For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Good luck for the funeral @Totallybannanas - my dad chose to have a direct cremation but we are having a celebration of life for him in a few weeks which I’m dreading just as much as I would a funeral. I just feel like it’s going to be the one thing that makes it feel real.
I’ve not been too good unfortunately, I’ve ignored what’s happened for the last week and now it’s starting to hit me a bit more. I suffer quite severely with anxiety and agoraphobia and I can feel the need to hide away getting stronger and stronger. I miss my dad so much, there’s so much I want to talk to him about and it’s only been 13 days. Although, those 13 days have felt like a lifetime.
love to all of you xx

Hi @Totallybannanas I feel the same as @Marshmallow201 I was dreading my mum's funeral but although it was one of the saddest days of my life and it did make it all so real I also found some comfort in giving her a proper goodbye. I'll be thinking of you and hoping it goes well. I'm glad that seeing your dad was peaceful.
@Tiddlersfish I often feel the same there's so much that I want to tell my mum and it was especially so in the very early weeks, she was the one I would have told about it all. Sending you love and strength.
Much love to everyone and hope you're all doing as best as you can.

Is anyone else dreading Christmas? I have always absolutely loved it, but all
the shops are now full of decorations and I’m trying to hold back the tears. I’ve got mum’s birthday and mine between now and Christmas too. My DH will try so hard and I need to make an effort for him. But I don’t want to.

@TolkienwasrightYes. I feel sick when I see Christmas stuff in shops and on tv. I just don’t know how I going to get through it. The kids are excited so hoping I can pull it together for them but part of me wants to fast forward to January in some ways. We’ve just had mums birthday though and whilst I did miss dad we had a nice day as a family so I’m sure we will have nice moments at Christmas too. My birthday at Christmas too - dreading the card with one name on it….. this is so hard

@Tolkienwasright Totally dreading it! Dad loved Christmas and would always be wearing his elf hat or slippers. I'm worried I'll be the one in the corner on Christmas day shedding a tear and bring everyone else down. Coming up to 7 months since dad died and this just isn't getting any easier...

It's my birthday today. For the first time ever in my whole life I've not had a card from my mum. My relationship with her was complex and not very easy but it still feels weird and sad.

Hi all, @Totallybannanas , will be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope it all goes as well as it can and being surrounded by people who also loved and cared about your loved one also brings you comfort xx
@Tolkienwasright yes also dreading the first Christmas, without my Mum. It wont be the same, I doubt it will ever feel the same. You know when people describe the meal they would have as their last supper? My answer would always have been a christmas dinner cooked by my Mum. She was a wonderful cook, among many other great things... My brother has already said he doesn't want to give or receive any gifts 😢 I feel like I still need to make it as nice as possible for my kids, especially after the year weve had but if I could I'd ignore it totally this year too xx

@EducatingArti Happy Birthday! I'm sorry it's been a tough day. It's that reminder that they've gone and what feels normal is no longer normal.

I have mixed emotions about Christmas. I love Christmas and my mum did too. She always cooked Christmas dinner (normally refused any help!) She loved decorating the tree and buying and wrapping gifts. And I enjoy all those things too, I got it all from her. My Dad and brother are coming over to me for Christmas day. I want to make Christmas magical for my 2 DC but also for my Dad and brother. It's been a difficult year and I think we deserve some joy and happiness. And so do all of you. I know my mum would want us to enjoy ourselves, as bittersweet as it will be. I'm going to make the Irish cream tiramisu, that she liked. It will be a hard day to get through but I want to celebrate it because she loved Christmas so much.

@EducatingArti sorry I didnt see your post earlier, happy birthday 💐 I hope, despite it feeling sad and strange without your mums card, you've had an ok day xxx

Thank b you @Marshmallow201 and @FunnyCrabDance

I've had a good few weeks but this weekend I've been hit by a massive wave of grief. It's been 7 months since we lost Mum, it's gone so fast.

I keep reaching for the phone to ring her, watching Strictly I think I'll ring her and we'll talk about the dances, then I remember.

I'm dreading Christmas and New Year, saying bye to a year she was last in and starting a new one without her.

Sorry I'm rambling.

