For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

So sorry you are going through this. Its so sad.

I haven't been on this thread for a while. So sorry for those who have recently lost someone.

It would have been my dad's 80th birthday today. We're all going out to a restaurant but it feels so strange. It's what we probably would have done anyway and I would have been really looking forward to it, but now... I suppose it will be nice for us all to get together. My DD has made a cake, as she was going to all along, but we won't sing. Not sure what we do to be honest!

Had a bit of a wobble yesterday, missed my mum so badly . Wanted to see her and drove halfway to her house and realised it was pointless and turned around. It’s been over six months now and I have changed as a person, worried I am isolating my family as just want to be alone with my thoughts . Spare time is hard as I have time to think about her not being here 😢

@Marvellousmeadows I'm so sorry - that's really hard. You are probably coping much better than you think. Have you thought about bereavement counselling? It's not for everyone but can be helpful. Grief is such a taboo subject and others may be wrongly thinking that you should be getting used to life without your Mum. It's the small reminders everywhere.Thinking of you xx

Putting this here too in hope someone will see it & help. I’m having a real wave of yearning for my dm who died a few weeks back. I can’t shake it. I’m trying to sit in it & feel it but it’s not enough..yet I don’t feel like crying!?! I can’t cry.. (I have cried a lot in the early days) anyone else experience this? Any tips for soothing the ache? It is gnawing away at me. Do i need to make myself cry like you’d purge yourself of you ate something bad??!! Thank you xxx

I’m so sorry @morningtrain. Grief is a funny thing. It comes at you from nowhere. I had a sudden hit of missing my dad today, and it’s been almost 4 years, l haven’t felt like that for a while, it had calmed down.
You have to just try to ride it out. I wonder if reading something about your mum would help? The eulogy? Cards from her friends? Sometimes smelling an item of their clothing or perfume could make me cry. Or is there someone you could just get a huge cuddle from?
sorry, this is probably no help.x

One thing could help - buy a notebook today. Pop down things she said that made you laugh or cheered you up, and her good advice that stayed with you.

It might give you a pang or two but now you’ll have a permanent physical record of her love for you.

I'm really struggling this weekend. I feel like I'm extremely anxious and emotional all the time. I just miss my mum so much. And because I'm so emotional, I know if she was here she would help me feel better, so it makes it even worse that she's not here and then that makes it even harder.

Has anyone had help/support from their GP? If your did and don't mind sharing, What did they do and did it help? I'm really reluctant to go and see them as I don't think they'll offer much in the way of support but I just feel so lonely.

@BoyMumOfOne82i’m with you. The yearning is like an itch you can’t reach. Tell us about your mum…

Mine is 7 weeks gone & I can’t believe I just have to sit with this feeling bubbling under forever more.
Maybe the intensity / frequency of it will pass.. but in the meantime, know you’re not alone.

My mum died a month ago. I have been so frantic with work and DCs (both secondary school age but young) and I'm executor so lots of paperwork.
Things were a bit strained with me and my mum and in fact I think I'm in the situation of realising I'm never going to get an apology or any resolution to things she put me and my DCs through.
I feel so sorry for those who have lost a beloved parent but I am also sure that the sheer empty space will hit me at some point.
Part of it though is me having to be the grown-up. When my mum was in hospital I was just leaving from seeing her and my godmother arrived to see her and I broke down crying as she arrived. I think I was waiting for someone else to be a more adultier adult.

Really sorry to hear you’re struggling - it’s relentless isn’t it. I managed to make it to just before 10 months and I’ve been signed off work and put on propranolol for the anxiety. I think I’m also going to contact work’s healthcare as I get therapy through it; I’ve not felt like it would do any good prior to this point as it’s not going to bring dad back, but I think I might need to try it. I’ll let you know if it’s of any use.

