For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Is it a direct cremation? I think this is getting a bit more popular ( and it is certainly cheaper) where no one actually attends the crematorium.
I doesn't mean that there has to be no ceremony to mark the person's life though. It just means that the friends and family are free to organise what ever type on commemoration they wish, away from the coffin/burial/cremation aspect.

I have no idea.

It doesn't sound like my mother to be honest who liked occasions and was pretty fussy about weddings, for example.

I have asked that someone actaully contacts me today but heard nothing.

The only message I have had implies my attendance will not be required til April if even then.

Her husband (number 4!) is very wealthy so money shouldn't be a deciding factor.

I’m so sorry for everyone who’s recently lost a parent, and for all the tough days in between.
I haven’t posted since August after losing my darling Dad in June, I’ve tried to bury myself in keeping on, and we’ve progressed a complaint about the terrible care that My Dad received to the ombudsman, which was harrowing to do, but weirdly gave some peace.
Day to day I think I’m coping, and DM, my brother, DH and DD have all been great, but I just feel so lost and lonely. Grief is such a bloody lonely ride isn’t it? I went to my office for a work Away day last week for the first time in months (I mainly wfh), and only one person acknowledged my loss. There were messages etc initially, but feeing the weight of expectation to carry on as normal after such a seismic, life-changing loss, doesn’t really compute. Similar with friends, they’re all kind and check in, but I feel like I’m bringing the mood down if I mention anything.

It’s a very lovely road @dibly I agree. I feel like I’m in my own head a lot most of the time. I’m having some bereavement counselling which is helping me be less so I think.
I have the same with friends, colleagues etc. some friends have surprised me and been so good at just saying the right thing or checking in when I need it. But my closest friend has really struggled and I think maybe my sadness is too much for her? But it has made me question this friendship and whether I feel the same about it.
I really hope things ease for you a bit. Sorry it’s such a hard journey, I’m glad you found some peace in dealing with the complaint that’s feels big and a brave thing to take on at this time. ♥️

@dmangoi know what you mean about being in your head - I just don’t have space for anything beyond the necessary each day and especially with getting in touch with people and responding to any invites. I just can’t get my head around plans and I actually don’t want to be social just yet and I do worry that people don’t get that as they think I should be ok by now. Outwardly and work I probably seem ok but it’s on my mind all the time and I come home exhausted every day. Sending love to everyone this is such a difficult time x

@elmleemum

It's so hard, like you I think I seem outwardly ok but I'm always thinking about my mum, that I've lost her, how much I miss her..I'm exhausted too. It's just so difficult, sending you love ❤

Thanks @dmango, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but at the same time it helps to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Agree about evaluating friendships, and the exhaustion.
But after a sob earlier (saw a clip on insta with a track from Ed Sheeran, visiting hours- do not listen unless you’re feeling brave!) I’ve booked a week off work at the end of the month and am determined to do something fun. Sending love to all 😘

Coming to join you all, my DF died yesterday after a 3.5 year battle with lung cancer, it was stage 4 terminal at diagnosis as it had spread to lymph nodes and pelvis, 6 months later it was in his brain then last week discovered it was in his spine too. He’d lost his mobility over the last couple of months, completely unable to walk and was bed bound, in and out of hospital and hospice care.
He went peacefully yesterday morning with DM by his side, while I was taking my DD to school. I’ve got 2 DC, 5 and 14 months. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to carry on.
DH is wonderful, but my poor daddy, I’m heartbroken and feel sick - no dad at 36, my best friend and hero rolled into one. I feel sick, I can’t eat, I don’t know what to do with myself.
sending love to everyone in the same boat ❤️

@Tiddlersfish I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful Dad. I hope you can get through the next days and weeks with the support of your family, it's so very hard and such a shock when it happens x

@TiddlersfishI am so sorry to hear your news. I totally get that feeling of sickness and not wanting to eat and not knowing what to do it was the most awful feeling I’ve ever had. I’m 2 months in and whilst I am still in the midst of grief and sadness the rawness of those first few days and weeks has gone and I can better manage the day to day. This kids will keep you going even though it feels hard right now to function. Look after yourself and your DM x

@KylieKangaroo @elmleemum thank you for your lovely replies. I will go back and read the rest of the threads tonight for some clarity and tips - I’m sure there’s lots of coping tips here!

So sorry @Tiddlersfish your dad sounds amazing. It’s so hard and you really have to be kind to yourself. I lost my dad at 40, so a bit older than you and I’ve just lost my mum at 55, you never think you’ve had enough time but I’m so sorry you lost your dad so soon.
just sending love really and this thread is a lovely place to share thoughts, feelings, upsets whatever you need, everyone is kind and knows how you feel. Take care and sending much love ❤️

@Tiddlersfishi found reading the thread back so helpful - it somehow comforted me knowing I wasn’t alone in this and all these feelings I was having. It was my go to when awake in the early hours and still is when I’m having a bad day x

@Tiddlersfish I am so sorry for your loss and sending you both love and strength. Keep talking about how you feel that's what's helped me. Also being outside and having time to think and process things.

