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My little brother died 2 weeks ago today

188 replies

evansmummy · 13/06/2008 22:29

I say little, he was 24. He died 5 days after a hit and run accident in the city where he lived. He graduated from uni last year and was still living and working there. He was due to move back home in three weeks time.

He spent 5 days in Neuro ICU battling a serious brain injury but it was too much for him in the end. My parents, other brother (27, I am eldest) and I were with him when he died.

He was the most beautiful, sensitive, kind, energetic and passionate boy. He went for what he wanted and believed in everything he did. I am so angry that he has been taken from us when his life was just getting started. He had everything going for him, and an amazing future ahead of him.

I am getting drunk every night, smoking 5 times more tha normal, and have this huge resentment toward God and the person who hit him. The injustice of it just makes me want to scream out loud. I feel sick to the stomach with grief, and anger, and loss. I wish he could come back. I love him so very much.

The funeral is not until Monday, then we have 10 months before a court case (the driver was handed in by his family members) and an inquest. I can't believe this has happened to us.

OP posts:
stoppinattwo · 16/06/2008 07:19

am thinking of you today EM....XX

TodayToday · 16/06/2008 07:45

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother.

hertsnessex · 16/06/2008 07:51

Thinking of you today Evansmummy. Hoping all goes as well as possible.

xx

VaginaShmergina · 16/06/2008 08:32

evansmummy, I am walking with you today....

You will feel the love people had for him today in that room and be proud he was such a good person.

"To live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die"

PeckaRolloverAgain · 16/06/2008 09:40

Thinking of you today, I hope through the tears and sadness you can take some comfort from all of the many people who come to pay their respects to your wonderful brother.

xxxxxxx

biglips · 16/06/2008 09:43

im so sorry to hear

mummylin2495 · 16/06/2008 11:10

evansmummy i know today is a terrible ordeal for you and your family.But you will get through it.Thinking of you at this time x

MaryAnnSingleton · 16/06/2008 13:20

hello again evansmummy - really hope that today goes as well as it can - thinking of you and sending love to you and your family,especially to your dad too x

VaginaShmergina · 16/06/2008 15:38

Just checking in, hope you are OK and you and your family are ok. x

trulymadlydeeply · 16/06/2008 19:31

Just read this thread. So very sorry evansmummy. I do hope that today has been bearable for you.

Touched by all the posts on here - so sorry to hear of all the losses .

Love to you all,

XXX

VaginaShmergina · 16/06/2008 21:35

Me again.......

MaryAnnSingleton · 17/06/2008 11:09

how are you today evansmummy ?

VaginaShmergina · 17/06/2008 11:40

Morning evansmummy, how did it go yesterday ?

How are you feeling this morning. Thinking of you.

x

evansmummy · 17/06/2008 18:16

Hi

What an awful day today has been.

Yesterday went ok. Got through the funeral much better than I thought I would. I went into some kind of auto-pilot, did my reading and listened without crying to all the tributes. They were all beautiful. The church was packed, over 300 people were there, so many young people. That's what made me cry the most, just seeing so so so many people who loved my brother. When we arrived they were all still going in and they just didn't seem to stop coming.

The worst was the mrivate family service at the crematorium. I found it so difficult to leave the side of his coffin. I sobbed and sobbed, my chest heaving.

The wake was ok. Lots of my brother's friends from college and ni I didn't know. So dutifully did the rounds, introducing myself, listening to their stories. It was an amazing thing to hear how people were touched and often changed by my brother. And so many of his childhood friends, and old friends of the family were there.

But unfortunately around 8pm it all went pear-shaped. I had a lot to drink and nothing to eat and I was wy wy wy too drunk. We had planned to have a quiet family evening at home, but my other brother decided to go on from the wake with this mates for a curry and the pub. I really wanted to join them, but had ds to take home. Long story short, my mum and i had a huge slnaging match in their drive, with the neighbour looking on, chuckling and seemingly enjoying it all. We both said some really mean things to each other. Eventually my dad took us home around 11.30.

Today I feel awful. So tired, a bit hung over and incredibly sad. My heart has been aching all day long. I cry so easily. I can't stop thinking about how unfair it is, how I'm never gonna see him again, how much I wish him back. I never thought I could feel so sad. And I never want to stop feeling sad. I miss him and want him back so much.

