the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

Morning girls. xx

Sassy - nobody can imagine what it is like to loose a child. Nobody can imagine the pain (emotional and physical). Nobody can imagine the anger. Nobody can imagine anything until they have walked a mile in 'our shoes.' I wish MN was around when my boys died. Its a brilliant place to scream in! Sending my love to you and yours xx

Morning all x

Sassy I have just read through that thread . What painful reading , it is just so bloody tiring isn't it ?

The Bear hunt thing has just blown me away .

I do hope you are feeling a bit better after a good rant though ((((((((((((HUgs))))))))))))

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BUT it sounds a fantastic idea Sassy!!!! I think that anger kept me going for a while after the boys. I am, now, sometimes so straight talking that I have to put my hand over my mouth to stop myself. I just remembered that my own HV wrote across Gareths clinic card, DECEASED in red biro. I had taken Danny for his injections and she asked where the other baby was. I would have thought that should have been her job to have been informed.

Oh yes and the TSB when I went to close Gareths account and put it in Dans - they wanted to know why and when I explained they demanded to see the death certificate....that day, I can remember clearly, shouting at the top of my voice to the woman behind the counter, FUCK OFF YOU STUPID BITCH I cried my way out of the bank and my Mum stayed behind to explain.....I hope that bank clerk got the shits for weeks....

Shabs is right Sassy as much as you probably won't do it she deserves a good telling off . I am presuming the school put her right abvout her daft idea ?

Shabs I found a premium bond the other day in Harrys name and I still even now can't bring myself to get in touch with them about it . Digging out the cert and all that horrible phone call just seems to much like hard work .

When you said about your hv it reminded me of the police photos we have got . Because he died at home the police had to come to the hospital and then they took two pics of Harry after he died . I refused them why on earth would I want them when I had so many of him alive ?
But over the months they played on my mind so I rang up and asked for them . The policeman came to my house and gave me an envelope with his name on and Deceased written underneath and then off he went . Why couldn't he have just put it in a plain envelope ? I looked at the pics once and then put them away but at least they are here and not in a filing cabinet somewhere .

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sassy I wish I could hug you. I cannot believe the school wanted the children to sing that song. How cruel. If I was you I would have gone to the headmistress and ranted so much they would have called the police. What sort of stupid insensitive people have they put in charge of small children. I am old fashioned but I would have thought that they could have planted a rose bush ( or a tree) and let the children send up ballons with messages to Catherine tied on, as a way to say goodbye. They are so young after all. Take care xx I am still very angry with this shit life, hope I haven't upset you.

sassy sorry should read balloons. I used to be quite good with words but can hardly string a sentence together at the moment.

Shouldn't worry Lavendes I read it as balloons and had to go back and check when you mentioned it

xxxx

thanks shabs need hugs at the moment xx

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LOL Sassy - if my experiences are anything to go by - they will pat the back of your hand and talk quietly about how Catherine is safe in Gods care.....I dont mean to poke fun at anybody who religion is important to BUT before the boys died my entire family had been Mormons for about 20 years. I loved that religion, I loved the people and their way of life. After Gareths funeral I never went back to the Mormon church and I dont have any plans to do so. I think its God who everytime things are going ok for us, pulls the rug from under my feet. If I catch him I will be shouting and swearing at him!!!

I remember when my dh died, a friend of my sisters came up to me and said to make sure i sent my dh's passport and driving lisence back to be "clipped" apparently not long after her dh died(he killed himself) their bank manager rang her to say that someone had been in the bank with her dh's passport to try and get money from their account! which means someone had been to their house and got his passport!

I'm just nipping in to say hello to you lovely ladies and to ask Sassy if she's ok. You were very brave to post on the AIBU thread - I find it a very scary place that often leaves me feeling somewhat battered. If you don't look at it again, there are some nice people hoping that you're ok. If I were you I'd not go there again - those who say you're being unreasonable have no concept whatsoever. Look after yourself and stay with the warmth and understanding on this thread. Lots of love xx

Hiya MissM - Think Im just going to keep reading and not posting on Sassys thread - the AIBU threads are so horrible at times. I also noticed that the same names crop up on them time after time.

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LMFWAO Sassy xxx

Morning girls xx

morning all xx

I am glad the woman from the church was nice Sassy . I had someone from the local church who used to come and listen to me waffle and thankfully in all the time she visited (about a yr I think) she never once mentioned God . Just as well .

morning girls... life just seems to be busy busy at the moment and i dont seem to have time to post

but I couldnt not post on your thread sassy...

I dont know if you are going back there.. so here's what I posted

aww sassy

unfortunataely anger is another "normality" on the road to recovery

Some of your anger will be aimed at the right person for the right reason.. sometimes it wil be aimed at the wrong person for the right reason and sometimes it will be for no apparent reason.. but grief does this to you .. true friends will undersand and make allowances

Right now you are in the very early days .. I know you dont believe me but it does get better.. for now take life in baby steps .. and deal with each hour as it comes- this stage will pass

and remember "one foot in front of another and dont forget to breathe" copyright shabba circa 2008

I think its great that you posted on the main part of the site.. too often threads like these are consigned to the bereavement section. Now and again its nice to have these issue highlighted to a bigger audience

sassy glad you found the lady from church helpful. Do you find that when you do something that gives you a better day, or when you find comfort from someone, like last night or even here that it does not last very long and you end up feeling just as bad or even worse later. I only talk about Richard and his death with my family and close friends. I cannot talk about it to anyone at work I have put up a barrier around myself, I think this is probably a mistake because when I do start talking I may crumble and never get back together again. I only want to cry in private. How can we 'feel better' or 'have a nice time' after 9 weeks I don't want anyone to say that to me I would rather they said nothing and left me alone. Probably stupid question but if you can't go shopping have you shopped online and have it delivered, I do it most weeks. I can't think in the supermarket. Must clean my house now it is a shitheap, the frantic cleaning didn't last long! By the way I won't be posting on the AIBU thread, can't understand why some of those people are even there,morbid curiosity maybe? will stay here, much nicer people. xx (rambling again)

Greetings all. I've been staying away for a while due to a low patch - you know how it goes. Got tugged back in again by the AIBU thread.

Sassy, I think you're just marvellous, truly. The bearhunt thing has me howling.

Following on from bereavement bingo, I'd like to share with you Trauma Top Trumps. I'm now leading against stiff competition locally having gained a new card for my already well stuffed set in the shape of my Mum's lung cancer. Imagine the competition in here?!

Thanks for all being here and for knowing how it feels. I'm sorry I don't post much or share much - I have the horrors of putting personal info in public places. I wish we could get together in a private bar somewhere and shriek hysterically about the things people have said to us, whilst wearing t-shirts saying "My child is dead but look, I'm still here!"

Good to see you Zeno.

So sorry to hear about your Mums cancer (oh my god I almost skirted round the word then and put 'illness.') Its a bloody scary word isin't it. Sending loads of love from Lancashire xxxxxx

OMG I made a promise to lurk but not post on sassys thread -

Night girls - see you in a few hours!!!