For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Sorry to those who had had anniversaries recently: I’m now 7 months on and it’s harder than ever in some ways and I’m dreading the summer when it happened as I suspect all the this time last years are so fresh. I don’t know if it’s best to go away or be home over that time. I’m finding it hard to find much joy in things at the moment - I’m not in that separate sadness like I was at the start kids have this constant gloom about me at the moment 😞 life is so different now. Sending love to all

@elmleemum I had both parents anniversaries last month and what would have been Dad’s birthday. The build up and the days themselves were awful. I’d recommend an annual leave day from work
if possible. I lit a candle and quietly reflected but didn’t do anything else and then wished I had. In my case there’s no one to get together with but doing something, however small is important.

Two months on Friday since I lost my lovely mum, life has changed drastically. I have a yearning to see her and going to her little cottage all empty and cold makes it worse . I do get some comfort going to her grave, she’s next to my dad in the most beautiful meadow . I am struggling with the change and I have slept so much since I lost her. Next step is selling her home , I am absolutely dreading this as I can’t stand the thought of moving all the things she loved 😢

I lost my dad 24 hours ago. Can’t believe I’m actually writing this.

It was very sudden (although at same time not really). He has been very ill with bipolar in the last 10 years, and then developed vascular dementia in the last 4 years. They suspect he had a mini stroke likely when he was manic.

He had recently moved into a care home as we struggled to look after him. Had done well there as he was engaging more. Then suddenly last week developed several different infections at once. He fought so hard but sadly the infections won.

this is just so surreal.

Sorry to read this. A sudden death is so shocking. A huge jolt. My DF went out to walk his dog last month and never came home.
You can't prepare for it. You often have things you wanted to say and now can't.

The surreal feeling is odd. Feels like a dream, and it is all happening on some other plane. Typing out the words you have about losing your dad... is not something you would have been expecting to type. It is so surreal. It gets more real as time goes one... I am only just over a month in, and I guess it does get "better", as in you accept it more. I am new to this too, so am probably rambling.
But you are not alone.

@Marvellousmeadows So sorry - I lost my Mum in January. It's so difficult thinking oh I must tell Mum that and realising you can't. My Mum was very involved in the church and would have been so busy this week. It's daft things too - she would give me £10 in a card for Easter eggs for DH and I. I am in the process of clearing out Mum's house and she kept everything. I am trying to thoughtfully clear out, keeping some mementos. I think she would be pleased if she knew her belongings would be used and appreciated by other people. Sending love.xx

I have found that lots of people suggest you get house clearance companies in ‘to sort everything out’. What they don’t understand is that these ‘things’ were actually my mum’s life, her treasured possessions. 8 months on now and I’ve emptied her home, but I’ve done it slowly and carefully and everything has gone to the right place - a charity she supported or maybe a friend. TBH it’s been exhausting but I think I’ve done it the ‘right way’ and mum would definitely have approved. So I’m sending hugs to those going through it - I understand completely.

Thinking of you all with anniversaries ❤️ It's been a tough month or so here. Would have been Mum's birthday and mother's day in March and it will be a year on the 16th of this month. I can't believe it's been a year.

@Captaingizmo so sorry for your loss. My mum died suddenly and it's the fact in that instant your world turns upside down. Reflecting back I think I was in shock for a good few months. Take care of yourself ❤️

I'm so sorry that there are more people who have recently joined this club. Despite being there at the end, my brain still cannot accept that she is gone. It's only been 2 months, but we've had so many significant events in that time and it breaks my heart that she's not here to see them.

I never would have thought that Easter was such a big event for me before losing mum, but there are so many memories and traditions that now feel different. Thinking of everyone who finds this weekend tricky 💔

I'm so sorry for your loss I lost my dad about five months ago now, and I remember the shock of those first few days. In a way, my everyday grief is harder now, because we were all so busy then. But, the sense of panic and shock and so on was acute for several days in the beginning. You take care x

Just found this thread. My dad died on Monday. He was diagnosed with leukaemia 7 weeks ago. We were told he'd have up to 6 months but caught an infection... It feels so unfair as he always kept himself so fit and healthy. Then I feel guilty to think like this when we live in a world where children and much younger people die. I just thought he'd live well into his 80s.

My mum is distraught. They were together for nearly 60 years. My dad was such an amazing husband, dad and grandad.

I'm sorry to others who have recently lost someone or have aniversaries.

@Captaingizmo and @OneWildNightWithJBJ I’m so sorry for your losses and that it was relatively sudden. Horrible for you guys but perhaps better for them that it didn’t drag on and make them suffer. Thinking of you both.

3.5 months down the line for me. The coroner finally finished the inquest and released a death certificate. I’ve still not applied for probate because one of her banks has being arsey, taking forever and asking for different things every time they wrote (fortnightly intervals). I will never use Aviva ever again! And my brother is making great strides with emptying the house, which needs to be done but I’m finding slightly upsetting. Again strange as mum had moved in with us six months ago and I’d sorted a lot of her things already. But this just feels so final.

Sorry to hear it’s taking so long @Gingercar, that must be really tough.

Clearing the house is a difficult time. I cleared my mother’s things, since my Dad really wasn’t up to it emotionally, it still took me ages. I still haven’t cleared all the teddy bears she loved because I don’t just want to throw them out and don’t know what to do with them. You’re right, it does feel final and I think that emotional connection is a difficult one to break.

