The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

Yep and you forgot a couple...
The woman who is an amazing inspiration for others

The woman who keeps remembering to get up in the morning and keep getting on with it

I was in M&S today but anyway got to the checkout and added a few bunches of daffodils to my pile of stuff and was telling the lady serving me that i had a few lovely friends to thank as they'd helped out with a fundraiser i'd organised in memory of my son who died last year - the lady next to her says 'oh i read about that yesterday in the paper' the lady serving me says 'how do you get up in the morning?' - 'no choice' I say. They were both so lovely. Random strangers but caring compassionate ones me thinks..... Must get to bed now!!! night xx

thank you PPM - xxxx

Morning everybody xx

morning/afternoon everyone

what miserable weather

I have a little question

can I desribe myself as ' a mum of two'

DP says I am a mum of one. But am I still L's mummy? I mean, if you were being written about in an article for example, crumpette, a mum of (insert number of children) from mars states that..

would it be OK to say mum of two or not? Is that weird? Am I weird? Oh dear

Ilike thanks for your post, I don't think the neighbour will be the good type in an psychological sense for me but she is a v nice person but definitely only interested in being around first-time mums really..which she has made clear..and I find it very hard not to refer to L in conversation on teething or crawling or whatever as she is all the experience I have. I think now I've outed myself it's a closed case, if you get me, and must never be mentioned again, and I'm not sure I'm ready to function like that!

In my opinion Crumpette there would be no hesitation in answering your question - YOU ARE A MUM OF TWO - end of story - no other way to put it - YOU ARE A MUM OF TWO....The same way that I am a Mum of FOUR WONDERFUL BOYS!!!

It depends on who I am speaking to and the circumstances but I mostly say 'I have had four wonderful sons.' If that person enquires further and I explain - well then it is their problem if they cant deal with 'death.' Not my problem at all. We talk about birth (usually in great gory detail), we discuss the weather (at length) we talk about sport, politics, music etc etc - we talk about sex in all its glory BUT the vast majority of folk have trouble with the D word!! Thats there problem.

My DS1, his wonderful P and our Lew have just been to the cemetery. Lew thought it was wonderful and ran round and round and round My DS1 fell apart and sobbed - but he hasn't been for many years and his DP, I think, got a little peep into his deepest emotions. He has taken easter eggs for his brothers said he could hear our Matts voice so clearly 'I wuv chocowat Dan - wuv it!!' I am so very, very proud of ALL my sons xxx

aww Lewis sounds so lovely, as does Dan

Thanks Shabs.. I put mum of two on something and then had that serious worry that I was being mad or wrong or un-PC or whatever, but yeah.. thanks for your reply , we don't just suddenly become something different, feels like I'd be erasing her otherwise x (DP being his classic self..!)

I dont care what other people think of me - even my own H or his family - or, to be honest, my own family - I have carried four children - I have had pre-eclampsia with the twins etc etc etc. Its taken me many years to realise that my own thoughts are exactly that....I suppose thats the one advantage of being 53 years old

Aww thats so sweet of Dan.

Going to scream dont really want to in front of DP >>

Thats a bit better. Just had SIL on the phone telling us MIL is in hospital with a suspected mini stroke. They couldn't get hold of DP so phoned me see if he was with me. Its one thing after another it wouldn't happen to one family in soapland.

ppm ,agree with you , shabs is not just mum of four wonderful sons, shes the one everyone one goes to ,keeps us all going and my god shes amazingx
ill raise a can of coke to her,darent have a drink, even though my dh keeps bringing a bottle home.
crumpette you are mum to two,just my dd is a mum to four,soon mum to five,god shes brave.

thank you Hazy xx

I so hear you all with the "who people think we are".

Personally, I find it excrutiating when people go down the "inspiring woman" route. What utter tosh! Just ordinary people to whom extraordinary things have happened. It doesn't make us freaks or transform us into paragons of virtue.

I felt very publicly owned and conspicuous after dd died. Far more people around town now know who I am , which can be rather disconcerting; at the same time, it's one of the joys of living in a rural area that I don't often have to be the one who tells people what happened.

Do any of you find you are, and remain, less open to meeting new people? I'll make small talk if I have to but avoid getting personal, which means my social circle is not as healthy as it used to be.

Thanks all for being welcoming. I had a tremendous wallow in grief reading back your previous thread. Right now I can't write about losing dd in any detail - too fragile to visit that emotional space.

Fellowship and empathy to you all xxx

zeno,i must say i used to have many friends,then everything changed ,but i think,shut your ears girls,fuck em ,they werent real friends perhaps anyway.
now i struggle, i have to wait for dh to even take me shopping,yet i can walk into work ,and i just get stuck in,the girls are great,some knew the old me,some just know me as now.

Weeks after Niamh was stillborn I though it was so obvious everyone could tell, walking round ikea etc, like I had a big arrow and a sign above me.

