The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

Thanks LF.

Just popping in to say hello. Have been feeling poorly with a cold, but will be back on top form soon xxx

Awww ILike get well soon xx

Morning xx

morning all xx woke up to 5-6 inches of snow and it looks like its on for the day!!! Did somebody say it was spring???!!!!!

Morning folks.

It is freezing. We are due to get snow. Kids away to school. Should I do the housework or go back to bed??

Morning girls - I really, really hope we dont get snow!!! Sick of it now!! xx

no snow here just lots of rain. Suits my mood though. How are you all?

no snow here,but been told its coming. hope it does not as i hate the bloody stuff, all the snowdrops are out in my garden ,it looks loveely

Awww...what I would't give to see some snow - I have only touched it 3 times in my entire lifetime - sunny day here in Cape Town.

We now have a blizzard. Yuk.

Been snowing all day here - at least the electricity's stayed on though!! Hazy snowdrops are out in my garden too but they're now disguised as a large layer of snow

I love the snow, but not the inconvenience of it.

Am feeling better today - thanks for the good wished PPM . However ds has now got it. And like every other small child, when he's feeling ok he's full of beans but then when he feels poorly - he really crashes. Bless him.

Morning all xx

Morning girls xx

morning girlsxxx

Morning all, today's not a good day. Feel like i've been hit by a truck of grief today. Tears at school drop off (me not ds1) then they had an open hour for parents which i had to force myself to go to for ds1's sake as i'd said i would and didn't want to let him down. head's now pounding - prob stress.

I absolutely hate feeling like this - its such a shit life sentence. i want the old me back but sadly know that's never going to happen. Feel really low today. Really miss my wee lad.

Hi peterpansmom - I am so sorry to hear that you are are not having a good day today...

I was thinking about you this morning, because I had a dream about your Gregor last night.

I know it is no consolation, but one day you will reach a point where you will be able to think about your little lad, without feeling such physical pain - like you say, it is a life sentence - sh*t, I am struggling to put into words, exactly what I would like to say to you and I am always afraid that I unintentionally hurt or offend one of the mommies on here, but please know that my heart is full of compassion for you.

PPM I agree with Nina - I can now go for many weeks without feeling that awful gut wrenching, physical pain....it does still rear its ugly head every now and then.

This is still so very new for you my friend - I can honestly tell you that it does change as the time goes by - it becomes more gentle.

Did anybody see the last episode of 'Married, single, other.' the other night? One of the characters wives had died - it was soooooo sad. He kept dreaming that, when he fell asleep, he was falling down a long black hole and then dropping into water. One night his wife appeared right in front of him and gave him a telling off that night he dreamt that again he fell down the black hole but at the bottom were all his family and friends holding out a massive sheet to catch him. Im not quite onto being caught before I hit the water but Im getting there.

Sit quietly and have a little gab with Gregor my love - he will help you....just explain your feelings - you dont even have to say them out loud - close your eyes and have a minute.....thinking about you xxx

My Granbaby Lew's favourite song

So far today we have played this 26 times and he has only been here since 12 noon!!! He loves this and hums along and can sing some of the words. I thought it was a perfect choice for 'our thread'.

Last night when my DS1 came to pick Lew up they sat together watching this song on youtube. When I glanced at them Lew was smiling and singing along. My wonderful DS had big blobby tears running down his face. When I asked what was wrong his reply was 'Im so lucky Mam, so lucky. When my brothers died I didn't want to be here BUT Mam - we DID IT!! Look how lucky I am - Im a Dad.' Im having a cry just posting this message and, you know something, we are very lucky - we have each other AND we have Matt and Gareth just a whisper away xxx

{{{PPM}}}

For quite a while after C died I found it very hard to reconcile myself to the fact that I would be a bereaved mother for the rest of my life, it felt like such a heavy burden of grief to carry.

But, slowly and surely that burden has got lighter. I still think of him everyday, but more often than not I can remember him with a smile rather than with tears.

I sincerely hope that your grief will start to evolve soon. It never goes away, but it does change.

Hiya NJ, Shabs and ILike, The physical gut-wrenching pain has been horrendous today... Probably a low day after the weekend's high?! Got a couple of articles in the local press here about Gregor's walk on saturday. Don't think that is what set me off as i was feeling wobbly before i even got out of bed today. Anyway it is good to know that you have all felt the burden of grief evolve and lighten as the years have gone by. A friend made me an emerg doc apt and dragged me down there this lunchtime and since then i've been back to bed and rested but not slept. Have just about shifted the stress headache but not quite. Another friend collecting DS1 from school.

And NJ don't worry about upsetting folks on here - I doubt if you will.... all our experiences are uniquely our own but together we can and do continue to help each other by sharing them.

Shabs - loved the song - think i may have to find the dvd for my peterpan-loving ds1!!!

Shabba - I have goosebumps reading about your DS1 what an amazing man, We had "Family therapy" today and it was something along these lines that I wish for all my DC's especially DS as he was around when G died and when his dad died he could uynderstand it better than DD2.

PPM Sending you masses of hugs babe - I saw the photo's on Gregor's fb walk page and did comment (intitals are NW photo was of a boxer dog in a car now is b/w of DD3)

Can my Georgie's dates be added as well pls?

Birthday - 31st December 2001
Angel/Rememberance Day - 10th April 2002
Funeral day - 23rd April 2002

Better run DP has just gone out leaving me with the DC's will be back later hopefully x

I love Lew's song Shabbs! Wilf emailed me earlier. His team won the school swimming gala. He also had blood tests done today. The nurse told me what they were done for (the title) but not why or what the results might mean. Instead of scaring myself and reading on the internet I have rung the gp in our practice and left a message for him to ring me. Hopefully that way he will explain it to me in laymans terms. Im on first name terms with two of our GP's. Robbie the one whos going to ring back today was fantastic a few years ago. Wilf fell off the storage box in the back garden a few years ago . Instead of dialling 999 which we should have done we bundled him into the car. 4 miles down the road he started to fall asleep. Mum panicked and did a U turn in the middle of the road and decided to go to Robbies house which was 2 minutes away. He was of course off duty but saw Wilf and told us what to do. On Monday I delivered an expensive bottle of wine and a card to the surgery. The message inside the card said "Thankyou for letting us invade your house love Charlotte and Wilfred!"
Philip the other GP is super too and has written tons and tons of reports for me and written letters which im sure i should have been charged for but never have been. He has arranged tablets for Wilf too. Wilf cant say Philip so calls him "Dr Phip"