Unfortunately I don't think the finances will stretch that far. I wish they would.
Luckily for me DH is still home for this week, so he can help share the chore of cleaning the house. So far the bathroom has once again become presentable - so at least if we have visitors now I won't have to be ashamed that they used a dirty toilet.
DH is about to do the hoovering, change Fiz's litter and has already emptied all the bins around the house. I've started to get through the washing, - I'd been doing the bare minimum just to keep us in clothes - so there are a about 6 massive loads of washing to do now. We've been wearing clothes unironed so the ironing pile isn't that bad - but I intend to do it today while watching something recorded off the Sky box - and then have 6 massive loads worth to do the rest of the week, or we might go back to wearing unironed clothes again - we'll see how much energy I can keep up through the week, I'll have probably lost motivation to clean and tidy again by tomorrow.
Ah its so overwhelming, but I actually want some sense of order again in the house - I'm sure its the state of it that isn't helping my dragging days and the feeling of being claustrophobic in my own home.
And Sassy it is all very shit. Shit, shit, shit. I'm avoiding the paper tray - although that also needs doing because it is overflowing, because I just don't want to see baby mail. I'm astounded by the impact a little baby has made on our lives in the short 32 weeks she was growing inside me and how I sit and imagine the life I was supposed to have with Belle, I miss her so much, my chest still aches as if my heart is breaking every day - its so unfair. DH watched our friend play with his 1 year old daughter yesterday and tears welled in his eyes, he so desperately wanted to be a Daddy too - watching his friend being a Daddy and thinking how he should've been able to play with Belle like that this time next year.
I cannot begin to imagine what your grief must be like knowing and loving Catherine for 4 years. x x x