the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

Dee - I got the original xray that they did at the hospital of my twins. In 1981 they didn't do routine scans and they found out I was having twins 10 days before they were delivered at 38 weeks.

I managed to get the x-ray about 5 years later. Ring everybody you can think of tommorow -someone will have a copy. xxxxxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all x

Dee I am keeping everything crossed for you today that someone can help you xx

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Oh Sassy - come here love

Your words are so eloquent and so exact. I dont know what to say to you that will help at this precise moment. I have no idea at all.

I am searching through my thoughts but you have hit the nail on the head with your words. xxxx

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So, i've made a little progress.

I spoke to Worcester PALS, and the lady i spoke to was lovely. I told her the situation and she said that if they had taken a copy then it would most certainly be in his notes. Apparently i need to fill in a form, which she's going to send me, to request to see his notes, then it goes to a panel and they will decide if i'm allowed to see them, but it should just be a matter of course. There's a small fee too, but that's ok. She said it should take approx 6-8 weeks from me sending the form back to actually seeing his notes.

I'm actually feeling a bit sick. What if they won't let me see them? What if they aren't in there? What if they are???

There really are no words, are there, Sassy?

Thinking of you x

sassy sending hugs. One day will claw our way out of this f*ing pit and live again. xx

It's a particularly ouchy thing to hear that one Sassy. There are so many little bits of idiom that become off limits.

I used to say I'd "lost the will to live" when confounded by (eg) a big clothes shop. since my sis really did lose the will to live I try to avoid that expression. Still comes into my head though, through sheer habit.

The scenery, the very landscape of life has changed beyond all reckoning. It is obscene and wrong, and yet it is.

You will Lavendes - we are all here for each other and together we will get 'there' wherever the hell 'there' is!

mum is doing great now zeno..thank you for asking - the hospital never figured out what was wrong with her.. she was being rushed in with blue lights every 3 weeks with oxygen deprivation. They kept saying this was gonna be her life and they didnt know how long she had left. Then suddenly she just got better.. bloody doctors couldnt explain either way!

sassy you hit the nail right on the head and I hate to tell you this but I still feel like this from time to time 6 years later.. I just typed 5 and realised its 6 .. god I cant believe its so long ago now. I thnk its nice the preschool invited you... I wouldnt have gone either.

Dee I am praying they still have a copy for you. God I know we live in a world of data protection but 6-8 weeks to give you permission. There should be a better way than this.

do you feel better for visting benjamin and having a bubble??

Hi ladies, sorry I haven't been arounf much, I've had a mad busy week.

Sounds like we all need a bloody big hug and/or a case of wine between us.

Sassy your words are just so spot on and epitomises just how i have felt and still do often feel. Like FM I wish I could tell you it gets better but so far for me it's just got different at times. Big HUGS xx

Dee - I hope they have copies for you and somehow it doesn't take as long as that and common sense is applied!!

I've had a hectic week. Been baking this afternoon for a school fair tomorrow pm. Anyone fancy shortbread or cakes with that wine??!! Taking DS1 to a bday bbq this evening which i'm partly looking fwd to seeing people and catching up but equally well have the lull in the pit of my stomach that comes with anything birthday related!

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sassy so sorry that must have been so painfull for you. Richard was a chef, I work as a receptionist,across the road there is a social security office and their chef stands outside to have a fag, I cannot avoid looking at him as I cannot move from my desk, I may go and tell him to have his fag somewhere else as I just want to cry when I see him, he wears the same uniform as Richard, even the same hat. He was never there before Richard died, its weird. take care xx

sassy i dont know what to say to you, i want to hug you and all these fantastic mums and sisters, i know where you are at the moment,its a shit place, we all know but we are all here for you,
jayden was meant to be starting nursery in september, and his sister is a year younger,and may get a place if they cant fill them, so it is bloody strange.
i took dh out for a meal on wedsday nite,ate lots and was full,then went to cemetry and its three weeks since been, well it looked awful, so came straight home ,got tools out and strimmer and scrubbed every cherub up ,dd2 and her partner helped, but dh said he couldnt look at jaydens garden like that,
i thought god if you take dh away,ill never get to it as i suffer panic attacks doing walks like that,and i cant drive,so another worry,dh back to hospital next friday for more tests,so fingers crossed,
thinking of you all,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Ewwww I shouldn't drink - I really shouldn't!!! Morning girls xx

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Can I join the "i shouldnt drink" group!
Im off to Bury st Edmunds Cathederal today to see our local curate ordained!! Very excited!!

evening, i need a bit of a self indulgent winge.
I would be out with my db tonight for his birthday and its so fucking cruel that i cant. I hate the world cup being on cos he would love it was so supportive of the england team and patriotic.. he was known for wearing an england shirt. He should be hear to enjoy it... I want england to go as far as they can obviously but want it even moreso for my gorgeous brother. Sorry for the moan just hand to get it out somewhere

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It certainly does suck. I like that phrase may have to start using it more. The should have beens, could have beens. I feel the loss for my ds too he adored my db and vice versa. He still tells me about him. I can never work out what was worse being told my db had been killed or me telling my ds. I feel like i shouldn't be as upset as i am now... ds's birthday and my birthday got to me but im so much worse now in the run up to his. Maybe thats because it was so soon in the bereavement, i dont know.

The shadow world makes complete sense. I really think i should try get some councelling