For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Hi All,
This is a nice read and listen. There were bits that I found comforting and some ideas of things that I might do to honour my mum on this first Christmas without her.

share.google/Rte6rvXUUxInWjHJd

My mum died in March 2024 and I feel even more sad now than I did when she passed away. She was 89 when she died, so she'd had a good innings and my siblings and I were lucky to have her in our lives for so long.

My mum loved Christmas, it really was a time for trimming up the house and for feasting. I went for afternoon tea at a garden centre with my DSis yesterday. There were so many beautiful lights and Christmas decorations, I just walked round thinking how much mum would have loved it and what she would have been buying - for herself, for us, for my nephews and nieces. It's made me not want to go anywhere where there is anything to do with Christmas. Even a walk round the supermarket. In the last couple of years of her life, a trip to the supermarket was all the walking my mum could really manage. I've left Asda in tears more than once just remembering how it was, spotting stuff and thinking "mum would have spent half an hour just choosing which of those cakes to buy". I used to get a bit exasperated - I'm a pick one off the top of the pile sort of person but my mum would examine each one carefully. I'd do anything now to spend another half an hour looking at cakes with her.

Both my mum and I have always done lots of crafts - knitting, embroidery, sewing etc. Every time I saw her she would ask me what I was working on and showing me things she was making.. It sounds silly but I really miss that - now I feel like I do things in a vacuum. Who'd think one of the things I'd miss would be my mum asking me "have you done any sewing this week?" or "are you making anything for Christmas"?

Anyway, I've rambled on a lot longer than I intended. When my Grandma died I never talked to my mum about how she felt. Did she feel like I do now? Why is life so sad?

@HeathandHome All your feelings are valid. It’s going to be hard time for so many of us and my thoughts are with you. I hope you have lots of your mums crafts snd that they bring you comfort. I find myself thinking about past Christmas’ and it’s hard. Just do your best and have the conversation with your mum if it comforts you xx

just joining this thread. My dear dad’s funeral was yesterday. He passed at age 83 after a very short time with cancer 3 weeks.
its been so hard because he had a difficult partner and my sibling and I wasn’t allowed round there for the last year because she’d threatened to leave him if we went round. He was blaming us at the start and just cut us off and I’d reconciled myself the last few months to the fact I couldn’t see him or even call.
it was like bereavement in a way because I’d lost him already.
We were with him all the time he was in hospital as for most of it she was away and we were there for him. It was lovely to have dad back although he was so ill and we were there when he passed.
A lot to process aswell as him being gone. I’m so sad today.

Hi @Greekcatmug
That sounds so difficult, the troubles before and then losing your Dad so quickly. There will be so much to process and it’s no wonder you feel sad. You’ll probably feel many emotions along the way. At 8 months into losing my mum the overwhelming feeling is still deep sadness. Try and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend and accept that you feel whatever you feel.
Sending you lots of love and you’re in my thoughts x

@dmango thankyou for listening and sending the love right back. X. It’s a horrible feeling. I have been looking into spiritual stuff the last few weeks and that has helped a bit. X

I cried in home bargains last week when I heard a Christmas song. I’m just not ready for the year to be down and the next one start without my mum in it. She died in July. The seasons changing without her is just horrible.

@MellowPinkDeer my Mum died in July too. Sending UnMumsnetty hugs to
you (and to everyone). Sobbed into
the wrapping paper today ….

@Greekcatmug That sounds so difficult for you. Losing a loved one is bad enough without having to have gone through all that you had to beforehand.

Checking in with everyone and sending love. It was 5 months yesterday since we lost my Dad, and this weekend has been tough. Compounded by recent job insecurity so it feels that even the thing I’d could immerse myself in to forget for a while is now super stressful, so I’m really struggling.
Christmas is looming and I’m just not feeling it, we’d tried to book a restaurant to go out this year, but everywhere dog friendly was fullly booked. So it’s my little family, my Mum and her cousins, all at my parents’ house. I know my Mum is pleased that we’ll have more people there to lift the day, but I’m dreading it. The forced jollyness of occasions feels like one effort too much doesn’t it?

Hello.

Ive posted in this area before but not on this thread.

My dad died just under 2 weeks ago. It was sudden but not unexpected. He’d been ill for a while but it was such a fast decline at the end and I think still in shock.

I just feel so lost. He was one of my favourite people and I can’t bear that I won’t see him again

Not sure what I want to get out of posting - maybe not feeling so alone?!

Im sorry if this is you too. It’s really horrible…

Hi @madameimadam I’m so sorry you’ve lost your lovely dad. It’s so hard and the first bit of time after losing your loved one is just awful.
I lost my lovely mum in March and I still have that lost feeling, what am I going to do without her? although I’m trying my best to navigate a way through and some days I do better than others.
I think early days are just about getting through as best you can and doing whatever feels right for you.
Sending lots of love and this thread is very supportive of you need a chat or want to share, check in about anything. Look after yourself x

Hi @dibly yes that’s super hard as I know my job has been a good distraction when I’ve needed that. I hope all turns out ok.

I think this horrid journey is very turbulent though. For me it’s been very up and down but I think from my bereavement counselling I’ve being trying to not put any pressure on and feel what I feel. If it’s a bad day, that’s what it is and I’m trying not to keep attempting to ‘bury’ the sad days too much. It’s just horrible.

Christmas isn’t helping at all I agree. We’re managing to change things a bit as I don’t think I could face the normal setup. So we’ll make sure to enjoy time with our little grandson and then do things differently.
I hope you find some peace and comfort in whatever you do.
sending love x

I lost my lovely mum in 2022. Lung cancer aged 61. She was my best friend and I have never recovered. Honestly, a light went out when she left the world and it’s never come back. I think this is largely down to lack of support. I have no family and I’m married to an emotionally unavailable man. I have realised I only carry on for my children. I am very lost and see no positives in life other than my children but even then I feel guilt because I’m short with them. Life is hard and I don’t enjoy life at all anymore.