OP posts:
TinySocks · 17/06/2008 19:07

evans, I am so so sorry for your loss, your lovely little brother will always be in your heart. Life seems to terribly unfair sometimes.
I hope you find strength from somewhere and continue living your life. And I really hope that at least if there is some justice in this world, that person will serve a jail sentence.

VaginaShmergina · 17/06/2008 20:06

I am glad the funeral went well and that you spoke to lots of your brothers friends, its amazing isn't it, where do they all come from, how could he possibly have touched so many people ?

Yes that not eating and drinking this is a bastard aint it !!! Obviously all then came to a head, and the last thing you needed was gloating neighbours.

Have you spoken to your Mum today ?

Where there problems before your brother died ?

Thank you for posting and keeping us up to date, I would say regardless of how awful you feel, try and post every day. I so wish that MN existed after I lost my brother as the virtual love and friendship youcan get here is amazing and so uplifting.

MaryAnnSingleton · 17/06/2008 20:16

evansmummy - you poor girl- you've been through a hellish time and I'm so sorry it all went awry towards the end - it must have required great strength to do your reading and just to be there and go through it all - but you did it and your brother would be very proud. Try not to dwell on the later bits - neighbour and all - am sure your mum and you will be ok and talk it through - obviously you are all in very great pain and it has to come out somewhere - drink is a bit of a tongue loosener. Sorry to witter on but I wanted to say well done and to come back here to talk - we do understand xxx

MrsTittleMouse · 17/06/2008 20:17

I'm sorry you had such a bad day. You and your Mum are under such stress, I'm sure that the arguement will blow over.
I'm and at your neighbours, by the way.

trulymadlydeeply · 17/06/2008 20:32

I hope the day has improved for you, evansmummy. I'm sure you and your mum were letting off steam - you've both lost somone so dear and the pain sounds horrendous.

Love to you during this awful time,

xxx

daffodill6 · 17/06/2008 22:54

Oh really sorry it went pear shaped - but I guess lots of emotion flying around. You'll probalbly need to give it a day or two and then you and your mum will see things a bit straighter..

Keep on crying ..its not wrong to miss him..appreciate that others do too ..but maybe show it in a different way....

It will take time. xx

thumbwitch · 17/06/2008 23:05

So sorry for you - and worse for you that you had the fall-out with your mum, I'm sure it was just heightened emotions.
Lost my mum to cancer very suddenly (undiagnosed until 2 weeks prior to her death) almost a year ago and am still coming to terms with the loss; have found the last 2 weeks I am bcoming more emotional as I remember what I was doing this time last year, when we didn't know...
So, don't be surprised at your emotions, and don't expect too much of yourself - you will have good days and then bad days; the good days will become more frequent and then you will get hit by a run of bad days. The five stages of grieving really do happen, but sometimes they go backwards a stage before moving on.
I don't believe that you ever recover or get "healed" by time, but you do get used to it and the pain diminishes until you can remember and smile about your lost loved one again.
Most of all, take care of yourself and let others take care of you too - allowing yourselves the time and space to grieve and vent is essential for your continued well-being.

evansmummy · 18/06/2008 06:29

Mum and I apologised yesterday, but didn't really talk. Spent some time looking over a photo album that his uni mates had put togther. His closest friends had added memories of him and it was hard to read them.

I was up before 5 this morning and now I'm exhauted already.

Want the ground to swallow me up.

OP posts:
JoshandJamie · 18/06/2008 07:07

oh Evansmummy, my heart is breaking for you. Am actually crying while reading your most recent posts. It will eventually get better. Not much reassurance now I know. Hope you have a better day. If you can, try to do something normal, something you enjoy. You might feel that it's wrong to enjoy yourself at this time but it's simply a way of coping and not something you should feel guilty about doing.

VaginaShmergina · 18/06/2008 07:45

Morning evansmummy, I can guarantee you hand on heart those photos and words will make you smile one day, probably still have a tear or two but smile.

Try and get out of the house today if you can, or keep popping in here, there are plenty of people around during the day.

Cry if you want to, trying to be brave is not such a good thing, let out the emotion.

Big hugs

x

MaryAnnSingleton · 18/06/2008 09:47

hang on in there evansmummy - we are here for you xxxx

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