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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

994 replies

peterpansmum · 24/03/2010 08:24

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

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peterpansmum · 26/03/2010 08:42

Morning everyone xx

Warm loving hugs and strength for you today Lighthouse and am thinking about your darling Noah xx

I've never had any dreams at all since Gregor died - This makes me feel a bit but when i see the nightmares my dh has i'm then almost relieved i don't dream.

It's absolutely chucking it down here today but the weathermen are promising us a dry day tomorrow for our walk for gregor - could they just be a wee bit right??!!!! Missing you loads today Gregor x

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ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 26/03/2010 13:09

Happy Birthday Noah. Thinking of you all today Lighthouse, and a candle will be lit later xxx

I'll keep my fingers crossed for good weather tomorrow PPM x

What awful dreams NinaJane

I don't remember my dreams much either PPM, and I have only dreamt of C about twice. Each time I didn't see him in my dream, but I know he was in it.

shabbapinkfrog · 26/03/2010 13:12

Oh my word - my Granbaby is a treasure - he arrived at our house, took one look at my candle and began!

'Achy urthay u u, Achy urthay u u!!'

Noah came out as 'ooohah'

Thinking of you today my friend xxx

shelleylou · 26/03/2010 13:44

thought id join the new thread took me lnog enough lol.

Not really sure what to say only that im thinking of you all.
It's been all go here with organising the charity event. Doing fantasticly well with donations for raffle/auction so extremely pleased.

Can't wait till tomorrow get my new tattoo just have to make sure DP doesn't disagree with me getting it due to finances. Will compromise have that instead of a night out hehe

Thelighthousekeeper · 26/03/2010 20:20

Thank you all for your lovely messages and for thinking of my darling little Noah today.It means so so much.

We took a posy to is grave this morning and then when DD came home from school we had a cake and she blew out his 2 candles.

Lottie - thank you for thinking of him at Evensong last night x

Shabs - what a clever boy your Granbaby is x

Thank you again girls xx

Emma04 · 26/03/2010 22:11

Shabba - Matt sounds like he was such a little character xx

Lighthouse - Thinking of you and little Noah today xx

Nina - I've not had a dream about Thomas for a while now, but about a year after he died I had a spate of them and they were often not very pleasant ones. The two that stand out for me - one where I was in the house that I grew up in, he was sat propped up on the landing. He looked a couple of months older than he was when he died and was not alive in the dream. I went to pick him up then woke up. I took that one as him being with me still even though he is not alive and I can't look after him physically.

The other one was awful, it was raining and dark and I went to his grave and dug him up because I wanted to see him one last time and give him a cuddle. In the dream I thought he'd look peaceful as he had in the days after his death but he didn't, it was horrible.

I try my best not to think of him like that but it must have been in my subconscious for me to have had these dreams. I vaguely remember having a couple more positive ones a couple of years later, where he was the age he would have been at that time. I wish the more positive ones had stuck in my mind like the unpleasant ones, but it seems to be those I remember the detail of.

peterpansmum · 27/03/2010 07:03

Morning everyone xx

Well the sky is blue and the sun is just trying to peek through the clouds. Daffodils through the ground but no where near flowering but that doesn't matter. On with the day..... Catch up with you all later xxx

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lottiejenkins · 27/03/2010 07:58

Morning all, I have a Wilf free weekend as he's at school this weekend. I'm off out with my mum this morning then helping my friends in their garden this afternoon!!

