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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

982 replies

crumpette · 15/06/2010 20:56

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

OP posts:
shelleylou · 25/07/2010 09:52

Lavandes. I think we have all looked there. I have only recently stopped having JD and coke on the 19th it became my ritual. DH banned me from it but i still look for the answer at the bottom of a bottle. Not at the moment though as im on antibiotics.

shabbapinkfrog · 25/07/2010 10:29

Morning girls xx

shelleylou · 25/07/2010 10:32

morning shabs how are you?

shabbapinkfrog · 25/07/2010 10:41

Im OK thanks love.

Went to good friends wedding reception last night. No idea why but we ended up dancing to 'Zorba the Greek' LOL - every bone in my body is aching this morning!!!

shelleylou · 25/07/2010 10:45

Sounds like you had fun. I reckon its in anticipation of goin Falariki. Its not long now is it?
I'm going to two good friends wedding on saturday (marrying each other) so really looking forward to that hopefully by then ill be able to have a drink or two. Got a busy few saturdays in the next 3 weeks. All exciting goood things though. Cant wait to get away again, shame its not greece though. x

CazEM · 25/07/2010 11:58

Morning ladies,

Lavandes I hope you're feeling ok today.

Sorry if this is TMI, but I've started my first period today since Belle arrived and the period pain is really bad. It never used to be like this on the pill, and I went straight back on the pill again after Belle was born. Feeling quite miserable with it, yet another reminder that she's gone.

lavandes · 25/07/2010 14:56

caz thanks I'm as OK as I can be. Getting through the day is sometimes so difficult. Its sad but I am better on the days I am working. I still hate Sundays as Richard died on a Sunday. Sorry you are feeling unwell hope it soon passses, being a woman is so crap sometimes!

CazEM · 25/07/2010 23:31

Today I took up knitting - I've decided I need something to focus on, something to occupy my time - but something that is productive and creative. So knitting it is, my Mum is teaching me. She is also going to teach me to sew. Learning new skills!

shabbapinkfrog · 26/07/2010 01:45

caz I love knitting.....its brilliant. I cant sleep so sat on the internet xxx

travellingwilbury · 26/07/2010 07:00

Morning all , I am at mums house in France , just wanted to pop in and say hi xx

Shabs i hope you got back to sleep ok xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 26/07/2010 07:26

Morning girls xx

TW - managed a few hours but got up in a panic because I thought it was a school day DOH!!

deemented · 26/07/2010 07:46

Morning Folks x

SassySusan · 26/07/2010 08:52

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shabbapinkfrog · 26/07/2010 09:08

You are so right Sassy xx

SassySusan · 26/07/2010 09:14

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lavandes · 26/07/2010 09:39

sassy it is definately shit and very lonely. I'm not very well, I have a recurring auto immune condition - orbital myocitis, which has flared up again. I have to take steroids which I only stopped 2 weeks ago and I am back to square one again. It is very painful, I am just off to doctors for a bagload of steroids and painkillers. Oh joy life is so unfair.{sad}

TW I love France we go every year, sometimes just for a weekend we live in Cornwall and can go from Plymouth to Roscoff, they do quite good deals on short breaks. enjoy xx

SassySusan · 26/07/2010 09:46

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lavandes · 26/07/2010 09:52

sassy I know but the fucking shirts have to be ironed, even easycare thats a load of bullshit. xx I am a miserable old bag today

SassySusan · 26/07/2010 10:22

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CazEM · 26/07/2010 11:08

Morning ladies.

Lavandes sorry to hear your feeling so unwell. Sending you extra hugs today.

Sassy yes it is all very lonely. Its like being stuck in limbo. Stuck on the day the world felt apart, for us at least anyway. Everyone else is able to get on. But yet so are we in our own ways - because we have to do the normal things like iron shirts. What else can we do? But along with doing the normal life stuff we're living with a gaping wound that just won't heal. Not for a long time, Its exhausting.

My normal activity of the day is to clean my house. It really is now in shocking state as I've done absolutely nothing with it since Belle died. Bathroom is beyond disgusting, carpets desperate to be hoovered, washing and ironing has mounted up again. Thank God my lovely neighbour made my house spotless for us while we were temporarily living with my parents, otherwise I dread to think how much worse it could be now.

So I best get my arse out of bed and start the normal. Being in bed at 11 isn't that normal to start the day is it... Been awake since 9 just couldnt face getting up quite yet, started reading the Twighlight saga this morning, haven't seen the films. Friend lent me the 1st 2 books. Its unfortunate the main character is "Bella" - its quite simular. But I think I can handle it. I guess I just stop reading if I can't.

Hope everyone is ok.

SassySusan · 26/07/2010 11:14

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SassySusan · 26/07/2010 11:17

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CazEM · 26/07/2010 13:23

Unfortunately I don't think the finances will stretch that far. I wish they would.

Luckily for me DH is still home for this week, so he can help share the chore of cleaning the house. So far the bathroom has once again become presentable - so at least if we have visitors now I won't have to be ashamed that they used a dirty toilet.

DH is about to do the hoovering, change Fiz's litter and has already emptied all the bins around the house. I've started to get through the washing, - I'd been doing the bare minimum just to keep us in clothes - so there are a about 6 massive loads of washing to do now. We've been wearing clothes unironed so the ironing pile isn't that bad - but I intend to do it today while watching something recorded off the Sky box - and then have 6 massive loads worth to do the rest of the week, or we might go back to wearing unironed clothes again - we'll see how much energy I can keep up through the week, I'll have probably lost motivation to clean and tidy again by tomorrow.

Ah its so overwhelming, but I actually want some sense of order again in the house - I'm sure its the state of it that isn't helping my dragging days and the feeling of being claustrophobic in my own home.

And Sassy it is all very shit. Shit, shit, shit. I'm avoiding the paper tray - although that also needs doing because it is overflowing, because I just don't want to see baby mail. I'm astounded by the impact a little baby has made on our lives in the short 32 weeks she was growing inside me and how I sit and imagine the life I was supposed to have with Belle, I miss her so much, my chest still aches as if my heart is breaking every day - its so unfair. DH watched our friend play with his 1 year old daughter yesterday and tears welled in his eyes, he so desperately wanted to be a Daddy too - watching his friend being a Daddy and thinking how he should've been able to play with Belle like that this time next year.

I cannot begin to imagine what your grief must be like knowing and loving Catherine for 4 years. x x x

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 26/07/2010 13:51

After Cole died our house was always spotless, which is a complete change from what it was usually like. I cooked and cleaned like a woman possessed. Partly because it was something to do to get me through the day, but mostly because I had spent the previous 7 months in hospital with C and had missed the daily routine of life at home. But I remember that it felt very wrong that I was back at home but without my child to look after and hold.

Oh, it really is just shit isn't it?

Sorry to hear about your illness Lavandes, I'm guessing stress doesn't help either?

Have a lovely time at your mum's TW. Gawd I feel like I need a holiday at the moment.

What do you think of Twilight Caz? I have read them all and I've seen all of the films too

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 26/07/2010 13:58

Oh, and I meant to talk about the whole wedding anniv/birthday thing.

I spoke to dh about how I was feeling and it's not a great shock, but dh said he felt much the same - which was a relief.

We both agreed that the 30th is primarily C's birthday and it also just happens to be our wedding anniv too. We're of the same opinion that yes it's our wedding anniv but it's all about our marriage, not that one day.

I felt so much better about it all. I feel stupid for not talking to him about it earlier, but I didn't want to upset him.