My mum’s ashes are being buried in her parents grave in Scotland next week. It was what she always wanted. This feels to me like the final connection.

Eighteen months today since i lost my dad.

Im sorry for all your losses.......its really hard

I'm sorry for your loss too. People often stop saying that after a while; but I know for some people the grief can be as hard or worse further down the line, and 18 months is still not long in the grand scheme.
I lost my utterly wonderful dad about 5 months ago, and I feel sad a lot of the time to be honest these days. But, I'm a very private, behind-closed-doors type griever, and I don't think many people would guess how deeply I'm grieving or how sad I'm feeling (I imagine that's a fairly common phenomenon) Some days are extra griefy, and others I'm more distracted, and it's more in the background, but still very much there. I think around the 3-month mark people asked me less about how I was feeling, which in a way is a relief, as I always found that uncomfortable. But, I sometimes wish people would still give me the same grace and consideration as they did before. We all need to be so kind to eachother, as there's no time limit on grief, and in some cases it's suppressed for years, then suddenly hits. So unique for everyone.
You take care 💐

I’m exactly a year and a day behind you - 6 months today. Wasn’t expecting the 6 month mark to hit so hard but it’s knowing that tomorrow we’re closer to 1 year without him than to the last time he was here. Sending you and everyone lots of love x

So sorry for your loss. Funnily enough, I'm dreading summer too, for different reasons. We lost my dad in late autumn, so it's not an anniversary. It's more than it's more normal and acceptable to hide away in winter. Even the glorious sunny weather we've got at the moment, it's obviously beautiful, and I normally love spring, but I'm feeling pressure to be out and about, and I'd rather hide away. Also, my dad always loved gardening, and loved spring and early summer from a gardening perspective, so there's something about his absence in spring & summer that's extra challenging somehow.
I know a lot of grieving people struggle much more in winter, but I guess that shows again how differently we all grieve.

I can't imagine not grieving for my dad. I don't know if/how people get to a point of not feeling sad about their losses? Maybe they don't? Maybe we're all grieving to different degrees till it's our turn to leave this world? I believe in the afterlife, and I'm sure my dad's happy and at peace now. But, I miss him, and the thought of not seeing him for several more decades overwhelms me.

Anyway, sending you love x

@WoodlandLove- your posts really resonate with me - I could have written them! I also am a behind doors griever and I still cry most days/weeks but no one would know that they all think I’m doing well - it’s always there just some days it’s more at the surface. Like you I worry that this is how my life is (and I also now doubly worry about my mum and when she goes and it being doubly worse). I know what you mean about spring - I’ve been so keen for it to come as my mum can also get out in the garden more but it’s something they used to do together and brings about more new memories of him so feels sadder in a way than having the excuse to hide away! Sending love x

Aww, thank you @elmleemum . I'm so grateful for this thread. I can say things here that I couldn't say out loud in real life.
You take care ❤️

Thanks for the advice you all gave me. I collected the death cert (3 copies) went to the bank and froze the account. Just need to fill in a closure authority form, but it doesn't say where to send it? Have also contacted gas, electric, water, and BT and completed the tell us once for benefits and council tax.

Unfortunately dad wasn't on my Birth Certificate (he and my mum argued the day they went to register me- mum blames dad but I think it's mums fault?!) so I have to complete a declaration of parentage and do a DNA test with my aunt. No one is contesting that I'm his daughter, I just have to prove it!!

Dads funeral is on the 28th and I've met with the funeral director. Feeling a little more settled about things now x

Sorry to see so many people here but it's a great place to get things off your chest and receive support from others that get it.

So tomorrow is the year anniversary of my dad passing away and it feels like it happened yesterday. That man taught me everything, except how to cope with him not being here. I'll be spending the day with my mum, sister and nieces and I'm sure amongst the tears there will be many fond memories shared and maybe some laughter.

This grief journey has been so difficult but I have the support of a great partner, wonderful friends and a family that is always there for one another so in that regard I feel incredibly blessed.

1 year gone, a lifetime to go 💔

@Howmanycatsaretoomanycats that sounds a lovely way to spend the day. I hope you have a peaceful day tomorrow. It will be 1 year since my mum passed away a week tomorrow and I'm still not sure what to do. My Dad is meant to be going on one of his ramblers walks next Thursday. I think he was kind of asking my permission to go. I've said that he should go, I think it will help him get through the day. I think I will go with DH to the crematorium and put some flowers where my mum's ashes are buried. And then I'm not so sure but we will do something after. I know what you mean by feeling like it was only yesterday but at the same time another lifetime ago. It's weird. I guess grief changes you in ways you can't predict. I still struggle and I miss her so much! But my DH and kids get me through. They help more than they realise.

I found out yesterday that my Dad died on Good Friday.
I have not seen him for about 35 years (I am 53) and spoke to him only once in that time. Nothing happened, he just didn't keep in contact. He and my Mum divorced when I was 8.

I don't know how to feel. I was so upset when I heard, it feels surreal.
I've not even told my husband yet.

I spoke to my mum and told her and she's taken over telling everyone. It feels like the grown up (Mum, his ex wife) has taken over thankfully.

Not even sure why I am writing this to be honest.

Oh @Eventmrs that’s really tough. The death of a parent is disorientating at best. It’s profound. Layered on top of that is all the other human stuff, sadness about what was and what could have been, regret, forgiveness. It’s all a tangled mess at the moment. You will recalibrate and work it all through. Give yourself some grace. You don’t need to work it all out right now - or ever. Xx