Another day, there’s so much to sort out. The MCCD hasn’t been sorted yet so I’ve had to call this morning to get that chased before we can sort the death certificate. I’ve said to DM that I will sort everything but I’m regretting it a bit now as I didn’t realise quite how much admin there is. Anyway, we crack on, sooner I get it all done, the sooner I can stop for a minute

@Tiddlersfish im so sorry for your loss xx
yep the admin after is huge! But its also quite useful I think in the early weeks to have a focus and things to occupy your mind. As long as its not too much for just you to take on.
My mum died mid August and I couldn't believe how much we (I) had to do. My Dad is 80 and has a hearing aid that doesn't always work well so my brother and I dealt with everything on his behalf.
We did manage to get probate certificate this week, a mere 16 days after applying, was expecting more like 16 weeks, so just have her bank accounts to finish up and then solicitors to update my Dads will and apply for a lasting power of attorney for him. Its become obvious how much of the arranging and organising of their lives my Mum did 😢 I still think about her constantly and miss her everyday.
Anyway, thats my ramble. Hope your doing 'ok' and the admin and organising is straightforward for you, thinking of you xxx

Thanks @FunnyCrabDance - you’re right it’s amazing how much admin there is. Shocking really. Spoke to the medical examiner today and they should have it signed off on Monday. Confirmed cause of death etc.
DM has no idea with anything like this, so I’m glad I’m happy to take it over really - it would be a disaster otherwise.
Thank you all for being a safe space, there might be quite a few ramblings from me over the coming days. 💐all round

@Tiddlersfish I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been a big shock for you. There is so much to organise and think about in the coming weeks but hopefully that will distract you. Your DC will pull you through this. I know mine have helped me cope with all the emotions that come with grief. Thinking of you xx

@Tiddlersfish I just wrote you a long post but the app crashed and I lost it 🤦🏻‍♀️
I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us here…I can relate - I was 35 when my dad died a year ago. It still doesn’t feel real that he’s not here. The admin workload is ridiculous. Like you my mum isn’t very tech savvy and my brother lives away but luckily(!?) I was on maternity leave when my dad died so I was able to work on the admin while mum helped to look after my 6 month old at the time. It was the hardest time of my life by quite a stretch! My advice would be to take one day at a time. It helped me to accept there’s only so much that can be done in a day, it’s not going to be sorted overnight and that’s ok. I made a list in order of priority and ticked one thing off at a time. Over a year later we’re through the most important things but there’s still stuff that comes out the woodwork here and there. I don’t know what the answer is but there needs to be more support for people who are bereaved. Sending lots of love and we’re all here if you need a rant ❤️

I am so happy I have found this thread. I lost my father last month. It was very very quick at the end - we did not expect it ( he was 86 but a pretty switched on and active chap ) . My mother lives a nearly five hour trip from me and I have been with her for the last four weeks. I have come home and thought I might feel better ( I was trying to keep things in to support Mum - and she can't realistically sort out money / probate / bank a/c s etc - Dad did everything.) But having got home I think it's hit me and I feel drained. Anyway lots more to sort out so I have a focus but I'd like to give my best wishes to everyone on this thread.

It's just rubbish isn't it?

I agree with all the admin. Even employing a company that is supposed to help, it has been massively stressful and has taken all summer ( mum died in April) . I've realised just recently that I think I'm a bit depressed and the stress of the admin has caused this more than the actual bereavement I think.

@BasiliskStare sorry about your Dad xx You're absolutely right, is just rubbish 😢
You must be so exhausted from being strong for your Mum for so long. Does she have support nearer to her, now your back home? And do you?

I dont really know how older people (especially technophobic ones like my Dad! ) cope with all the practical issues that a loved ones death brings if they dont have close family or friends to help. Maybe theres additional support available when thats the case? I hope so.

Thinking of you and hoping you feel rested and recharged soon xx

@BasiliskStare hi lovely, sorry you are having to join us here, I’m less than a week in and it’s all just so overwhelming.
Hope your mum has support and you do too. I’m lucky in that my mum is only 10mins away and she’s only 67 but there’s no way she’d be able to do any of the admin, she would either get it wrong or be asking me all the time so it was just easier for me to deal with it. I feel like I’m doing something for my dad then too, which gives me some comfort.
💐for you

Sorry for you loss @BasiliskStare. I know what you mean about the admin, I feel completely drained from it all. So much to do. Also trying to clear my dad's, place out and have ended up bringing loads home as can't bare to throw it away yet. I feel totally overwhelmed and still have the funeral to sort out and tweak.