Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Just found out that my Dad has inoperable lung cancer - how will we cope?

206 replies

LilRedWG · 23/12/2008 15:58

Can't type much now as I'm so upset but I need to get it out of my head onto paper. DH is being a star as is DD (2.6) who keeps giving me her teddies to "help".

I feel numb and sick and I'm not ready to lose my Daddy. He's in hospital until they can sort out care at home and Mac nurses. I haven't spoken to him yet. My sister told me and I've phoned my mum. I'm going to visit him tomorrow.

I can't believe this - I can't lose my dad.

OP posts:

Report

hillbilly · 01/01/2009 22:57

Hi LilRedWG, my thoughts are with you. My mum died of lung cancer in January 1991. There's nothing I can say to help you but to be strong and there for him as much as you can be. Sending hugs.

LilRedWG · 02/01/2009 09:26

Crunchie - thank you for posting. You are so right, now is a time for being happy with Dad. xx

Hillbilly - thank you for your post.

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 02/01/2009 09:26

Your Mum sounds fab btw.

OP posts:

Tillyscoutsmum · 02/01/2009 09:31

Only just seen this LilRed

So sorry to hear about your dad

LilRedWG · 02/01/2009 09:42

Thanks TSM. I'm doing my best to take Crunchie's lead and enjoying time with my dad. He's in great spirits and is keeping me that way too.

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 02/01/2009 16:56

oh sweetheart, Im so sorry. only just seen this. is there anything i can do?

stealthsquiggle · 02/01/2009 17:41

So sorry to hear this LilRed - I hope you are off being busy and building memories for you and for DD and DH, but I am back to "normal life" next week so any Wednesday you feel like having coffee/lunch/playdate just let me know.

Lukesmammy · 02/01/2009 22:34

Crunchie - I was wondering how to post on this thread but your post has answered everything I would possibly have wanted to say. Your Mum sounds wonderful and it was so brave to share your story like that. LilRed & Sphil and everybody else facing this situation, my love to you all xxx

SummerC · 02/01/2009 23:26

I am so sorry LilRedWG. My fil passed away from lung cancer this past summer and it was a nightmare. Contact your local Douglas MacMillan hospice. They were invaluable to my family when we lost my fil and I cannot rate them highly enough.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

SummerC · 02/01/2009 23:31

I am sorry for your loss Crunchie. I admire your strength. It brings to mind one of my favourite quotes:

"When you give birth to a daughter, you've just met the person whose hand you'll be holding the day you die".

sphil · 03/01/2009 16:05

Just rung my Dad and my Mum is starting to feel the effects of her first chemo. She's very tired - hasn't got out of bed today - and has diarrorhea . Does anyone know when the side effects of chemo peak in a cycle? It's been nearly a week since she had her drip (but she's taking tablets every day).

On the positive side my Dad has just made his first ever chicken casserole . He's being a trooper.

LilRedWG · 03/01/2009 19:13

Sphil - sorry that your mum is feeling poorly, hopefully someone will be along with some info for you shortly. Well done your dad and his casserole.

Thanks all for posting, especially those who have recent losses and experience, as I know it must bring back memories for you.

Dad came home last night so he and mum at least have each other for company now.

OP posts:

onlyjoking9329 · 03/01/2009 21:12

Sphil, there are so many different types of chemo, my friend has breast cancer, she has just had her fourth lot of chemo, it does wipe her out for at least a week, her first lot was the worst but once they had found an anti sickness med that worked for her the next chemos were a little better.
Steve had six weeks of daily chemo and he slept a lot, again getting the right anti sickness meds made a difference, i think the runs is down to the chemo, it wasn't a problem for steve cos he was on strong pain relief so had trouble going to the loo, i am sure your mum can be given something to stop the runs.
good to hear your dad is back home lilredwg.

sphil · 03/01/2009 21:48

Thanks LilRedWg and OJ - I'm hoping that this first week will be the worst and then it'll gradually get better throughout the cycle. We've been told that the type of chemo she's on doesn't usually cause such strong side effects as those for breast cancer. She is on oxaliplatin - a drip once every three weeks and capecitabine in tablet form every day for two of those three weeks. The anti-sickness drugs have been good - she had some nausea yesterday but they worked well.

Glad your dad is home LilRedWg - how's your Mum coping?

LilRedWG · 04/01/2009 13:59

Mum's being stoic Sphil. She is pretty ill herself, having had the majority of her small intestine removed at the end of August - because of which she is housebound.

It's just nice that they are back together.

OP posts:

sphil · 04/01/2009 19:05

Yes. I get the feeling that my parents have kind of closed ranks (not in a horrible way) since all this happened. They've kind of battened down the hatches and are weathering it together. It's actually quite difficult when I ring, because my dad isn't the most communicative person on the phone and I feel as if I don't really know how Mum is.

Hard for your Mum though, being ill herself. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes.

LilRedWG · 05/01/2009 08:43

How are you doing today Sphil?

I'm good. Hoping to go and see Mum and Dad later.

OP posts:

sphil · 05/01/2009 21:46

OK thanks - Mum is a bit down though, as she hates feeling so exhausted all the time. Not sure if its the chemo or the liver cancer that's causing this. I'm going over tomorrow with some meals I've cooked for their freezer - stops me feeling so helpless! Hope your visit went well today - how far away do you live from your parents?

LilRedWG · 06/01/2009 10:34

Didn't go in the end as I've had a silly virus and don't want them to get it. Am going today instead with some shopping for them. They are only about 12 miles away, so not far at all.

OP posts:

Tillyscoutsmum · 06/01/2009 10:36

Hope you have a lovely day with your parents LilRed

LilRedWG · 06/01/2009 18:50

I went, but literally saw Dad for three minutes as he was with the Mac nurse and then had to go out for his pre-radiotherapy consult.

For some reason I left feeling a little fedup and hard done by. Not sure why.

I think maybe that my mum doesn't do shows of emotion (never has done - and scorns me for showing feelings). Also, she was adamant that I knew that the Mac nurse would be there when I arrived (I didn't) and about Dad's appointment and that I'd forgotten (I never would) and basically made me feel like a useless waste of space. I know it wasn't intentional and I know it sounds extremely petty considering what they are going through, but I just needed some tlc back today and it wasn't there.

God, I sound like a selfish bitch. I hope no-one on here who matters on here (you know who you are) hates me for saying all that, but I needed to get it off my chest. I'm off to self flagilate (sp?) now.

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 06/01/2009 18:51

Now I'm crying. God, why am I so angry today? Grrr!!!!

OP posts:

onlyjoking9329 · 06/01/2009 19:20

don't beat yourself up, you are bound to have mixed emotions all the time, it is hard looking after someone else, cos then who looks after you?
you know you can email me if you want to.

Tillyscoutsmum · 06/01/2009 19:34

Oh LilRed - I have no idea what to say I am fortunate enough to have not lost anyone close so I really don't know. I suspect how you and your mom are feeling/reacting is both "normal" in the circumstances

I can give you a big non mnly hug though, if that's any help ?((((())))))

LilRedWG · 06/01/2009 20:38

Thanks both. I've had a bit of a cry on DH and he didn't tell me I was evil/stupid, so that helped. I just hate this rollercoaster of emotion. Grrr.

Thanks OJ - I do know. Works the other way too. x

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.