There will always be someone on this thread here to chat if you need it, thinking of you x

I try and remember I am part of my mum’s and dad DNA . I was lucky they were both elderly and had good lives. They lived in Australia for seven years, worked hard and enjoyed life. Losing dad was hard but mum has been another level, she was 87 but so very young in her mind and attitude. She adored me and me her, as she died she squeezed my hand so , so tightly and still looked beautiful when she had gone . I am hoping the sadness will decrease and I can remember her with the love I had for her .

My mum died 3 years ago today. I just wanted to say it somewhere, just spent an hour on the phone with my only sibling who didn’t mention it at all (although did want to share it was almost the anniversary of their cats death which they have saved in their phone. I doubt anyone but me remembered …

@onlyhereforthechaletschool I'm so sorry to read this and really feel for you as I have experienced similar. Only if you'd like to, please share any memories of your mum and you can share her here with us x

i lost my wonderful dad just over two weeks ago on the most awful day. I cannot believe the ache and how much I miss him. It was a sudden and totally unexpected end and we are all heartbroken and devastated.

my poor Mum is broken.

I am so sorry, it is just the most dreadful time. We had my fathers funeral last friday and although I coped with the funeral and managed to deliver a tribute I am struggling now. It is so sad seeing my mother without dad. They did everything together. My granddaugthers birthday was yesterday and the card was signed 'love from Grandma', I cant imagine how she felt signing that without adding 'and Grandpa'. Thinking of you and your mother, its a tough time but we have no choice but to keep going x

Thank you so much for responding - kind of feels validated that somehow the date was marked. It was a tough year, lost dad then mum 9 months later. I try not to dwell on the sad things but sometimes it’s hard not to. I’m sorry to hear you’ve experienced similar, it’s tough, much love xx

Your sibling didn’t acknowledge it? That’s sad. I hope you are feeling a little lighter today x

I am thank you … no they didn’t. In fairness, they lost their spouse in the same year as dad, and that has become all encompassing to them. It’s totally understandable that’s how they feel, and they have every right to deal with it in their own way, it’s just quite a lonely experience for me.

I’m so sorry @astrakan i remember that feeling. It’s a horrible thing to deal with.

Big hugs to everyone just joining this sad page.

@onlyhereforthechaletschool it sounds like they have a lot going on. As you say, that’s probably why. But some of us don’t like the thought of remembering a sad day. I couldn’t tell you the date my beloved dad or my best friend died. I just wanted to remember the good times. (No criticism of those who do remember the date).

@Username3333333 - thank you - we had the service last week and I also delivered a tribute which was so difficult but the least I could do for my wonderful dad.

agree it is hard seeing my Mum without him - they were together for almost 60 years

@astrakanim so sorry - I lost my dad suddenly last year and it’s just the worst time that immediate aftermath. I’m still very much in grief now but it’s calmer and less frequent but my big sadness is for my mum - I hate for her being on her own now and without him they we’re together 55 years it must be so tough. She’s doing ok but she’s always on my mind and am Trying to look after her and do things with her as much as possible but just feels like life is so different now - sending hugs

I’m back on the thread after a long hiatus although I’ve kept up with the last pages of messages. Sorry for those who’ve joined the thread - it’s a sad club to join.

I lost my dad in March 2025, and we recently interred the ashes. It remains sad, and I’m awake quite early as I dreamed about him. I get intrusive thoughts quite often anyway, but seeing him in the hospital plays on my mind. I think of him and miss him several times a day. I have the same experience of feeling a bit isolated from my family - my children are too small and my husband and I both accept he’s not the person for complex emotional support but I somehow resent that, and feel alone. It’s tricky. The extreme experience of the grief has settled down, at least.

I'm trying to write the eulogy for my mum's funeral. I did not end up on a good footing with her in the last couple of years of her life - partly around the way she was with me but also my DCs. I have a lot of good memories but struggling with how to finish it.

@dandelionfluffy that sounds really tough, I think people will understand that a eulogy is not the easiest thing to write at the best of times, just speak from the heart, hope it goes well.

I am sorry to read of everyone who is struggling and in this club..I'm almost 2 years on from my Mum's death and am ok for the most part but on the odd day am floored with grief and takes me by surprise. Sending love to all x