Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lilred, 2Shoes, Squonk, Sidge etc: how are you now?

234 replies

NancysGarden · 24/05/2009 23:06

I've been away (not physically just not really here if you know what I mean) and missed everything, your posts and new threads. I think I just found it too hard to come anywhere near bereavement for a while. I've posted in style and beauty (of all places!) but no, couldn't quite face it here.

So...how are you all? I agree we should have a new thread and am sorry I didn't see the one 2shoes (I think) started in April (or was it March?)

Myself I've been bumbling along, wearing a mask at work, at home, in fact pretty much everywhere. Like you Lilred, I am so exhausted supporting others there hasn't really been any time to start to grieve myself.

So, about 2 weeks ago I finally felt like I was cracking up and have lined up some bereavement counselling through work. It's only 5 sessions to start so will have to be pretty focussed work, but if I don't speak to someone soon, I may drop everything and go under.

(It would be good to get this going again tbh, it was wonderful to have that support over the ether back in Feb. Like many of you, I have my support "network" of DP, sibs, friends etc but sometimes it's too personal. It is easier like this I think.)

OP posts:
2shoes · 18/09/2009 12:19

4 not 491(hope that error made you all smile)

mumoverseas · 18/09/2009 12:38

2shoes sorry about your cousin, very sad. I guess we know that older relatives will die before us but we don't expect cousins our ages to go. My cousin died a week or so before my mum and that was a shock. Hope you are doing ok

LilRed I'm in Saudi Arabia now but when in the real world our home is near Gatwick in West Sussex.

2shoes · 18/09/2009 13:42

she was older than me, in her 50's but that is way to young.

I am in sussex(brighton)

LilRedWG · 18/09/2009 14:34

2shoes, I'm so sorry about your cousin. My cousin died of cancer a few years ago and you are right, even if you are not close it is a shock. Take care. x

Original poster
NancysGarden · 18/09/2009 19:50

2shoes: sorry to hear about your cousin.

No need to apologise Lilred: grief is all encompassing at times. And that's it, nothing you can do.

Good luck with the toddler group MOS - you're right about distractions!

I feel so powerless re: Grandpa, it's such a complicated, long-winded and painful story, I should tell you all about it some time.

My little sis went for her first counselling session: I'm so glad, it's the first step. My brother won't help himself though, just keeps getting drunk and bending everyone's ears but when sober is so out of touch with his feelings.

xx

by the way I live in east London

OP posts:
2shoes · 18/09/2009 22:29

NancysGarden if it hepls to share(just to get it out of your head) post it or email me ([email protected]) I cna not read it if you want, but it might help.

Original poster
NancysGarden · 19/09/2009 20:05

thankyou 2shoes: I will e-mail you if you don't mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
NancysGarden · 19/09/2009 21:43

Hi 2shoes, have just mailed you. Please don't feel obliged to read it, it's entirely up to you, in light of your recent news you might feel you've got enough to deal with. x

OP posts:
2shoes · 19/09/2009 23:04

I will read it, just in case I can help, I remember years ago, I felt really bad about how I had been when my mum was ill, I was a teen!! I wrote it all down and sent it to my Dad, he sent me back a lovely letter and it really helped.(off topic I know)
I am in an odd mood today(hormones) so will read tommorow.
Hope you are feeling better today.

Original poster
NancysGarden · 19/09/2009 23:15

Well I do appreciate that 2shoes.

Bloody hormones have a lot to answer for! Hope you feel better soon: myself I am utterly dependent on star-flower oil for balanced hormones: without it I can be a hormonal nightmare at the wrong time of the month.

I remember you telling us about the letter. Not off topic: the feelings around illness, esp long-term illness are the kind of by-product that often gets forgotten.

Had a long lie-in today so I do feel a lot better, thanks.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 20/09/2009 18:24

I hopethat you all had an okay weekend. x

LilRedWG · 20/09/2009 18:24

Actually, I hope that you all had a good weekend.

Original poster
NancysGarden · 20/09/2009 18:47

Weekend's been ok, both the LO and I are ill (chicken pox and low level virus) but otherwise ok. How about you Lilred? How was the bingo? x

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 20/09/2009 19:11

Ohno Nancy - poor you.

