the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

For the first time in a long time I am able to come here and say i've had an alright week so far - yeah i know it's only wed xx

How's everyone else doing?

Morning girls.

PPM - glad this week has been alright for you...so glad xx

Morning all .

Ppm that has really made me smile
Lets hope the rest of the week is ok too xx

morning girls..

its ages since we had a good barney on the main part of the site!! We should do it at least once a month just to remind them that bereaved mummies are not lepers !!

ppm.. glad to hear you are having a few brighter days.. one step forward (smile)

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Morning. Hope the week stays bright for your PPM.

My sleepings gone out the window gain. Ended up falling asleep on the sofa this morning set an alrm just incase i did nd slept through it. Woke up to my mum in the front room to take us to drop ds at preschool Luckily he'd dressed himself so i just had to put his socks on.

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Tbh, mum having cancer feels completely unsurprising, and rather small potatoes. Not that I'm not bothered, but we don't seem to be feeling it as stressful or a test of our strength.

It's all about perspective I suppose. At least with mum we know what's hapening and can do something to help and support her.

Oddly enough, things feel very settled and calm for the first time in about four years.

Zeno I can understand every word of your post. xxx

Thanks Shabba. It means a lot to hear that.

Thanks lovely ladies! Temporary blip this morning - went to school yard to drop DS1 off and i didn't realise it was 'try out the nursery morning' for the next intake of which Gregor would have been one - The not knowing they were going to all be there kind of floored me a bit about all the what would / should have beens but it hasn't taken over my day iykwim? Quick cuppa with a lovely lovely friend and on with the day x

Zeno - I'm sorry to hear about your mum's illness but i also think i know what you mean about reassessing perspective and the different way in which some things don't really penetrate the way they would have done before - Hugs for you x

Lavandes - I can identify with what you're saying with the knock on effect of having a good day. I kind of look at it like a roller coaster and the higher the high, the lower the low is what i've experienced. e.g. too much energy on one day out means the next couple of days suffer to a degree. Sadly the only thing that does change that is time (who the hell invented time - PPM thinks they have a lot to answer for!!) One thing i am learning is to try and leave some energy in reserve as that will help me deal with the low when it inevitably happens.

Hiya Sassy - can't even begin to comprehend losing three children . Hope you're as ok as you can be today.

Hi ppm. Joining you in blipdom this morning.

Just got off the phone with a close friend who blithely told me all about how his youngest is doing the transistion stuff from preschool to reception and how wonderful and exciting it is. dd adored the transistion visits but died before the new term started.

Also fed up with hearing about how dd's cousin (10 months older than her) is getting on at school well and growing up so much.

Arrows to the heart, every word of it.

I think thats what makes a bereaved parent different.. its the what should have beens

dd/ds should be with all those little ones starting school
dd/ds should be playing outside
ds/dd could have been the lead in that school show

and so it goes on ... the ache is always there

zeno i dont know what to say about your mum except I am really sorry. You seem to be a stronger person than me. When my mum was critically ill last year I got really upset and kept saying havent I suffered enough???

Hello folks,

Not been around for a while, but just wanted to pop in and say hello. A big hello to all the 'new' people on this thread - i'm sorry that we have to meet this way.

Have just finished reading SassySusans thread in AIBU - Susan, i'd glady help you give some of those posters a bit more then a metaphorical slap. I think they either practice being twunts or have an inbuilt ability - they are so very good at it, and as usual it's the same old, same old.

Can i ask a quick question - you know when the hospital do hand and footprints of baby, do you know if they keep a copy as well? And if they do, can you request a copy?

hi dee

I think if you decline the footprints and handprints they keep them because you may well regret that decision

if however you take them at the time I dont think they keep a record

I think this is the case as we asked for a copy for the grandparents but that was the day after he died and they said .. we'll go take them now.. making me think we had the only copy

Oh fuckinell

fm how's your mum doing now?

I don't think we're strong as such - it's more like that thing where you see too many starving people or earthquake victims - compassion fatigue

It probably helped that at the time of her diagnosis I was recovering from a major surgery and high as a kite on morphine for some weeks. Gave me time to get through the shock/horror bit in a haze, and distracted the rest of the family nicely too.

Right now I am refusing to countenance the possibility that she might die. I think she is too. We went together to a neighbour's funeral the other day and were chatting quite cheerfully about how it was a nice change to go to a funeral that wasn't immediate family

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I'll have a large rum'n' coke please, ice 'n' slice. And one of those enormous bags of minstrels that you get at the cinema.

It's also been one of those weeks where you keep having to tell people for one reason or another. At least none of them have been twunty about it though.

Hi ladies, just lost the plot tonight and went and sat on Bs grave and sobbed like a baby.

Sassy I will sadly give some slaps out for you. Very tempting. I just try so hard to let the people I am talking not feel so sad themselves that I end up looking after them not the pther way round. Or I say DS=dead so matter of fact I look like a heartless bitch.

Dee what has happened?

Sorry for not posting much. Hope you are all well.

Hi Shabs thanks for holding the fort and keeping everyone going.

Hiya Charley - Ive missed you xxx

Anybody got any gin and tonic - I will have one of those please and a bacon butty with brown sauce - cause i am a classy bird - many thanks

Ooooohhhhh I wouldn't want you to have all the vodka sassy so i'll have one too please.... hic!

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I've lost Ciaran's hand and footprints that they gave us at the hospital

I thought i'd put them in with his birth and death certificates, but they aren't there. I've looked everywhere, and i've moved three times since he was born I've never felt strong enough to look at them before, but now i feel ready to, and i've lost them!

I think i vaguely remember them doing two sets at the hospital - but maybe that's wishful thinking - i'm sure they gave one set to us and put the other in his notes.

I didn't have them at my local hospital as when i went into labout they didn't have any NICU beds available, so they were born in a hospital 120 miles away. I don;t even know if they'll still have his notes now, almost six years later.

I can't believe i've been so stupid - how could i have lost them?

I'm going to ring PALS/medical records of the hospital they were born at tomorrow and see if they can find anything out for me.