For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Thank you @Crunchymum xxx
So we had Mums funeral /celebration of her life yesterday. Bizarrely it was a nice day, which sounds weird but everything went perfectly. The weather was good, the service was really personal and special to her and seemed to go so quickly! 2 of my children were pall bearers, which they volunteered for, and she would have been so proud of them 🙂
My poor old Dad cried, which ive never seen him do before, that was probably the hardest part. She was so loved and I hope/think we did her proud ❤️
Big hugs and kind thoughts to those that find their way here xx

I am glad to hear your mum's funeral went as well as it could. It was never going to be an easy day but you sound like you had the right attitude. It was a time to honour your mum and celebrate her life.

It's still very early days and its such a non linear path so take your time with all. Feel your feelings and know there are no "rights on wrongs" when it comes to grief.

That sounds like it went so perfectly ❤️ What a lovely celebration of your mum.

Sounds like a lovely day. It is good to feel how loved your mum was by other people. I know it gave me comfort at my mum's funeral. Sending you much love.

Sorry for all those going through the funeral/memorial phase.

I'm a bit further down the line but I'm finding that my ability to process and deal with emotional issues is being hampered by what I can only describe as the third circle of probate hell. We have employed a company to help us as we knew the estate situation was complex but they are making errors, implying that they could do something by the end of the week but then not doing so.
Then the only person who can address the problems/issues is on annual leave, however, they didn't tell us they were going on annual leave so now there is another week delay.
I feel like I'm the one having to correct their figures, ask questions about "shouldn't x be included" (spoiler after weeks of my question being ignored and my insisting that I wouldn't sign something off until they actually answered my email, then yes, actually it did need to be included - but they weren't doing so originally).

It is driving me potty!

Thanks so much @Crunchymumfor carrying this on - this board has been such a comfort to me in this grief journey. I was not prepared for how hard this would hit even though I loved my DF dearly so knew I would be very sad but I’m so many other things on top and this thread has reassured me that it’s so normal and I hate that you are all in the same place but it does give us all comfort I’m sure. @FunnyCrabDanceI am so glad you had a special day for your mum. I said before that the funeral was by no means my worst day like I thought it would be and I found comfort being with everyone who loved my dad and devoting a whole day to him. It was tough for a good few days after though so look after yourself. Hope everyone else is ok. I’ve had some better days but having a bad evening just missing him terribly now 😞 and my what ifs and ‘should we have done something differently’ thoughts also resurfacing. Has anyone out there tried EMDR at all? I’ve heard it’s good therapy for moving the bad experience thoughts to the back of your mind rather than replaying them often?

Thanks @Crunchymum for the new thread. Lovely words about your mum too ❤️.

It was my DF 1st year anniversary on 22nd but also mum died 2 weeks ago so just struggling with grief for her but also remembering this time last year on what were his last few days.

I’m working and outwardly to clients probably seem ok and some times I am but in-between just feel exhausted and empty of joy. I’m dreading the winter and Christmas already. Funnily enough the changing seasons always upset me after Dad. I guess it’s the moving forward without them.

We had a big funeral for DF but mum wanted only us. To be honest not dreading it so much as there will be no pressure.

Sorry for the random post on this thread but I tend to lurk rather than post. I’ve always been good with words but somehow writing about my mum … I can’t even contemplate it. Anyway just to say @crunchymumyour words for your mum really resonated with me as that’s pretty much how I lost mine, over 4 years ago. She just collapsed and died. She was only in her 60s and I had two very young kids. What you’ve described is basically my grief, or felt like it. So just to say sorry to everyone who finds themselves on this thread, as it really is like losing yourself at times. Sending strength to all.

I just had my first birthday without my Mum and it was honestly the most miserable and strange day . My husband tried his best , as did my lovely Dad and MIL too but there’s just no spark or celebration without her here. I refused even a cake. She made incredible cakes, who’d want a crap cake after a lifetime of that? I was glad when it was bedtime and it was over.

Bless you @Worrying1985

My mum was only 65 and my youngest was just two years old (had a 5yo and 7yo too). They barely remember her. It stings a lot that they never got to make proper memories of my mum.

I am so sorry you had a similar experience with your mum.

I have no comparison but I feel the sudden and unexpected nature of it all added a whole level of trauma (not least for my dad and sibling who were there and had to perform cpr on mum until paramedics arrived). I cannot even begin to imagine how that was. I arrived after they'd stopped working on her and that was traumatic enough.

I'm glad my mum didn't suffer of course but it's such a brutal way to lose somebody.

I've made some level of peace with it over the years but I'll never get over it - that phone call, that endless taxi journey, that moment I ran into my childhood house and saw the paramedics beside her but not touching her and I knew she was gone. It's not something you ever get over is it?