Thank you for this thread.

I lost my beloved dad between 3 and 4 weeks ago 😔
This is the first time I've posted on Mumsnet since. I've been in such shock and denial. The funeral is such a blurry memory already, in spite of me speaking at it, as I was on autopilot. Only way I could get through it.

Suddenly, yesterday, the grief hit me like a tidal wave. I'm sleeping at weird times, hence wide awake now.

The physical pain of the grief has taken me by surprise.

I'm such a Daddy's girl. My lovely lovely dad was/is (I really struggle to refer to him in the past tense) such a gentle soul. I know I'm extremely blessed to have had such a gentle nurturing father, who wouldn't have hurt a fly; and would have moved Heaven and Earth for his children, especially his daughters - he always had such respect for women and girls. But, the pain of losing him is horrific. I feel the world has changed since the funeral - got hazier, doesn't feel real, like there are fewer pixels. Hard to explain.

I've got hours of this night to go. Worse at night. I went to sleep early evening, and not long woken up. I'll find a way to get through the next five hours or so - tea and carbs. Maybe a bath...

Sending love to others going through similar ❤️

@WoodlandLove
Im so sorry you lost your dear dad. X
My dad went around the same time and I’m sad to say that I never had the lovely relationship that you had although i knew he loved me deep down he never said it.
I read somewhere that to imagine them comforting you with a big hug. Sending you lots of love and strength xx

Much love @WoodlandLove. I’m in exactly the same situation as you and the pain is unreal. Your dad sounds as wonderful, kind and loving as mine. ❤️

Im dreading the funeral which is tomorrow although the logistics have kept me very busy. I cannot believe the amount of admin involved!!! I’m really worrried that I’m just going to sink after it’s done and I don’t need to organise anything. There’s still the house and legal stuff but that seems too painful right now as well.

Im an only child and lost my mum 3 years ago so I feel very alone and vulnerable right now.

It feels so wrong that my life has imploded while the world keeps going around me.

This seems like a very safe, supportive place tho. Thank you and love to you in the same position xx

Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this too 😔 Sending you so much love and support. Our wonderful dads were/are gifts to us, but it makes the pain of losing them agonising.

I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can for you. My sister had to take a beta blocker to get through the funeral. I was so underslept that I genuinely don't know how I got through the day, but somehow we just do. In a way I'm glad the funeral memories are a bit fuzzy, as I want to remember my dad alive and animated more than clearly remember seeing the coffin a few feet away from me etc. It was recorded, and I might watch it one day, but it's too soon. I feel like I was cosplaying at being at my dad's funeral, as it can't possibly have been real, as my dad must surely still be alive. I can't believe what has happened honestly.

I'm from an Irish/Northern Irish family, though I live in England, and culturally funerals happen much sooner there; so it was such a whirlwind organising it. I've been in denial since I got back to GB really.

I'm so sorry that you've also lost your mum, and being an only child must make this an extra lonely time for you. I hope you have some wonderful supportive friends and other family round you. But, whatever the case, I'm so pleased you have this board to post on. I only just discovered this thread, and I already feel so grateful for it.

I hope you can get some good sleep and rest (easier said than done I know) and I hope tomorrow goes as well as it possibly can, and that it gives you some peace.

The pain is just unbearable isn't it. What I'd give for another day with my dad - you probably feel similar.

You take loads of care xx

Thank you so much. I'm so sorry for your loss too. I'm sorry your relationship with your dad wasn't as wonderful. But, yes, I'm sure he loved you ❤️
That's lovely to think of them hugging us.
Sending you love and strength too xx

@Greekcatmug I've just read some of your other posts. It sounds like it was a very difficult situation all round for a while in terms of family relationships. So, probably an additional grief. I hope in time you'll be able to mostly remember the happy times before. What an utterly hard thing life and death can be. Take care, and lots of love to you xx

@madameimadam thinking of you today 💐

I hope your dad's funeral goes smoothly, and is a healing day that gives you peace, helps you reflect on treasured memories, and is cathartic.

Sending you lots of love through the ether xx

Thank you @WoodlandLove❤️ I hope you’re bearing up today?

We took Dad into church yesterday evening (Catholic service) so that bits already done. In a way, was good to get the shock of seeing the hearse done.

Slept horribly, as expected, but I am looking forward to seeing lots of people I love and who loved him today.
love to you too xx

@madameimadam I hope you're doing OK, and that yesterday went smoothly & peacefully.
I won't ask you any questions, as I know loads of questions when you're grieving can be very stressful.
But, I wish you well, and send you love xx

I’m glad I found this thread. We lost my lovely Mum ten days ago. She was 81 - she hadn’t been in brilliant health in recent years but seemed to be doing well. Unfortunately the hospital failed her by not starting treatment until nearly a day after she presented at A&E - things could’ve been completely different and that is incredibly hard to bear.

I’m also carrying a lot of guilt as I feel like if I’d got there sooner I could’ve put two and two together and pushed the doctors harder.

We are now trying to figure out what to do about Dad, who has Alzheimer’s and can’t live independently. To add an extra level of stress and complexity, unbelievably the builders we’ve been waiting for for six months to do our kitchen extension have just shown up…

No idea how I’m going to get through this to be honest. Just hope it starts getting a little easier soon.

Hope everyone else here is doing ok today.

@MiniMaxi I'm sorry for the loss of your Mum, I hope you are doing okay as can be. This thread is a great support.

I think guilt is a part of grief that gets all of us at the start but try not to punish yourself as the outcome is never your fault x