Bingo was okay. After such a hard week it was good to be there with one of my brothers and two of my sisters, as well as one of my neices and nephews. My brother won twice and we all laughed and giggled like idiots. I was probably the most emotional and my eyes filled up a couple of times, but it's done now.

Thank you for asking and I hope that you are both feeling better soon. x

mumoverseas · 21/09/2009 07:11

LilRed glad it was ok at bingo but shame you didn't have a big win!

Nancy hope your LO's get beter soon. Its so hard when they are ill and off school.

I'm dreading the next 3 to 4 weeks. DD went back to nursery last week, its shut this week for Eid holidays and we got a phone call yesterday to say all the schools (and nursery) had been ordered to close until probably the 18th October due to swine flu!

Hope everyone is ok x

LilRedWG · 21/09/2009 12:04

Sounds like hard work MOS.

phdlife · 21/09/2009 12:13
LilRedWG · 21/09/2009 12:17

Thank you and goodnight. x

Original poster
NancysGarden · 26/09/2009 09:12

How was your week everyone?

Hope you're all well
Take care x

OP posts:
mumoverseas · 27/09/2009 06:30

Hi Nancy, hope you are ok.
My week was ok mostly, keeping busy getting ready for DDs 3rd birthday on Thursday and her party Friday (our weekend) and then my signing classes which start a week Tuesday.

All was good until DH was mooching on rightmove yesterday and found mum's house is on the market. I knew it was inevitible but assumed my brothers would have at least told me it was going on the market. Seeing it there made it all so final which seems stupid as of course I know she has gone and I'm never going to see her again. When I last went there at the beginning of September I thought it might be the last time so I should have been prepared but it was still a shock.

DH and I had previously discussed the possibility of buying it as a little holiday home (tiny 1/2 bed bungalow on coast) but my brothers are being a bit greedy and it is on the market for at least £20k more than it is worth. DH said that if it is still on the market in December when we are home we might think about it.

I'm wondering if that is sensible though, maybe a clean break will be less painful in the longrun? I have happy memories of times there and DCs 1 and 2 spent many holidays down there with nannie and grandad which DCs 3 and 4 never experienced. Think really I should let go, particularly as it would stretch us financially to buy it and the money could be put to much better use.

Its so difficult isn't it.

How is everyone else doing?

2shoes thinking of you for tomorrow (it is tomorrow isn't it?) Hugs xxx

Original poster
NancysGarden · 29/09/2009 20:07

Hi Mumoverseas, hi all

Sorry to hear you found out about the house that way MOS - it must have been a shock. I'm sure you'll make whatever decision is right for you though.

How are you 2shoes?

How is everyone? Quiet on here this week.

Family stresses are ongoing but work is helping me get through - am burning the candle at both ends a bit, although not in the social sense but up late studying every night, up early dropping LO off before work and weekends taken up with family issues. Still, having a girly night this Friday with friends: really looking forward to it.

Hope everyone is well and/or OK. x

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 01/10/2009 19:33

Sorry - having being keeping away from bereavement threads somewhat this week, but wanted you to know I am thinking of you all.

Sorry that you found out about the house online MOS.

Nancy - enjoy your girls night.

LilRedWG · 05/10/2009 15:11

Feeling totally drained today as I've just had my first session of counselling at the wonderful Macmillan Hospice, but I know that I need to do it, for my sake, DH's and DD's.

How is everyone else doing?

Original poster
NancysGarden · 06/10/2009 21:05

Hi Lilred

good to hear about the counselling. It's the way forward I reckon.

Feeling pretty drained also: girls' night didn't happen too stressed my Grandpa was supposed to be admitted to hospital for some treatment but was too ill to be moved by transport staff but was not deemed an emergency. What it basically boils down to is he is rapidly going downhill (so fortunately talk of withdrawing night-care has been overturned) and digging his heels in about leaving home, scared he won't return which I can understand. When I visited on Sunday he was hardly able to speak and slept most of the time, which is in stark contrast to the chats we've had over recent months.

Good to get it off my chest actually.

Hope you're all OK?

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 07/10/2009 10:39

Oh Nancy, it is so hard to watch isn't it.

xx