My little brother died 2 weeks ago today

[evansmummy]

I say little, he was 24. He died 5 days after a hit and run accident in the city where he lived. He graduated from uni last year and was still living and working there. He was due to move back home in three weeks time.

He spent 5 days in Neuro ICU battling a serious brain injury but it was too much for him in the end. My parents, other brother (27, I am eldest) and I were with him when he died.

He was the most beautiful, sensitive, kind, energetic and passionate boy. He went for what he wanted and believed in everything he did. I am so angry that he has been taken from us when his life was just getting started. He had everything going for him, and an amazing future ahead of him.

I am getting drunk every night, smoking 5 times more tha normal, and have this huge resentment toward God and the person who hit him. The injustice of it just makes me want to scream out loud. I feel sick to the stomach with grief, and anger, and loss. I wish he could come back. I love him so very much.

The funeral is not until Monday, then we have 10 months before a court case (the driver was handed in by his family members) and an inquest. I can't believe this has happened to us.

So so very sorry for your loss. Your post brought tears to my eyes. The world can be so unfair.

I think the best guidance I was given was, you will never get over it, but you learn to get around it.

HTH

Evansmummy, that's such sad news. What a tragedy. I too am a big sister and my brother is now 34 and will always be my baby brother.I don't know I'd get through such a loss either.

I'm so sorry.

Wishing you strength for the funeral on Monday.

evansmummy - I so sorry for your loss.

May I make a suggestion for the funeral? Record the service somehow. We had my father in laws funeral earlier this week and the next day my mil asked if we had a recording of it so she could listen again. No one had thought to do this. Listening to those friends eulogies again may bring some comfort to your family and help you remember the wonderful person his friends knew.

You're right that when the grim reality sets in it's really hard. All of it is really hard. You have every right to be angry. But people are extraordinarily resilient. Everything else I want to say just sounds like a platitude - just focus on the funeral for now.

im am so sorry evansmummy i know what you are going through i lost my younger sister too,she was 26 and expecting her second baby.It is devastating and you cant imagine the world is continuing when you are in such depair.The only thing that i can say is although you dont think so at the moment ,life can still be good eventually ,when you have done your grieving, your life will once again be happy ,but in saying that your brother im sure will always be in your heart and one day you will look back and be able to laugh about some of the things he did.It takes a while and there is always a chink missing out of your family chain.i send you my deepest sympathies.x

Evansmummy - I am deeply sorry about your brothers death - so very sorry.

All the things you are feeling are totally normal - sadly I can understand your emotions and thoughts because I have been through a similar tragedy.

There is a thread on MN for bereaved mummies - BUT they are a wonderful group of ladies and would never ignore anyone just because they are not the mummy of a person who has passed away. If you feel up to it I know you would get support from the ladies on the thread. Please have a think about it you would be welcomed and most importantly 'listened to.'

So very sorry for your loss

I will go and link it now and put the link on here for you.

I and scored of people from my church prayed our hearts out for my brother those days he was in hospital. Feel totally abandoned. I trusted God implicitly and I feel like he's let me down.

The sunflower thread

I'm so sorry for your loss, Evansmummy, and I'm so sorry that nothing can take away the pain.

Don't blame your god, evansmummy.

I am very very sorry for your loss - my DDs are 26 & 23 & my DSs are 20 & 15 and I know the girls would react to the loss of one of the boys in exactly the way you are. Devastating. Hugs.

it is natural to be angry evansmummy.You are tryng to make sense of it all.Why your brother ,why my sister ,what did they ever do to deserve this ?You will feel all sorts of emotions for quite a while.I hope the person who has taken your brothers life is suitably punished ,although I doubt it will make you feel any better .I promise you it does get better ,you will not always feel the way you are at the moment.

The afternoon that my son was killed I screamed the house down 'Please god dont let him die, please god dont let him die.' I chanted that for over an hour. All the way to the hospital in the police car.

I felt like God (or whoever I was shouting to) utterly and totally ignored me. I rocked backwards and forwards - I pleaded with God. I was so angry when Matt died...it took a long time before I calmed down.