shabbapinkfrog · 27/03/2010 08:50

Morning girls - its almost warm here in Lancashire!! A strange yellow ball is burning away in the sky LOL - I think they call it sunshine but its been a long time since I have seen it xx

shelleylou · 27/03/2010 15:45

Its lovely here in northamptonshire too shabs. Its great. I'm having a bit of a rest aftr rushing round town, i hate going up on a saturday. Oh well was worth it to get my tattoo and a new top for my night out later. So bit of a rest then, iron my jeans and get bits ready for when i go work then out straight after. Feels so strange not having bracelts on both wrists but surpose i should let it heal before putting them back on there lol. Sorry really pleased with how its turned out as i had the idea but cant draw they did a great job. I think Matt approved as when it was being done the song that was played as we went into his funeral came on the radio. I'm sure it was an omen

peterpansmum · 27/03/2010 16:14

Phew!!! We definitely did Gregor proud today along with at least 300+ friends walking in his memory and released loads of balloons too...was a beautiful day. off to a 40th bday party tonight to relax, unwind and drink copious amounts of wine Amazing effort from everyone xx

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lottiejenkins · 27/03/2010 16:16

Am so pleased it went well PPM. So many people thinking of your little boy!......

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/03/2010 19:13

It sounds amazing PPM There may not be any daffs out were you are, but there are plenty here and they make me think of Gregor x

AtACompleateLoss · 28/03/2010 02:25

Hi all,

Sorry not been around a lot going on at the moment. I haven't read the thread but I will hopefully be able to catch up once i have posted this but not sure as my head is a whirl at the moment so sorry in advance if i ramble and don't make sense.

Today was DD3's 1st birthday so bittersweet. I never got a 1st birthday with Georgie, constantly wondering what she would have been like on her 1st birthday or even what she would have been like now. I held it together for DD3 tho and am now falling apart when everyone else in the house is asleep I think and hope she had a fantastic day.

I felt like this on DD2's 1st birthday as well. It son't help that Georgie's angel date is 2 weeks away DD3 was due on that date but the consultant saw how distressed i was so brough the section fw. I have Georgies photo up on the stairs and some one today thought that she was DD3! it freaked me out. I had to explain that no thats not DD3 thats Georgie.

My friend brought her 8 year old DD today and boy it hurt like hell seeing this beautiful child playing with DD3 wishing that it was Georgie playing with her sister. I feel so guitly for wanting this child to be Georgie and knowing that I will never see Georgie play with her sisiters and brother.

Drowing in a bottle of vodka at the moment, I ache all over. My arms hurt so much to hold Georgie again.

I am so angry at DP's family not one of them turned up for DD3's thing today it's long and complicated but I have had enough and want nothing more to do with them. They didn't tuen up for our engagement party, failed to help me while DP was in hospital for 7 weeks he almost died twice and yet they still couldn't help me or the Dc's

Tears are streaming down my cheeks and i am unable to wipe them away.

shabbapinkfrog · 28/03/2010 09:09

Morning xx

AACL - oh sweetheart I can feel your sadness in your words. My in laws never seemed to care less when I lost my boys. I eventually realised it was 'their loss' that they didn't know any of my boys properly.

I hope that today is a little better for you xx

lottiejenkins · 28/03/2010 12:03

Ladies..... theres a mum hwww.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/936949-My-baby?msgid=19085784here who could do with some of our kind words. Have linked het to us as well.

AtACompleateLoss · 28/03/2010 13:39

Thank you Shabba I do feel a little better today not so raw although I have a slight hangover. DP left me to lay in bed this morning and took care of the DC's he understood how difficult I found yesterday and he knew that I had been crying apparently he could hear me but wanted to give me some space, he seems to know when I need space to grieve and when I need him close and last night I did need space.

I don't expect DP's family to remember Georgie or even think about her after all I didn't know them when she was here,and she didn't know them, but I do expect them to be there for DD3 at least as she is their GD/DN etc. MIL told us that she would be here yesterday no matter what. DP called at around 4pm and asked them what time they were comming as we were waiting on them to do DD3's cake as DD3 was getting ratty and extreamly tired and she wouldn't be awake for much longer, we got told they were not comming as MIL was ill, but DP said she sounded fine when she passed the phone to his dad and she was fine when she ordered us round there on thursday to see what she had brought DD3 for her birthday. We deliberatly left the present there so they had no excuse that they had already given DD3 her present. The last excuse they used was the dogs were ill!! They were not even going to call us to let us know!. DP has said the same thing that they can snub us all they want, but they do not snub DD3 what has she ever done?

