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Original poster

Just found out that my Dad has inoperable lung cancer - how will we cope?

206 replies

LilRedWG · 23/12/2008 15:58

Can't type much now as I'm so upset but I need to get it out of my head onto paper. DH is being a star as is DD (2.6) who keeps giving me her teddies to "help".

I feel numb and sick and I'm not ready to lose my Daddy. He's in hospital until they can sort out care at home and Mac nurses. I haven't spoken to him yet. My sister told me and I've phoned my mum. I'm going to visit him tomorrow.

I can't believe this - I can't lose my dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilRedWG · 22/01/2009 18:54

fuckitgoblin - I love your name!

Mum had most of her small intestine removed in August and has been rather ill ever since. She is vomitting and retaining massive amounts of water (it literally leaches out of her skin and drips off her legs), which is now on her lungs. They have her in to get her nutrients balanced (she is malnurished as a result of the retrictive diet from her surgery) and to run tests on her heart tonight to check the fluid hasn't affected that too. They'll also put her on a drip to get fluids in her.

I'll go and see her tomorrow.

OP posts:
fuckitgoblin · 22/01/2009 20:24

oh no! poor thing
She's been through the mill as well by the sounds of it.
The last thing you need with your dad being ill too.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 23/01/2009 09:35

Thanks Fig.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 23/01/2009 12:09

so very sorry to hear your Mum is in hospital now Lilred, hope things calm down a bit soon for you all.
you know where i am if i can help in anyway.
x

sphil · 23/01/2009 12:28

So sorry to hear this LilRed. Hope you managed to get to see her today and the hospital can relieve her symptoms. You really are going through it atm - hugs.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 23/01/2009 12:31

Thanks guys, am off to the hospital now.

I think I may be drinking lots and lots of wine tonight.

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Original poster
LilRedWG · 23/01/2009 12:31

Sphil - how're your parents?

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sphil · 23/01/2009 17:16

OK thanks - Mum is feeling effects of the chemo again, but because it's the second time round, she knows what to expect. My Dad looks exhausted though. If a stranger went into the house I think they'd pick him up as the one who's ill. Once DS2 is out of plaster I can go over once a week for a whole day and help out - but so restricted atm.

Sycamoretree · 23/01/2009 17:32

LilRedWG - I haven't been able to post before now. You started this thread around the same time as we found outlast year that my Dad's cancer was terminal. He was 73 and died last February.

I am just posting to let you know that I understand what you are going through. It is utterly exhausting isn't it? The constant stress ball of pain in your stomach as you try to keep it all together - hold at bay the inevitable avalanche of grief.

Nothing but time eases the pain. A year on, and we are starting to be able to talk about Dad without freezing up or crying.

This is doubly difficult for you with your mum being so poorly. You have so much on your shoulders at the moment...so much responsibility.

My only advice (she says, not ever having bee able to do this for herself) is to try and find moments for yourself alone, out of sight and sound of your DD, and anyone who you feel an obligation to, and just let out what needs to come out. I found it so hard to find the time to grieve and I'm paying the price of it a little now I think.

Thinking of you and your family. This disease is a bastard of a thing.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 23/01/2009 23:05

Sycamore - thank you honey. I'm so sorry about your Dad.

Sphil - much love. x

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Original poster
LilRedWG · 28/01/2009 11:08

Sphil - I've moved over to this thread - it may help you too. x

OP posts:
Original poster
LilRedWG · 06/02/2009 07:21

My lovely Dad died in the early hours of this morning. Four of us (I'm the youngest of six) were with him and it was very peaceful.

Still in shock I think - I feel sick and shaky and can't seem to regulate my temperature.

OP posts:
fryalot · 06/02/2009 08:12

lilred - so sorry to see this.

xx

NAB09 · 06/02/2009 08:15

LRWG - I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say without possibly saying the wrong thing. Thinking of you.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 06/02/2009 08:25

So sorry to hear this LilRed, I wish your darling dad a safe and peaceful journey.

You will probably suffer a variety of physical symptoms over the coming days and weeks. Take care and I hope you have someone to look after you too.

2shoesformyvalentine · 06/02/2009 08:26

LilRedWG so very sorry

moonmother · 06/02/2009 08:28

LilRedWg- so very sorry

TotalChaos · 06/02/2009 08:39

very sorry to hear this LilRedWG. Thinking of all who have posted on this thread with poorly relatives.

Tillyscoutsmum · 06/02/2009 08:42

(((LilRed)))) - I'm so very sorry

Thinking of you xx

OracleInaCoracle · 06/02/2009 08:44

my darling, im sorry. you know where i am (always) xx

Sidge · 06/02/2009 12:28

LilRed sweetheart I am so very very sorry.

Please contact me if you need a shoulder, at any time.

stealthsquiggle · 06/02/2009 12:30

So so sorry LilRed. Thinking of you.

Original poster
LilRedWG · 06/02/2009 12:42

Thank you all. Your kind thoughts mean so much to me. x

OP posts:
poopscoop · 06/02/2009 14:32

oh i am so very sorry to read this thread. Only just spotted it. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very sad time x

solo · 06/02/2009 14:36

You know I'm thinking of you LilRed. God bless you all.x