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Bereavement

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My little brother died 2 weeks ago today

188 replies

evansmummy · 13/06/2008 22:29

I say little, he was 24. He died 5 days after a hit and run accident in the city where he lived. He graduated from uni last year and was still living and working there. He was due to move back home in three weeks time.

He spent 5 days in Neuro ICU battling a serious brain injury but it was too much for him in the end. My parents, other brother (27, I am eldest) and I were with him when he died.

He was the most beautiful, sensitive, kind, energetic and passionate boy. He went for what he wanted and believed in everything he did. I am so angry that he has been taken from us when his life was just getting started. He had everything going for him, and an amazing future ahead of him.

I am getting drunk every night, smoking 5 times more tha normal, and have this huge resentment toward God and the person who hit him. The injustice of it just makes me want to scream out loud. I feel sick to the stomach with grief, and anger, and loss. I wish he could come back. I love him so very much.

The funeral is not until Monday, then we have 10 months before a court case (the driver was handed in by his family members) and an inquest. I can't believe this has happened to us.

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 13/06/2008 22:31

So very sorry

Life seems so cruel at times doesn't it?

harman · 13/06/2008 22:32

Message withdrawn

Dottydot · 13/06/2008 22:32

oh evansmummy I'm so sorry i've got a little brother in his 30's and he's still my little brother and I'm a very protective big sister - can't imagine what you're going through.

luckywinner · 13/06/2008 22:32

dearest evansmummy, i am truly sorry to hear about your brother. he sounded like a very lovely person and you are right, it is incredibly wrong that he has been taken from you and your family. i just wanted you to know that i am thinking of you

Hulababy · 13/06/2008 22:32

So sorry

Califrau · 13/06/2008 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rolf · 13/06/2008 22:33

So sorry Evansmummy

robinpud · 13/06/2008 22:33

So very sorry; I think I would feel angry and utterly bereft too. There's nothing I can say to ease that for you, but am just so very sorry.

Furball · 13/06/2008 22:34

very sorry evansmummy

ThingOne · 13/06/2008 22:34

I am so sorry to hear your news.

expatinscotland · 13/06/2008 22:35

Oh, evans, I am so sorry!

herbietea · 13/06/2008 22:36

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Tortington · 13/06/2008 22:37

i am so sorry for your loss.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 13/06/2008 22:39

Small comfort I know, but at least on the back of those family members, you have a form of closure and will be able to take comfort from the due process.

My lifelong friend was killed due her stupidity and a drunk driver, she was a passenger......He died also, I did not have a focus, it took me a long time to get over it....

I know it must seem like cold comfort, but the court case will give you closure.

HTH

LGJ

xxxx

Hassled · 13/06/2008 22:40

I'm so sorry. My oldest DS is not much younger - nearly 21 - I can't imagine what your family is going through. And I can't imagine losing my own brother.

Funerals do serve a really valuable purpose - the ritual does help you say goodbye. It doesn't help with the injustice of it all. I've lost both my parents - all I can really say is that while you will always miss him, and always feel resentful, it does in time just become part of who you are, part of the baggage you carry around with you, and you do learn to live with it and in time, it won't stop you feeling happy again. In a few weeks, when life on the surface is back to normal, please get some bereavement counselling.

evansmummy · 13/06/2008 22:41

He was one in a million. I miss him so much. Can't believe I'm never gonna see him again. In all his life, I never once had cross words with him, we never fell out. I trusted him with all my secrets, we laughed and shared and played. He was the best uncle, always had time for my ds. It is just so unfair.

I don't honestly know how I'm gonna get through this. Seems to get harder every day.

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 13/06/2008 22:44

how very very sad for you all

i have twin brothers who are 30 and they will always be my baby brothers.... i cant imagine how i would feel in your position..... very sad for you

evansmummy · 13/06/2008 22:44

I'm frightened of the funeral. It will be so final. Many of his friends are coming from uni, college and secondary school. Some are giving eulogies. When there is no longer the funeral to focus on I will feel even more lost than I do now.

Thanks, hassled, I thoroughly plan to get some conselling. I'll need all the help I can get.

OP posts:
BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 13/06/2008 22:48

It will get harder and harder and then one day it won't be quite so hard,and you will have a good day. Then you will feel guilty for having a good day,and then the rest of your day won't be quite so great.

Then a few days later, you have another good day and it will be a bit longer until you think of him.

It will not mean that you love him or miss him any less, it just means that whether you like it or not, time is healing you.

I am probably not making much sense, but if you need to CAT me, I will do my best to make sense of it.

LGJ

xxx

evansmummy · 13/06/2008 22:48

LGJ, I'm so sorry.

I could kill this man if I saw him now. This coming from a 'nice Christian lady'. Fat lot of good that did me...

OP posts:
indiemummy · 13/06/2008 22:48

Oh Evansmummy, I am so sorry, that's just the worst thing. I feel so sorry for you, and for your other brother and your poor parents. My little brother is 25. It's just incomprehensible.

Sorry I don't know what to say. Just take it day by day and use MN whenever you need to let it all out.

I'm so sorry xx

mamalovesmojitos · 13/06/2008 22:49

evansmumny i dont know if anything i say can offer comfort but i am so sorry. i have younger brothers and i love them so much. i'm also 24.

it is so fucking unfair. you must be so angry. i dont want to underestimate the pain you are in but i'd like to reach out a hand and tell you that you WILL get through this. you just have to take baby steps.

he sounds like an amazing young man.

evansmummy · 13/06/2008 22:50

You are making sense.

I am surprised that it's getting harder. I thought it would get easier after a few weeks. But I guess you get over the shock and then the reality sets in and that's when it starts to get harder.

I'm making a photo album for Monday for people to leave messages in and I can't bear to look at the photos anymore. I am so angry.

OP posts:
BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 13/06/2008 22:51

I fell out with God as well, but I made my way back on my terms.

LynetteScavo · 13/06/2008 22:53

So bloody unfair.

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