The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

Meant to add when he fell off the storage box he fell four feet onto hard concrete and banged his head hence the urgency!!

hi all, havenb't caught up with thread yet but could you keep myself and my family in your thoughts. Court today and found out yet more lies that have been told about my darling matt

Im standing right by the side of you Shelley - got my arm around you and my 'fight to find the whole truth' head on!! My Matt used to always ask 'was it by accident or by purpose?' If he found out something was 'by purpose' he would kick arse! Thinking about all of you at such a difficult time. xxxx

They did what I expected... blame the dead man. I caan't believe how low some people will stoop. The bastard pleaded guilty. was hoping he would pleaded not guilty so it would go to crown count been adjourned for sentancing. One of the magistrates kept looking at us. Defendant sat like they do on tv so you cant see their face. Nearly shouted at him 'to grow some balls and look at me you coward' managaed to mouth it instead.

Oh believe me my friend - YOU, YOUR FAMILY and most of all your MATT WILL get even - cause you see I reckon there is only one true saying in this life 'WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!!'

Writing in capitals is the only way I can explain how angry I am for you....have walked in your shoes - have listened to the crap in court, looked at the 'sad' face of the prick who reversed over my boy - the idiot that STILL after 18 years has never, ever said sorry - he could have scribbled it in chalk on my pavements and I would have known who it was!

Newbie arriving...

I've just breathed a huge sigh at finding this thread; a great big chest filler. I haven't yet found the courage to read it through but knowing that you're all here is enough for now.

The short version of us:
Our firstborn dd died aged four, very suddenly and without warning in August 08. We eventually found that she was overwhelmed by a virus which caused her heart to fail (acute viral myocarditis).

When she died I was 7 weeks short of my due date with dd2. She was born 9 weeks later and thankfully thrives.

This is all part of an ongoing series of loss in our family. I swear, you'd think I was trolling if I listed it all!

(PS thanks Nina for pointing me to this thread)

I have no worries about getting even... I will hold a grudge you dont mess with my family and think i wont get involved. I understand the capitals. We haven't had an apology or him showing any remorse cos its all matts fault shame he isn't being doe for his death. We all know he killed him just cant prove it. It is crap........

Things for us can only get better since thursday last week my parent's kitchen has been on fire, my fiance is in hospital atm (admitted yesterday) and the doctors cant find whats wrong with him DS is missing him loads then this today. We must have done something terrible to deserve all this.

I hope your Matt is telling mine that what we are feeling tonight is justified and theire having a jd and coke like we have today

Welcome zeno. Sorry we all have to be members of this shite club, but glad that you've found us.

So sorry to hear about your darling daughter. There are a few of us on here who have lost children to various virus' - including me.

My ds1 was 8 months old when an unknown virus caused liver failure and eventually caused his death when he was 15mo.

Please come and chat whenever you feel like it

Hi all,

Just catching up with the thread. I don't have much to post I'm just lurking away here.

30wks pg with DD3 now, just about managing to keep a lid on the anxiety.

Keep muddling on ladies.

Morning girls xx

Shelley - I can understand your anger, mine is still bubbling just under the surface.

Zeno welcome to our amazing thread. So very sorry for your loss. We all prop each other up on here - we all understand each others emotions - no matter how weird they may seem. We all walk this terrible path together xxx

Morning everyone - hopefully woken up in a better frame of mind tody....

Woollyjo - good to see you, hang on in there you're doing great, often think about you xx

Shelley - I don't know what to say other than i'm thinking of you and your family and think we had as shit a day as each other yesterday, hugs xx

Zeno - Your story made me draw breath and shudder... my ds2 was 2 and died suddenly and unexpectedly from a (scarily common) enterovirus called echovirus 6. I was told at the time that this was usually found in conjunction with myocarditis but in Gregor's case it wasn't - therefore his cause of death was an overwhelming enterovirus, which i was told was incredibly rare Anyway I'm glad you have found us, do you want to tell us about your dd? How far along this crappy path are you? xx

Thanks im slightly calmer today. Only because i know they are lies and some of them there is evidence to prove otherwise not that it was said in court. Now got to wait for the sentancing date. Im hoping he gets 26 weeks custodial for the first 4 offences the last is to be dealt with at crown court so hopefully he'll get more for that one... is the 1 im lease bothered about but i want him to suffer. Wish he looked at us yesterday just to see what he had done. Spineless, lying murderer

Ok maybe im not quite so calm

afternoon girls,and big hugs to everyone.
shabs, i watched married,single ,other on monday,god it was awfully,sad ,i blubbed for england,dh went upstairs, i think it got to him.
on sunday i walked into a room at work,and the paremedic who tried to save jayden ,was there visiting someone,spoke to him ,he was so nice, he was so sorry he couldnt save him, i legged it out of room ,and cried like ive not cried for ages, god i couldnt stop,the girls put me in the conseratory,and gave me a hug and talk,but im so embarrased about going into work on saturday, i feel so stupid,i mean im meant to be ok,iykwim.
ppm well done on your walk ,your amazing gregor will be so proud,my dd had a look at your photos and added herself on facebook ,iniatal dmd, hope thats ok. she did a walk with smallest granddaughter on wedsday,photos on facebook.
shelly, im so sorry ,its so hard but im sure shabs right what goes around, justice will happen ,you wait and see

ooh and luckily babygroup has finished now til late next term, phew phew phew! Horrible!