I am so sorry for everyone who is going through this grief. I lost my Mum and sister (only sibling) within a year of each other and some days are still incredibly hard as the grief rolls over me. X

Came across this post after many a google search..

I am heavily pregnant (due in October) and lost my Mum 3 weeks ago. It is her funeral at the end of this week.

I feel a bit lost at this moment in time. The past few days I have had zero motivation to do anything, and the thought of having to deal with going to the funeral is exhausting. It means having to get properly dressed and leave the house and right now, anything past pyjamas or leggings and a fleece seems impossible.

I returned to work this week, although working from home. Within half an hour of logging on I was I tears after a colleague whilst on a teams call, apologised for my loss.

Does it get easier? I am trying to keep things together for everyone else - I have a house to run and other children to look after.

Perhaps I just need a bit of a hand hold right now.

If I could reach through the Internet and give you a hug I would. It's been 5 months since my lovely mum died. My world still feels upside down and I still feel so lost without my mum. But it is different from the early days and that initial shock. I'm so sorry you are going through this and being heavily pregnant, your emotions are probably through the roof! Just be kind to yourself, accept the bad days and don't feel guilty for the good days. And I know it's hard but try to take time for you. I know I need to do more of this but it's so hard with all the commitments and caring responsibilities which normally comes with being a mum, wife, daughter and sister! Thinking of you.

@Anonymous0964I am so sorry for your loss. I am only 4 weeks on from you but I also feel that the total shock and brain fog and bewilderment from those early few weeks has eased and whilst I still think about it most of the time and have a cry everyday - especially if someone says something to me - I feel I can manage better to get on with a bit of normal life in between now. Take each day as it comes and I’ve learnt to only do the absolute necessities each day and not worry about anything beyond that. Sending you lots of strength for these next few weeks x

Hello everyone again (I was ‘Bananas’ on the earlier thread). Dreadful day yesterday. Collected Mum’s ashes. I think I cried ALL day, so have a headache from hell now. My beautiful dog will barely leave my side, not understanding but trying to cuddle me. We still need to scatter the ashes, but my DH and I will do that privately so I don’t need to be ‘on show’ and can be a snotty mess without anyone seeing. We’re about 10 weeks in here I think. Poop, this is hard. Sending virtual hugs to everyone, especially the lady who is pregnant. Thank goodness for this thread, and huge thanks to the lady who started it.

@Anonymous0964 what a lot to be going through, being heavily pregnant as well as your loss, I'm so sorry xx Feeling lost, overwhelmed and struggling to hold everything together all sounds very familiar, I had awful brain fog for the first couple weeks and really was functioning on auto pilot. Take care of yourself, and i hope you have other people around to take care of you too xxx

@Crunchymum thanks for your really lovely post at the end of the old thread, I’m sorry for everyone going through this, it’s just so hard.

I lost my beautiful mum 3 months ago and we have just had the first Jewish new year without her and I am just struggling so much, I just want to talk to her, tell all the mundane stuff that she used to listen to, and I can’t. I don’t know where to put these feelings.

Thanks @Crunchymum for starting the new thread. A thread which is an absolute lifeline.

I’m so sorry @Anonymous0964 going through this whilst expecting is truly heartbreaking. To be honest I spent a lot of time lying in bed in the early days, when I wasn’t at work. Just do what you need to do. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you so I just want to send you lots of love.
I’m coming up for 7 months without my mum and I just miss her every day, every hour. I really want to tell all the silly stuff and big stuff that’s happened since she’s been gone. I wish I had one more hour with her.

Sending love to all of you xx

Thank you for starting this follow on thread @Crunchymum… It’s 1 year today since my Dad passed away❤️‍🩹 lots of love to everyone x

@WomanUp24 thinking of you and your lovely Dad. Are you doing anything to mark the occasion? We have the 1 year anniversary coming up soon from my Mums passing and sure it's going to be a hard day x

@KylieKangaroo Thank you ❤️
We’re actually on our way back from Alton Towers today after a great holiday with our 18 month old which has been a nice distraction. Dad wouldn’t have wanted us to make a fuss but I’ve got a nice weekend of self care planned - brunch with friends tomorrow then a solo spa day on Sunday ☺️
Are you planning anything to celebrate your mum? X

That sounds perfect and a nice way to spend a hard weekend. I'll be remembering my Mum in some way hopefully with a drink 🥰

Coming to join as my mum died just over 2 weeks ago - currently deep in death admin but returned to work this week though my head really isn’t in the game. Feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in the house - giving cats to cats protection to regime was hard

. Funeral in a week today and should be low key with a woodland burial

@lokijet sorry to hear about your Mum, hope you're holding up ok. I've not heard of a woodland burial but I hope it goes ok for you 💚

Sending love to everyone. I wish I could advise you all but the truth is I have no answers. 6 months since Dad died this week. I’m thinking of you all as we try to navigate the loss of our lovely parents xx