I have no faith anymore. Many people find that their faith grows stronger. I still, after 16 years struggle to go into a church for any reason.

shabster

evansmummy. I can't begin to know how you are feeling, but I just wanted to let you know that there are plenty of people on here that will listen and support, whenever you need it. I'm choking back the tears, with the though of loosing my brother and wish you much strength in the next few days in particular and onwards. Your brothe sounds like a lovely lad and I'm sure he'll be missed by many. Keep talking/posting. That, I know, does help. x

Shabster. I'm right there with you.

Couldnt read withough passing on my sympathies. LIfe is very unfair x

Funny, haven't really posted on MN since ds was a newborn. But i do remember then that it helped.

It's just so cruel.

I'm gonna pop a sleeping pill and knock myself out for 7 hours. Thanks for your posts and sympathy. Comforting to feel the compassion of total strangers. I'd forgotten what an amazing place this is...

when the chips are down, MN really comes into its own, imo. There may be all kinds of full moon stuff going on elsewhere, but when someone calls for help or support, its the greatest place to be.

Take care love, I hope you can get some sleep. You need to look after yourself. One day at a time.

Evans - I am so sorry to read about your loss - I absolutely understand your feelings..it's bleeding hard to cope with all of the emotions you are going & going to go through, expect a massive ride of them similar to that of being on a rollercoaster.

When my dad died, I too went through a phase (in the very early stages of grief)of drinking & smoking way too much. I laughed when I was told that he was dead, I was stunned, I screamed at the top of my lungs 12 hours later, I hoped I would see him again, I thought it was a dream and I was going to wake up, I accepted it, I then hated it and other people, I got even more angrier with the situation that I was facing, I then simply accepted it. (although sometimes I wish I could just see & speak to him even if it was for 3 minutes) It's been 13 years for me almost to the day and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. However, I know you don't want to hear this right now, it does get easier.

One thing I wish I had done and this may help you - I wish I had written a letter to him and a photo of us and put it in his pocket when I saw him in the chapel of rest.

Thinking of you tonight!

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I remember praying for a close friend (me, my church, his church) and yet he still died aged 18. He'd never been ill a day in his life until the cancer. I was angry at God for a very long time. He was like my brother and he made me laugh like no one else ever has.

God and I got back on speaking terms, but it took a while. He understands your grief and He doesn't mind if you get angry with him. Just know that He never leaves you.

Very sorry, such sadness, I think we all feel it. Wishing you strength to get through this very hard and painful time.
I lost a friend in a car accident a year ago this week. The feelings of wanting to 'turn the clock back' still have not gone but the acceptance is there more and more. Best wishes x

Goodness, that is terrible for you and I'm sorry...I cannot imagine your pain.x

The Dash

Marslady brought this poem to my attention a few months ago - it is so true. xx

Oh my goodness Evansmummy, where the hell do I start ?

Surely there is not a god, he took your brother, he took mine too. BASTARD

I am so pleased for you that your brother made it to his age and had the opportunity to be an Uncle,and for you to see him in that role.

TOTALLY TOTALLY understand the drinking and the smoking, anything to make that gut wrenching hell fade, just for a minute.

I hated that waking up in the morning bit and getting your bearings and realising it was not a dream(nightmare) but in fact true and your truly precious brother had been stolen from you.

I have not long gone past the Anniversary of my brother being gone longer than he was here.

I was blessed to call him my brother for 18 years and 8 months exactly, he has now been gone for 18 years 10 months, one week and one day.

Where the hell did that time go to ?????

Such a cruel way for your brother to be taken, at the hands of someone else, we will never know how he diesor how my cousin and her husband came about drowning on their honeymoon.

I mentioned to a close friend who has posted here already tonight, only yesterday in fact, did she think there was a place for a thread for grieving siblings?

I have been through an awful lot of what you are going through and will do all I can do to help you, answer questions and be here for you to have someone to vent at.

I am glad you have some tablets to help you sleep, sleeping is good, drinking, well thats a conversation for another day !

My email is [email protected]

Do email if you want but keep posting here, as you can see the support network is amazing and there are many many shoulders to lean on and many ears listening.

I do have to tell you though, and you will think I'm talking a load of twoddle, some how, some when a bit further down the road it gets easier. Still hurts like hell but it gets easier.

Big hugs to you, if I could wrap my arms around you I would