All this stems from the fact that DP put me down as his next of Kin when he was in hospital and not his mother, and when DP was being taken to Intensive Care my friend called them to let them know as I was in no fit state to do it, the dr's told me that DP could die (i've already lost one DH my head was all over the place) and he was distressed pulling wires out etc and no one but me could calm him down do the Dr told me to stay with him so my friend who had come to see him and to give me a lift home unaware of what was going on offered to call his parents so i could stay with him. His mother went mental about it.

His dad eventually came to the hospital that night but failed to wait for the dr's as he was hungry! His dad was having a go at me over DP's bed in ICU even the nurse had a go at him for it, apparently I had upset the whole family coz my friend had called and by being DP's NOK even his brother got involved and told the Dr's that HE was DP's NOK!. I really didn't care who was NOK I just wanted DP better!

DP's nan was in the SAME hospital at the same time and his mum spent hours with her but didn't come to see DP!Didn't offer me a lift home even though they would have to go passed our house to get to theirs!. This was during all that snow me and the DC's several times walked over 3 miles to the hospital and back so we could see DP.

DP is so angry today about yesterday - his sister has just texed to say sorry for not comming but she was working which we knew but with his parents it's a compleatly diffrent story, they have always favored SIL over DP she has no DC's we were ORDERED to be at a meal for her boyfriends birthday without the DC's dispite the fact we had no one to babysit wmy 16 year old cousin came and sat witht he kids which i was not 100% happy about and because we had to leave early we got grief about it.

Sorry this got so long DP's family have burnt their bridges with me and it's their loss now, shame as I also have nothing to do with my parents and neither do the DC's for varuius reasons including my dad was drink driving with my Dc's in the car and my mum thought this was ok! dad is an alcholic.

agasarecool · 28/03/2010 22:02

I am crying as i read this thread.

Am pregnant so super emotional.

Can I join? In memory of William (18 wks) and Robyn Eleanor (15+6 weeks).

And, am ashamed to admit, seeing DD aged 12, who was Robyns twin sometimes is hard. Such a crap mum.

travellingwilbury · 29/03/2010 07:20

Good morning all x

AACL , I am so sorry your in laws are so rubbish .
It is hard enough without all that to deal with as well .
agas , of course you can join in , welcome to the place we all wish we didn't have to be but you will find lots of support here . I am so sorry to hear about William and eleanor x

shabbapinkfrog · 29/03/2010 07:49

Morning girls. xx

Glad you found us Agas - as I always say, sorry it had to be on this thread but we all help each other. xx

peterpansmum · 29/03/2010 10:06

Morning everyone xx

AACL - I sadly know all about badly behaved inlaws - just do what you need to do for you. Someone once said to me that if you think of you and your DP/DH and DC being inside a circle there is a ring around that circle and the people who come inside that ring are totally your choice, you pull on different people at different times and for different things but the bottom line is the choice is yours. xx

Agas - sorry for your losses, hang around there are some amazing individuals here xx

If any of you folks are on facebook we have set up a group called 'walk for gregor' and put a load of pics on from the weekend, have a look... was an overwhelming success. Am shattered today though!! ILike am glad your daffs are out - I have been buying myself a bunch every week since the 1st march until mine finally get up and flowering in my garden.... Another covering of snow this morning here!!!

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LunaticFringe · 29/03/2010 10:26

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LunaticFringe · 29/03/2010 10:29

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shabbapinkfrog · 29/03/2010 10:36

Charleymouse, Everlong, all our other 'missing' friends - where the devil are you ? If you are lurking but not posting please just say Hiya - I miss you xxx

NinaJane · 29/03/2010 11:05

Hi LF, can I ask if you could please add my Sydney's dates to the list?

18th January 1998 - Sydney's birthday.
28th January 1998 - Sydney's remember day.
30th January 1998 - Sydney's funeral.

Thank you.

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