine, and not feeling left out. In fact, he's doing more reading than I am! He's worried about how our relationship will change and how hard the first few weeks will be, but we're sure we can get to the other side of it. We are looking forward to returning to the Science Museum in 5 years' time with an inquisitive child to play in the interactive zone, and also visiting Hamley's (when it is less crazy than four weeks before Christmas.)

We've not bought anything yet, but really need to get our finger out and get the pram and car seat ordered. Remember the VAT goes up in January, ladies. Only stuff I have is the little bits and pieces my MIL has bought us, like baby lotion and cotton buds and so on. I do have my eye on the White Company stuff though - perhaps a little sale shopping.

Also, random question for you London ladies. Do you just have to ask people to give you their seats when pregnant? When buttoned up, I probably didn't look very pregnant, so wouldn't have been offered, but plenty of able bodied people seem to chose the priority seats first, rather than leave them open. I didn't quite resort to sticking out my bump on occasion but I wasn;t far off it!

PS, I like my long top and trousers/ leggings uniform du jour.

That's lovely, lovely stuff, Pol. I'm deeply admiring of your attitude and luffs you a lot.

I don't really want to add to the fray, but I think if my behaviour was being questioned a lot and in public, I would be examining a bit and thinking about what to do and maybe change. Rather than justifying it all. That's all.

What. The Fuck. Happened?

Last time I logged on it was all happy happy joy joy. Now we're moaning about, uh, moaning?

LadyG I heart your post. Have a warm mince pie & some clotted cream.

Pollster I heart your post too. I'm not as far gone as you & its nice to hear the things I have to look forward to.

As far as I can make out pregnancy is scary. And exciting. And sick inducing. And makes you smile til your cheeks ache. And makes you hate some foods. And inhale some others. It makes you cry with sadness & happiness at the same time. Tis a crazy time

I like to embrace it all in equal measures.