Hey Crumpette, family can be such twats (We've got some crackers in our family, trust me but that particular soapbox is staying put today!!) - and yes they are soooooo inappropriate with their easter cards!! Been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing.

And you're wrong about one thing.... not everyone has forgotten Lucia - none of us have and we will get you through this weekend and the next and the next just like you guys grabbed me by the hand and dragged me through March - we'll do the same for you in April. I cannot imagine having to go back to the registrars i collected Gregor's death cert... you're right its so crap but you'll get there and you WILL be stronger. I do know what you mean about the shell thing - i feel sometimes that i'm not really 'living' just 'existing' - I live in a fabulous community but cannot imagine going along to a baby group and ever feeling the same again - huge respect to you for doing that but you know what if it doesn't feel like the right thing to do then just don't - you do what you need to do for you. Maybe it'll get easier the more often you go but maybe it's just not the right place for you at the moment?

Been missing a few folks lately FM are you back from hols? TW - how are you doing?

Charleymouse if you're lurking hope you're doing ok? xx

Totally not the right place, my neighbour has a baby too and I have been avoiding her since I first met her but I got a note through my door telling me I had to go to baby massage group FROM YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR which made it hard to say no! Can't call in sick to your neighbour really, but it felt very wrong indeed and I was so nervous- didn't tell them about L because nobody asked, but I kept thinking I was about to crack and cry in the middle of the room and run home really very pressurised

oh dear even MN has easter smileys I know it's unfair on other people to mope but eugh I just can't deal with it I want to hide in a very dark room for at least 2 weeks

sorry.

Huge well done to you PPM for your walk for Gregor, reading that you had done it made me smile, well done. Gregor's very lucky to have had you as a mummy and your strength will help other babies with the money you've raised x

Thanks Crumpette, if you're on facebook have a look at the group walk for gregor if you want to have a look at the pics from sat.
And you know what you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go - even if your do-gooding neighbour thinks she's helping!! Maybe it would be easier for you to invite her in for a cuppa, explain what you're going through then if she runs a mile then let her run and if not then she may turn out to be supportive - never know! Failing that you're welcome to my little dark room, recently vacated, one careful owner!!
I'm thinking the easter smillies look a wee bit like V signs??!! Does that help you look at them without seeing the bloody rabbits?!

Thanks. I'm sure we will get justice but nothing will be enough. Hoping he doesnt get a community sentance like one barrister suggested... because he's had the brunt of it like the family Dreading easter sunday last year it was dp, ds my 2 db's, parents and myself all round the table at mum and dads.

Yes it helps make them look more ridiculous PPM, thanks. Her favourite toy was/is/was a pink bunny rabbit. Hate seeing bunnies!!! I told neighbour about it just not the other mums but she was just silent. I only said it because she asked why I'm so laid back with DS and I said, well he's my second actually.. and she said 'how old..' and I said 'she died last year after 2 liver transplants' and she said nothing at all. At least she knows but it's a real elephant in the room cos she doesn't seem comfortable with it, her face was a picture, I don't blame her but I feel like she will regard me as the weirdo with the dead baby, right..it's not exactly normal is it.. it was more me doing the good thing because she said she is bored and doesn't know anyone here.. but I can't face it tbh I think I will have to manufacture a reason to not go again, at least not for quite a long while! Thanks for offer of room, I will gratefully accept

not on facebook [dp thinks it's a dating site, of course, like MN hah]

shelleylou, there's nothing I can say really, but I hope it all works out as OK as it possibly can, which will never be OK but you know what I mean, in the end. That feeling is weird isn't it, when you know that one year ago they were still here and there are so many things you could have done or said.. one year isn't very long, it's very strange

Crumpette - your neighbour probably was rather pole axed when you told her about L. But how she acts from now will be the test to see if she's worth bothering about.

I didn't go to baby massage with ds2 as I clearly remembered when I went with C they went round the room and you said a bit about yourself and how many children you have. I just couldn't face it, not when they were a bunch of strangers. However I did go back to my old coffee and toddler groups as the majority of them knew C, so it made returning a wee bit easier.

I would say do what's right for you, when it's right for you. There are no wrong or rights, it's what feels comfortable.

Nice to see you woolyjo - I also often think about you. Take care and I can't wait to see your birth announcement All will be fine, I can feel it xxx

It's normal for us unfortunately we do not have the choice that many others do as to whether they think about what we're going through or whether they choose to disconnect themselves from it. Good advice from lovely ILike as usual xx If she's meant to be a friend she'll get over her shock and be there if not you don't need to make excuses just do what's right for you.

Back in Oct last year I purposely went to a gym class in a town where nobody knew me just to see what it felt like to be anonymous - it was really, really weird. I didn't feel like myself and purposely told nobody there about my circumstances. I think my reason for doing it was to get out somewhere where i wasn't known as 'the mum whose lad had died' and also to see how it felt to be just PPM. Strange thing was i felt like an imposter - Made me realise that I am who i am and anyone who doesn't like it/can't cope with it can choose to walk away..... and I will actively encourage them to go!! Grief will always be part of my life now - tis sad but true.

I know what you mean PPM. So far I have been......

The mum of those twin lads - you know who I mean, one of them is very tiny.....

The woman whose tiny twin died....

The woman who must be mad because she is having another baby.....

The woman who had another little boy and whose twin died a while ago....

The woman who lost one of her twins years ago, and now her other lad has been killed....

The woman who lost two sons....

The woman who lost two sons and now, even though she is nearly 41 is having another!!!