I'm still looking for signs or her presence and there's none 😭

I'm sorry it is tough @Fightingdragonswithyou
I think grief hits in the strangest ways and sometimes quite randomly.
Can you make sure you are looking after yourself physically - good health food, going for a walk, trying to get decent sleep?

I've got a week annual leave so my and DH are planning on walks and eating out to try and chill.
Not going to lie I've wasted today by laying under a blanket with the cat but I probably needed it.

Cat therapy is a fine thing and has much to be recommended!

Hope everyone is ok. My dad's funeral was Friday and lots of people turned up. Not every went to plan, but it was good send off and everyone commented on it it being a lovely service. I have been really tired and deflated the last few days. It's very final now and I feel very sad and alone.

@Fightingdragonswithyou I’m sorry you’ve been hit by a wave of grief. I can relate I think we’re similar in timescales I’m coming up for 8 months. I’ve had the same feeling, doing ok and then hit by a massive low. I’m trying to just accept the lows when they happen and lean in a bit rather than trying to stop them because I can’t. Staying under the covers with your cat sounds like a good call. Like you I’m not looking forward to Christmas and probably the new year the most because same as you, entering a new year without my mum feels so sad.
I hope you have a good week, walks and good food sound comforting.
@Totallybannanas The day/weeks after the funeral are hard, I felt exhausted and low too. Try and take care of yourself, make sure you eat and let yourself rest. And be gentle on yourself, you’ve had a massive blow and it’s no wonder you feel like you do. Take care x

Hi All, just checking in on how everyone is doing?
Sending love to everyone. I feel like I’m entering the ‘this time last year,’ stage as my mum died in March but there were, in retrospect, little things that were happening around Christmas time which were out of the ordinary. Also I have her birthday coming up and my first Christmas ever without my mum, so all feeling a bit sad.
♥️

Hi @dmango , sending love back to you xx
Its a bit grim coming up to xmas this year, my Mum died in August so also the first xmas without her 💔 I think we all knew that last Christmas would be the last 'normal' one and it was such a nice day we didnt want it to end, I remember my daughter and I both crying in the car on the way home.
If I didnt have kids I think I'd just not bother this year but I'll make an effort for their sake.

Thank you @FunnyCrabDance ❤️
I agree if there weren’t any children to consider I would just go away and ignore it altogether but we’re just going to try and do things differently. It’s going to feel shit though and sad.
It sounds like you had a lovely but difficult day last year, knowing maybe that things were going to change. Looking back there were clues that my mum was declining but they didn’t seem obvious at the time.
anyway take care of yourself x

Such best wishes to you all. My father died early September and last week my brother had a severe mental breakdown ( I think partly caused by this ) and is now in a secure Mental health ward awaiting assessment -ie sectioned. Without being unsympathetic - & I probably am - My DM & I just don't need this at the moment. We're still wading through probate etc. I just feel I've had enough without this to worry about as well & more so , my DM she is late 80s. Sounds selfish I know. But feels good to say it. I'll get by but goodness - it doesn't help.

Sending love to you all. My colleague lost her mum today and I sent her message saying how sorry I was and that I was thinking of her. And now I'm home from work I feel like I've been hit by a bus emotionally. I guess because my colleague is going through what I went through 7 months ago, it's brought a lot of feelings to the surface.

@BasiliskStare your brother is hopefully in a good place where he can get the help he needs. I can understand how your feeling and I don't think it's selfish. Yes you are safeguarding your wellbeing but also of that of your DM. Sometimes there is only so much we can give and if you're running on empty, there is not a lot you can give. Don't be hard on yourself.

I’m dreading Christmas but doing it for the children otherwise I would also just go away. I think the dark nights have made everything feel worse to. I’d love to be able to see and talk to my dad and I can’t get my head round that he really is gone even though it’s nearly 9 months. Sending love to you all and willing you all to carry on as best you can x

Hi @YourVividDuck
I’m like you I just want to have a chat with my mum and still getting my head round there’s no coming back after 8 months.
I think it’s just such a big loss to process, we’ve never been without them before.
I hope you find the strength and get through Christmas, hopefully seeing the children enjoy their time will provide some comfort ♥️

@dmango Thank you for your lovely message. Let’s get through this together. I’ll keep you in my thoughts