Now very obviously pg again I keep hearing how brave/strong I am (i think they mean mad to be pg again so soon)but to tell the truth I am just fecking terrified and feeling desperately guilty for wishing the next 8/9 weeks away.

Zeno, I am usually a very outgoing person, happy to rub along with anyone, whatever the chaos, dive in and help out. But in the last year I have completely backed off from most group things particularly those I attended during my last pg - just don't want to be seen as "that poor woman" and don't want to have to explain myself to others. I think I have become alot more self-contained, mostly through necessity to be able to keep going.

xx

Morning girls xx

My name is Charleymouse and I am a Mum of four. I know what you mean though it is difficult. I told someone with twins the other day that I had twins but one of them did not make it and she completely ignored what I had said, no acknowledgment or anything. It was almost like she had said she had twins to be special and then when I had also given birth to twins she lost her ''special status". She was most bizarre.

Morning all, thanks PPM have been trying to get on with real life so have not posted or even lurked for a while, have not even started on this thread, will try to catch up later. Have been lighting candles for our littlies though. Welcome to all the newbies, sorry to meet you like this.

Well mixed emotions today as you would expect G is running around enjoying his third birthday but there is an effing great elephant in the room. DH is made up with cold and in bed and FIL was admitted to hospital last week with constipation and has just had a huge tumour taken out of his bowel on 1st April, hey ho. The same day as we heard and he had op the draft came from the funeral director with mock up of Bs headstone. Rector is worried about length of inscription apparently so has not been approved yet. Ho hum. Was hoping this would have been sorted out as contacted them back in November to get the ball rolling as had finally mustered up strength to get it sorted and then it gets delayed.

Anyway thanks for all your support over the last three years it is much appreciated. Anyway must go back to party happy mode, take care. Love CM

Charleymouse

Hiya darling - I have missed you. Sounds like 'stuff' is difficult for you at the moment. Thinking about you and sending love xxx

Have lit my candle to honour your little man...if my Granbaby was here today he would watch me doing it and then start 'Achy urthday u u, Achy urthday uu.' So I will sing it to your DS instead - Achy urthday Ben xxxx

Hello my friends.

Sorry have been so hit and miss lately.

Lots going on. DS just been dx with autism which was a bit of a suprise. Good news that we have got him into the special school we wanted after a fair bit of tussling with authorities.

Waiting for DC 5 to arrive anytime now. Pg has really taken it out of me emotionally. Dont think I could do it again (even if I wasnt too old anyway!). Never thought I would say that - baby mad, me!.

I didnt loose a baby, my DD was almost grown but its still such a emotionally loaded time. I really feel for those of us who have suffered the loss of a little one. It must be so scarey to be pg. All those memories ....

Billie's anniversary is coming up soon. I am very aware that I will have a newborn and am wondering how I will cope. DS3 was born just before her birthday and that was pretty tricky.

I am sorry I am not much help to you guys at the moment. So much going through my head. But you are all there and your beautiful children.

Hi Charley - I'll be lighting a candle and remembering your darling Benjamin tonight xxx

Sounds like you've been through some trying times recently. I hope your FIL is on the road to recovery. I'm very that the rector is worried about the length of the inscription? I mean, REALLY?

Lovely to hear from you Che. Glad to hear you and your ds have got the support you need.

ds2 was born just a month before C's 1st remember day. It was an odd day. But it would have been odd if ds2 was here or not. Infact I think it probably helped having a newborn to care for, it was something else to focus on.

You never have to be any help Che, you come here WHENEVER you need it

Where are you TW? I hope it's just PC problems xxx

Hi CharleyMouse - have lit a candle for Benjamin. Thinking of you.x

Happy Easter Girls. Don't eat too much choc tomorrow! x

Thanks girls, picks self up off floor after Shabs tackle.

Had an okay day except G has upset tummy and been sick, ho hum, he is sleeping on a towel and with a bowel by the bed. Should be fun.

Night night, thanks for being here when you are needed.

Morning girls xx

hey girls... happy easter to those who celebrate it.

Disney was really fab.. we all had a great time and I took time at the beg and end of the week to tell Fraser that I was carrying him with us all the time. Made me feel better

Now we are rushing headlong into mad time for us. Ross' b/day next week and then his pirate party and then fraser's remember day and then his b/day 2 days later

i am kinda everywhere at the moment..

I will catch up properly later in the week as I have the inlaws coming for easter diner rtomorrow .. so that will keep me busy

Put a pic of my twin boys on my profile. Gareth is on the left and they were about 7 weeks old on it. xx

Hi Shabba, beaaaautiful pictures of your boys! Thank you for sharing them with us.

I wasn't sure how to create my profile or how to post photo's, but after about an hour of fiddling, I've managed to get it done - I've even managed to put some photo's up of my little chickens.