Highly Emotive subject but I would appreciate the views of others

[Tiamummy]

We are at stalemate on the subject of wakes. So i would appreciate the views of others on this. It's taken all day for me to pluck up the courage to ask

[travellingwilbury]

Hi Tias mummy

How you doing today ? I am glad you took on the suggestion of having Tia home for a few hours on the day . it did help me to have him leave from here rather than the fd .

FWIW we dressed Harry in a Tigger outfit . I know it sounds daft but he loved the outfit and it was the only thing we would dress him in that he would be excited about . Normally he wasn't bothered either way what he wore but he loved that . He loved Tiger and I am glad he wore it .

All these decisions you are making at the moment are so surreal aren't they ? We had 2 wks before we could have the funeral because of the pm and even now I can't quite believe I sat and had conversations with people about music and flowers and who was going to read what . I think it takes a long time for your head to actually really catch up with what has happened .
I don't know if you would want to do this but I asked my vicar if he would tape (just audio) the service . I was really worried about being in to much of a state and not remember what was said or what happened . He was fine with it and apparently its not that unusual . I think I have listened to it once in nearly 7 yrs but I am comforted by having it

Anyway I am waffling so will go but I just wanted you to know I am here thinking of you
xx

[ILikeToScareYouScareYou]

Thinking of you Tiamummy xxx

[whispywhisp]

tiamummy....how are you? xxxxx

[Tiamummy]

I've had a very difficult day

[ggglimpopo]

Tiamummy - there is no right and no wrong - there are only the decisions that you make as you go along and you do the best you can.

I was in hospital myself for routine surgery when my little girl died. I was only able to see her the day of the funeral itself. After the funeral we had pink champagne and those pink champagne biscuits in a house full of pink balloons to celebrate her life - I was completely out of it all and remember v little, but we could not just let her go without saying goodbye.

She died last year and I remember so well feeling as you must do now. I am so sorry to hear how hard things are for you and your husband. He is suffering too, but we all suffer our own private grief, however close the couple, and the situation is impossible - but you will get through it, day by day.

I think I left you my msn on another thread, if you wish to talk or to email me:

gggglimpopo at hotmail dot com

[Tiamummy]

Her sending off sounds beautiful if you don't mind me saying. We've got lots of pink aswell, and we don't want anyone wearing black
I''ve had to sort out what Tias wearing today and my god that's been so hard, i am physically exhausted. It's getting too close

[codtrolfreaky]

everyday must be impossibly difficult at the moment.... thinking of you. are you and dh talking?

[Tiamummy]

As much as we can yes, but emotionally he is pretty much a closed book at the moment, but i'm doing as much as i can to get in without pushing him

[nooOOOoonki]

Tiamummy, I have been thinking of you since I read this thread yesterday but had no time to post.

I have nothing of use to add other than I am thinking of you and your husband. Good luck on Wednesday x

[shabster]

Its a weird kind of tiredness isin't it? Its too much to take in tiredness - please God dont make me have to do this tiredness.

Please be kind to yourself. xxxxx

[shabster]

We asked everyone to come in bright colours. A dear friend of ours was from St. Kitts in the West Indies. He came in white trousers, a tropical print shirt and a white hat - he looked fab and Matt would have loved that. I had to smile when I saw my Grandma's expression when she saw his outfit - Im sure she tutted! It sounds like you will be honoring your little girl in a beautiful way. xx

[feedmenow]

Tiasmum, glad you got the outfit sorted. Can you tell us what you've chosen? Or do you want to keep it personal?

Also, you mentioned readings. I haven't got the gist of your religious beliefs, and I guess a large part of it depends on that. But we are not religious and struggled a little to find appropriate non-religious readings. In the end, our minister suggested an extract he uses from winnie the Pooh - the part about Winnie and hristopher Robin, when Christopher is going off to school saying how he'll always be there.

And then I asked the minister to read a book I'd found called The Runaway Bunny. It's about a little bunny "running away" and no matter where it goes, his mummy follows him and finds him and becomes part of the thing he is running to.

Lots of love to you. x

[NorthernLurker]

Tiamummy - whilst you have to wait for the headstone I believe you can get a temporary wooden cross errected for now. My nan certainly did that for my grandfather - I don't think she wanted to leave the grave unmarked.
Will be thinking of you and your dh on Wednesday.

[whispywhisp]

We couldn't have a headstone for my Dad for 6months after his funeral because you have to let the land settle. The Funeral Directors erected a beautiful wooden cross with a brass plaque on it with Dad's name etc on it.

[Tiamummy]

We've got a beautiful ivory silk smocked dress with a little bonnet, little tights to go with it. We got two as suggested, but the cashier asked if they were for twins and i had to walk away leaving my husband to deal with it

[frasersmummy]

hi tiasmum there are so many things to cope with when all you really want to do is hide from the world arent there

I remember wanting to scream I dont care just do it whenof course i really really did care

If you want the grave marked you will have to ask your fd..they wont put up the cross unless you ask. That was another horrid decison.. what to have on the plaque on the cross

and then of course when you get your headstone what do you do with the cross??

[lauraloola]

Hi Tiasmummy. The outfit sounds lovely, Im sure she will absolutely beautiful in it x

[Tiamummy]

It's all too much , and another day is over and another day closer to saying goodbye to my little girl

[feelingbitbetter]

So,so sorry xxx

[Ruthie71]

I think you have answered it for yourself when you say in your gut you think you won't cope on the day if you don't so this. I went to the funeral parlour to see my mum - I was the only in my family to do this - but I needed to in order to cope at the funeral. I wanted to say a tribute for my mum and I knew I wouldn't be able to get the words out if I didn't see her again before the day. I gave her a white rose and stayed with her for only a few minutes but it has really helped me since because it's another treasured memory I have with her.
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time. x

[travellingwilbury]

MOrning Tias mummy

I never did say goodbye to Harry , I said au revoir , I know i WILL see him again one day and I feel him so close to me sometimes . I know that the words probably don't really matter but to me they did . Same result on the day but it made me feel better . The outfit sounds beautiful , well done to both of you on being able to do that . I know I had it in my head that I needed a new dress and had to go shopping a couple of days before the funeral and it was the middle of dec . It was so hard to be around all these normal people and not just shout and scream at them . I think that maybe the victorians were right and we should all wear a black armband while grieving and that would possibly stop people saying stupid things to us .
You are in my thoughts Tias mummy

xxx

[shabster]

Morning Tiasmummy.

All the girls on the bereavement thread have decided to light candles on Wednesday in honour of Tia.

We all feel useless that we cant help you and thought we should show our respect for you and your family.

It would be wonderful if everybody who has posted on your thread would like to join us.

Sending you all hugs and love from Lancashire xxxxx

[mamadiva]

To all the ladies out there,

I haven't dealt with the pain or grief you are going through but I just wanted to add how brave I think youa ll are, I know that sounds daft but really I just don't imagine coping with that sort of loss.

Tiasmummy I read your original thread re Tia and left a message for you it's so heartbreaking reading your story and everyone else's I will light a candle for little Tia tomorrow, I never knew her but she sounds as though she was a very much loved and special child. She will never leave your heart no matter where she is.

Stay strong and let your memories of all your little ones keep you safe and warm xxx

[shabster]

I hate having to ask this but what time is Tias funeral? We would like to light our candles around Britain to coincide with it. I keep typing out words and then deleting them because they sound wrong. xxxxx

[mice]

I would like to light a candle for Tia. Although I can no nothing physically to help with your pain I would like you to know we are thinking of you all here in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire