Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Just found out that my Dad has inoperable lung cancer - how will we cope?

206 replies

LilRedWG · 23/12/2008 15:58

Can't type much now as I'm so upset but I need to get it out of my head onto paper. DH is being a star as is DD (2.6) who keeps giving me her teddies to "help".

I feel numb and sick and I'm not ready to lose my Daddy. He's in hospital until they can sort out care at home and Mac nurses. I haven't spoken to him yet. My sister told me and I've phoned my mum. I'm going to visit him tomorrow.

I can't believe this - I can't lose my dad.

OP posts:
SixSpotBurNativity · 23/12/2008 16:00

Oh, I'm so sorry LilRedWG - how dreadful for you and your family .

Gosh, words seem so inadequate...but thinking of you...

bananaknickers · 23/12/2008 16:04

Really sorry Lil . I don't know what to say, there aren't any words of comfort. Wished I had a magic wand. How old is he ?

lonevoiceinthedark · 23/12/2008 16:05

So so sad to hear this - I lost my Daddy back in the spring after a long illness, not cancer. No advice, only show the love, show the love and give yourself a little time each day to shed the tears.
So glad your dh is being so supportive, soak this up and don't forget to tell him how much he is helping you through.
And keeping taking every teddy, hug and kiss offered by your dd.
Sending you strength for the times ahead.

CantSleepWontSleep · 23/12/2008 16:06
Sad
FiveGoMadInDorset · 23/12/2008 16:06
Sad
Lulumamaloveslatkes · 23/12/2008 16:08

oh angel. I am so sorry, it is awful. there is nothing to say to make it better is there? I hope you get some quality time with him . Mac nursers are amazing

rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 23/12/2008 16:09

oh am so sorry to hear this

Original poster
LilRedWG · 23/12/2008 16:24

thanks all.

he will be 77 in two days.

OP posts:
SixSpotBurNativity · 23/12/2008 16:26

I am so sad for you. Will be thinking of you and hope you can still have some good quality time together.

zoggs · 23/12/2008 16:27

I'm so sorry. My Dad was diagnosed with a huge tumour 2 months ago. He had an op within a week and died within a fortnight.

Make the most of this very special time you have left together. I am so grateful I had the chance to prepare myself a little and to tell my Dad how much he meant to us. Actually, I look back on that time with much happiness now as we bcame very close in a way that I don't think we would have if he had died unexpectedly. Hope that makes sense.

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 23/12/2008 16:28

Have a lovely xmas with him and make lot's of memories now. I am so sorry it's hard to loose a parent

NAB3hundredChristmaslights · 23/12/2008 16:29

I am so sorry. We have had lung cancer in the family and it is so cruel.

Thinking of you.

2notenuff · 23/12/2008 16:56

Sorry to hear that!

Sending lots of hugs.

Enjoy your time with him and talk about all the things you always wanted to ask him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster
LilRedWG · 23/12/2008 17:48

Thank you all for sharing and I'm so sorry for the losses you have endured.

God bless. x

OP posts:
BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 23/12/2008 17:52

Oh darling girl.

My dad has secondary liver and bone cancer, he is well at the moment.
Anyway, I decided that the best thing I could do for my Dad was to live my life well and to the best of my ability and to take each day as it comes.

Hugs

LGJ

xxxx

Original poster
LilRedWG · 23/12/2008 20:20

Good advice LGJ and I know it'll be what my Dad wants but it is so hard to carry on as though nothing is happening. I'm so glad that your Dad is okay at the moment.

I called Dad to say goodnight and neither of us mentioned it. He sounded so normal and was asking about DD and our trip (we've just come back from a couple of days away). DH and I are going to see him tomorrow afternoon.

They haven't given us any timescale, just that it all depends on how Dad is. If he manages to eat (he can't at the moment as the tumour is pressing on his osophegus and making him ill) he'll obviously last longer.

OP posts:
holidaywonk · 23/12/2008 20:28

Gosh, I'm really sorry LilRed. My mother was diagnosed with the same thing almost exactly six years ago, and I now realise that it was the worst day of my life (so far and, hopefully, ever). The shock and revulsion I felt at the diagnosis was almost literally unbearable. It is an awful place to be.

I found that I started to be able to process it after a couple of weeks - it didn't make it OK, but I did gradually learn to live with the knowledge.

There's no 'right' way to behave in these circs, I think. Of course your Dad might well prefer to see you as cheerful and upbeat as possible, but it's also OK to be upset in front of him.

My mother survived for five and a half years from her diagnosis. I know that might not sound like a good outcome from where you're standing at the moment, but sadly for us it was the best outcome possible, and those extra years with her were very special for us.

Ultimately, 'today' is all that any of us really have - we really could be run over by a bus tomorrow. At the moment, your dad is here with you. Try not to dwell too much on what might happen in the future.

piximon · 23/12/2008 20:43

Oh LilRedWG I'm so sorry. My MIL died from the same thing earlier this year. I'm not sure how much time scales actually count for, within the week she died we were told she had months, then weeks then days. Make the most of all the time you have together and get answers to any questions you can think of. I had bought her a memory book for mother's day which she sadly never had chance to get started on.

TotalChaos · 23/12/2008 20:45

very sorry LilRedWg.

jenniebee · 23/12/2008 21:18

LilRedWg i'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My lovely dad died at the end of September, 3 days after his 62nd birthday from meso, an inoperable lung cancer aftr being diagnosed in may. I made sure I saw him every day and laughed with him every day even when he was so so ill. All you can do is make the most of the time that you have left with a very special man. It's the hardest thing i've ever been through and everything seems so unfair that i've lost my dad aged 24 but you've got to remember you've a lot of lovely people around you that care for you. Try and have a lovely christmas. Also, seek advice from the macmillan nurses as they are for family just as much as for your dad. Once again i'm sorry that you're having to go through this.

stillenacht · 23/12/2008 21:22

very sorry LilRed, i hope that you are able to find some strength at this impossible time

missorinoco · 23/12/2008 21:25

so sorry to hear this.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 24/12/2008 11:08

Thank you all. I am so so sorry for all your losses.

holidaywonk - I was run over by a bus (many years ago), so know exactly what you mean about every day opotentially being our last.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilRedWG · 24/12/2008 12:33

Found out that Dad has stage three squamous cell carcinoma.

OP posts:
NAB3hundredChristmaslights · 24/12/2008 12:35

When I was talking to my nana in her last week neither of us mentioned it.

She had told me in passing her cancer was back and she was given 3-12months. I said what about the baby (was pg) She had had enough though and I was glad for her sake it wasn't dragged out and she slept the last couple of days.