Highly Emotive subject but I would appreciate the views of others

[Tiamummy]

We are at stalemate on the subject of wakes. So i would appreciate the views of others on this. It's taken all day for me to pluck up the courage to ask

Thinking of you today Tiamummy.

I expect things feel surreal and all to real at times. Remember there's no right or wrong way to feel.

I so tired but can't sleep, i've got so many thought but no words. I feel totally bereft but you have all given me at least little hope through your messages.

Sending you much love Tiamummy, hope the day went as you planned it. God bless love CM

Hi Tias mummy

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you today . Is your oh going to b off work with you for a while ?

He's home until monday, then i'll be on my own again. My family live close by, but you know what i mean.

I do know what you mean , I hope your family are supportive . How are you both coping ? Are you managing to keep talking ?
Its so easy to go off in seperate directions

So glad you are on here my love xxx

Thats quick for him to return to work, is he ready?

How are you feeling today?

On thinking about it maybe it is a good thing that he is returning to work for him and something he maybe feels he needs to do?

Are you and he still talking about things?

Tiamum, I hope you are ok.

As others have said people grieve in different ways and it's probably not unusual that you and your dh are deep within your own separate pools of sadness.

You will come through this.

Sending you my love.

Tiamummy, hello, how are you doing today ? Have you and DH managed to talk at all ?

Hi Tiasmummy, just wanted to let you know I am still thinking of you and hope you are doing ok x

Hope you have a better sleep tonight tiamummy,
xxx

Yes he does need to return to work. He's someone who needs a sense of normal in their world, where as i'm the opposite. Time will tell how he manages, but he needs to give it a go. I just want to thank everyone for being to warm and kind to us, you are all wonderful examples of the wonder of human nature

Hi there Tiamummy.

Like you I lost my firstborn and I was a sahm, so whne I lost my ds I really felt I had no place or purpose.

I'm not sure I have any pearls of wisdom for you, but I carried on seeing my friends and their children (it didn't upset me as much as I thought, infact it was a comfort to know that life still goes on) and I decorated rooms in our house.

Weekends were very difficult as they were so family orientated, so dh and I took the chance to go away a few times, we bought cinema passes, and took the chance to catch up with friends.

Most of all, dh and I were there for each other. Be kind to one another and give each other times to cry, talk and grieve. xxx

I'm very much in the same boat as you were. I gave up working to become a mum, so i've nothing to return to even if i wanted to. 90% of my friends have children, although my best friends children are older so it hasn't affected me quite so much.
As for getting away for a while, i think that would be something to consider in a few months time but for now i feel i need to stay close to family and Tia
Our relationship is showing signs of strain right now but i will never give up.

We had one after my Dad's funeral, because a lot of people had come a long way to attend, and it seemed only right to feed them before they left.

It also gave us, my mum particularly, a chance to talk to all these people about Dad, and to thank them for coming so far.

Hi Tias mummy

Harry was also my first born , I didn't work at the time but I had applied for a part time job as a carer . I found out the crb check had gone through the day after he died so could start work as soon as I liked . I did start work about 6 wks later and for me it was a life saver . They all knew what had happened so I didn't need to explain myself to everyone . It did help to have a reason to get up in the morning . I only worked mornings and I was mostly on my own . It was also in the village were I live so I could go and see Harry whenever I wanted .
It did help but it was very hard .

All you can do is one hour / day at a time and see how you feel .
My oh went back to work after a couple of weeks . I think he felt that if he didn't do it soon he would never do it . He did struggle with it , more than I realised tbh . We did get through together but there were times when we seemed to go off and lick our wounds seperately . The biggest difference between us was that I wanted people round all the time . I couldn't stand the silence in the house where as my oh wanted us to be on our own a lot more .

I hope you are doing ok today . Sorry that sounds so trite but I hope you know what I mean
x

Having had to organised my mother's funeral recently, and as a single child, single parent, I really did not want to do it, I would say that a wake, or any time set aside for people who have come to relax outside the funeral environment will be welcome.

People want to talk, whether you want to hear it or not. Also, it is polite to feed people who have travelled a few hundred miles.

Whatever you decide, good luck.
xx

Hi again Tia's mummy.

I totally understand about not wanting to leave Tia. We were exactly the same. It took us about 6 months to go on holiday after Cole's death as we couldn't stand the thought of leaving him.

As others have said, we all grieve in different ways. You and your partner will get through this, and remember if you get through this you can get through anything.

Sorry that my previous post was so out of place - I hadn't realised how far the thread had moved on.

The love and caring shown on this and other threads is simply amazing.

Tiamummy - I'll be lighting my candle tonight and will say a special prayer for you and your dh and Tia. I just wish that there was something more that I could do for you.

Tiamummy, I am so amazed at your strength. Thank you for reminding me of the value of life and love. You're not alone. You have given hope and comfort to others not able to comprehend or deal with death and the passing of lo. God bless you, your dh and your angel Tia.
Thinking of you and yours x

I often feel very guilty that we can't get to the cemetery as often as I would like to, but I've come to realise that Lily-Hope isn't at the cemetery. I carry her where ever I go, it wasn't the baby I held for her whole life time that I buried there. I have her picture on the wall and when I look at my daughter and stepsons I see her there too.

You'll find this yourself soon, it's OK to go away because if you went as far as you could go Tia will always be there, she will never ever leave you.

Sorry, I haven't read the thread I just saw your post about leaving her and had to answer.

Sunnygirl1412 i'm just touched you cared enough to leave a message, so thankyou anyway.

There really is no strength here, just typed words on a page hiding a flood of tears. This may sound a little odd but it's the only way i can describe how i'm feeling right now, but as each day goes by i feel further away from her. Like she's slipping away from me. Can anyone make sense of this feeling?

I could have written that. She's not going away from you though, you will always carry her with you, you just have to find the place you have made for her inside yourself then when you need to you will be able to draw on that and bring her close.