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Bereavement

Just found out that my Dad has inoperable lung cancer - how will we cope?

206 replies

LilRedWG · 23/12/2008 15:58

Can't type much now as I'm so upset but I need to get it out of my head onto paper. DH is being a star as is DD (2.6) who keeps giving me her teddies to "help".

I feel numb and sick and I'm not ready to lose my Daddy. He's in hospital until they can sort out care at home and Mac nurses. I haven't spoken to him yet. My sister told me and I've phoned my mum. I'm going to visit him tomorrow.

I can't believe this - I can't lose my dad.

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onlyjoking9329 · 06/02/2009 19:46

So very sorry lilred, you know where i am, text ring or MSN me If ever you feel that it would help.
make sure someone is looking after you, sending you hugs.

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sayithowitis · 06/02/2009 19:47

I am so, so sorry to read this LilRed. I know how hard it has been for you. I am so glad though, that it was peaceful for your dear dad. That was my only wish for my own Dearest Dad and my prayers were answered. It sounds as though yours were too. I know that your greatest wish, as mine, would have been that this would never have happened, but once it has, all we can hope is for as painfree and peaceful start to our loved ones next journey as possible.

Please look after yourself. Remember, as long as you have your Dad in your heart and as long as you continue to talk about him, he will always be with you.

Take care. [holds hand to comfort you emoticon]

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LilRedWG · 06/02/2009 21:48

Thank you.

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sphil · 07/02/2009 20:42

Have only just seen this LilRed - I'm so sorry. How is your Mum doing?

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LilRedWG · 07/02/2009 22:33

Thank you Sphil. My Mum is one strong lady.

My DSis and I went to tell Mum on Friday morning (she is in hospital) and she already 'knew'. Mum is home for the night tonight and DH, DD and I spent the afternoon with her. She is doing amazingly well.

I will update with all the details later, but at the moment am a bit numb. I miss my Dad so much - he was my hero.

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TheThoughtPolice · 08/02/2009 19:15

Sorry to hear your news, lilred (I'm from the meet up thread)

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sphil · 08/02/2009 19:33

Glad your Mum is doing well but very very for you - I can't bear to think of the time when Mum won't be here.

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samsonthecat · 08/02/2009 19:46

I'm so sorry for your loss LilRed. Thinking of you and your family

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Washersaurus · 08/02/2009 19:47

Oh LilRed, so sorry, I have only just seen this thread. I never manage to find the right words in sad situations like this, but wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and your family x

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stealthsquiggle · 08/02/2009 19:49

LilRed if there is anything boring and practical I can do to help you just have to ask - have 4WD, will brave snow as needed (just don't tell work that as I keep cancelling out of things on the grounds of being snowed in)

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NorbertDentressangle · 08/02/2009 19:50

LilRed -so sorry to hear about your Dad. I didn't realise you had all this going on in your life at the moment (Littlefish directed us here from the meet up thread).

I lost my Dad suddenly almost a year ago. He, too, had cancer - he died a week after it was diagnosed.

If you want to talk, a shoulder to cry on...or anything...please feel free to contact me.

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Furball · 08/02/2009 20:29

so sorry to hear your awful news lilred am thinking of you

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sassy · 09/02/2009 17:55

Oh Lilred, I am so sorry to hear this. I hope your Dad had a peaceful and comfortable time of it. I'm glad so many of you were able to be with him.

Do look after yourself. It will be hard with your poor mum so ill as well, but try to find the time.

Best wishes x

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LilRedWG · 09/02/2009 19:27

Thank you so much lovely ladies. I appreciate this support so much. x

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LilRedWG · 10/02/2009 17:57

Dad's funeral is on Monday. I miss him so much, but on the other hand it doesn't feel real at all. I'm confused.

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LilRedWG · 10/02/2009 18:21

Any advice on getting through the day on Monday will be much appreciated.

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NorbertDentressangle · 10/02/2009 19:34

LilRed -I remember finding the time between my Dad dying and the funeral really difficult - its as if you are in limbo in some way. We had an almost 2 week wait for the funeral because he died just before Easter. I'll be honest -it was an awful time.

Your emotions will be all over the place. I bet you're trying to hold it together when with some people (when your DD is around maybe?)and then just letting it out when you have a moment alone.

Its OK to cry, its OK to feel "OK" IYSWIM -there is no right or wrong.

I know you can't imagine it now but it does get easier, I promise you, but it will take time.

I hope you have lots of friends and family around you

x

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LilRedWG · 11/02/2009 09:32

Thanks Norbert. I just feel numb most of the time - it's so surreal, as though it's not happening at all. I occassionally cry, but not as much as I thought I would or feel I should. It just doesn't feel real.

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LilRedWG · 11/02/2009 09:34

When I do cry I really cry and feel so desperate, but then minutes later I'm fine again. I constantly feel sick and have little appetite - is this normal?

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sayithowitis · 11/02/2009 22:22

yes.

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mulranno · 12/02/2009 16:08

Dear lilRedWG, I am so sorry for you. I lost my mum in October -- she was my hero too. Things that have helped me...I did lots of things for the funeral...we all read...and contributed...as I was so proud of her and wanted to do anything I could. people said we were strong...but this was our last chance to do anything for her and show our devotion to her...and I am glad I did it for her....I also try to remember everyday that we had the most wonderful relationship and she was very very special...I am grateful to have had that love...many of my friends didn t have that. Also I read Gloria Hunnifords book "Always with You" it is a collection of all the letters she recieved following her daughters death...I found it very comforting.

all of our lives have changed forever...but I am amazed that I am still walking around. Like you - the day we we told that our lovely Mum had terminal cancer I thought that I woudl not be able to breathe or stand up when she died. I also felt she was cheated even with cancer. diagnosis to death was 8 weeks, she never got out of hospital and suffered immeasurably. We thought she would ahve chemo, a few months grace and then we would loose her...but on this forum it seems we were not alone and that others have lost their loved ones even quicker.
Be kind to yourself...I ahve found that my siblings have been very comforting

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wilbur · 12/02/2009 16:12

So sorry to hear the sad news about your Dad, lilRed. It's a terribly difficult thing to go through. Take care of yourself and accept the support your dh and dd are offering.

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LilRedWG · 12/02/2009 17:27

Thank you all.

I ate and enjoyed all of my dinner last night and then felt unbelievably guilty. This morning I had a cup of tea first thing and immedately threw up. It's such a bloody rollercoaster.

I am going to the funeral home tomorrow. Don't know if I want to see Dad or not and won't make that decision until I'm there. I'm not telling anyone in RL that I'm going. DH doesn't want me to and my siblings are split.

Had a crap day. I'm actually envious of my eldest sister as she cried all day yesterday. I want to do that. I want to get it all out and feel the reality of things.

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dizzyTHETARTANARMYdixies · 12/02/2009 17:29

am thinking about you Red x

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2shoesformyvalentine · 12/02/2009 17:30

god luck in deciding tommorow. I did have a quick peek at my dad on saturday.
sending you lots of lovexx

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