For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Yesterday we buried my mum’s ashes in her parents grave back where she grew up in Scotland. She’s home again. It’s what mum always wanted, but I found it really tough leaving the cemetery, knowing I was leaving her there and coming back to England.

It feels so final. The grave will be well looked after. Mum’s best friend from childhood still lives there, her own husband is buried in the same cemetery and she’ll look after mum’s grave when she visits her husband’s. This is still so hard.

I hope you can feel a sense of peace in the coming days @Pushkinia .
We're all so different in the way we grieve, and the things that give us meaning. Funnily enough, I don't really connect my dad with his grave. I think I just see that as his earthly clothing. But, the real him, his soul, his energy, his animas, is live & well and free as a bird. I talk to him and the memory of him, loads, but oddly I don't think I would next time I visit the grave. I've only visited the grave once since the funeral, the day after the funeral, and did sort of talk to him there then, as it was such a new reality I'd nowhere near yet adjusted to.
Like you, I'm in a different country. My dad's buried in Ireland, and I live in England.
I definitely plan to visit it (the grave) and lay flowers next time I'm in Ireland, but I see it as a kind of memorial to him, rather than actually him, if that makes sense. I feel his presence more when I look at his old armchair, or in his garden etc.
But, I think if your mum's ashes are especially meaningful for you, then being far away must be really hard. I reckon those thoughts might lessen soon. But, in the meantime, hopefully the fact the grave will be well looked after is a comfort.
You take care, and be very kind to yourself. Lots of love x

@WoodlandLove Thank you for your very thoughtful post. I hope you keep all your lovely memories of your father and yes, I understand what you mean about feeling his presence more in places and possessions you associate with him.

It still feels raw but I’m trying to take comfort in knowing mum is home again.

Unfortunately I'm joining the club that nobody wants to be part of.

My gorgeous Mam died yesterday morning, age 68. She had endometrial cancer last year but despite surgery and chemo, it spread to spine and brain. She was admitted to the hospital 4 weeks ago for scans (and was cognitively fine at that point) but 4 days after that, she had declined so much that she was unable to use her phone or hold a conversation. It was just a steady decline after that and there was no going back.

I'm utterly lost. My dad is heartbroken. We were all so close - she was the matriarch of the family, the planet that we all orbited. We miss her so so much.

No idea at this point how I'm going to get through the funeral, and the next days and months.

So painful and just so sad.

@MaraScottie - I’m so so sorry. Now I know how painful it is to lose a parent my heart breaks for anyone in this position. It feels world ending right now so don’t think too far ahead just get through each day as it comes and look after yourself and your family - sending lots of strength x

Sorry for your loss @MaraScottie. Just take it a day at a time and see how you feel.

Sorry for your loss @MaraScottie. Be kind to yourself over the coming days/weeks. It's a horrible club to be in, but sometimes talking to others helps you process your own thoughts and feelings.

@MaraScottie so sorry to hear this it’s been ten weeks since I lost my beautiful mum. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions , a lot of tears but some smiles as well . Like I have read I don’t think I will get over her not being here but hopefully will learn to live with it . They say grief is the price of love I totally understand that .

@MaraScottie I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. As others have said just try and take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. You will get through the difficult times ahead, it's not easy but somehow you will find the strength you need. Take care ❤️

So sorry for your loss @MaraScottie

Hi everyone, I’m sorry to be joining this group and to everyone in it.
My Mum died in November of oesophagus cancer aged 69. She was ironically extremely fit and healthy my whole life, didn’t smoke, drank very little and really looked after herself so it was a massive shock when she was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer. None of it made sense but then I guess what cancer does?!
Her end was very sad, she wasn’t able to eat for the last 10 months of her life so was tube fed and she also eventually lost her voice. She was in a lot of pain and watching her deteriorate was the hardest thing I’ve ever witnessed. I was there at the very end and also found that an extremely painful thing to watch. So I feel I have a lot of trauma and now no Mum. She was my best friend and I saw her everyday. She helped me so much with my children and loved them so hard.
And now I feel like the world has just gone back to ‘normal’ and I’m expected to just carry on. Which I do everyday. I think people think I’m coping very well but I’m not. I’m masking it all and I’m angry with everyone who thinks I’m fine.
I wondered if anyone else had these same feelings of anger?
Sorry for my long message and thanks for reading.

Sending strength to everyone with recent losses, and still struggling with older losses. Mum died in November, I found the first two months truly awful but things turned a corner first after Christmas (which I was dreading) and then after the funeral which we had quite a while after she died.

I am feeling ok most days, keep remembering little things with happiness, and went to one of her favourite places on my birthday which felt poignant. I’ve been incredibly busy with various things the past few months which has provided a welcome distraction but I do sometimes wonder how I’ll feel once things are a bit calmer. We are also still waiting for the coroner’s report which I suspect will open everything up again. In the meantime I’ll keep trying to carry her with me.

I still find it hard that my mum has gone , she was late 80s so had a long life but the loss is immeasurable. I saw her almost every day and now I am left looking for a job that I don’t really want as my day now has no purpose . I had given up my job to care for her the last few years . I am eager to get on with my life but everyday I have to accept she’s gone again. Still waiting for probate so I can start dispersing her things, making a list of all the charities she loved .

@helpagirl it’s been almost three months since my mum died and I am now feeling a bit silly crying infront of my husband still . He sort of understands and has been very supportive but I feel like I have withdrawn into myself .

That’s exactly how I feel and because I’ve withdrawn into myself I think people think I’m doing ok but I’m really not. I’m just finding it hard to open up about it the longer time goes on.

@helpagirl it’s a huge life changing event. I guess we just have to try to find a new normal . Hoping I can make peace with it all, mum was dying for a few weeks so I suppose there’s some trauma there too .

We exchanged contracts on my mum’s house today. It’s really affected me. It feels so final and suddenly I can’t bare the thought of someone else living in her house. We’ve already cleared most of it and I also can’t bare having her stuff here, it should be in her house with her. I thought I’d find it comforting to have some of her things but it just feels all wrong. I miss her so much

@user1460471313 - I’m sorry. I’m dreading this when it comes - still luckily have mum with us but after dad passed I know this stage is coming and o can’t bear it. I find their belongings so hard - it really upsets me to see dad’s stuff to never be used by him again. It sounds odd especially as I’ve had other bereavements before but with dad the whole finality of it has been shocking. Like there’s no going back to how life was. That’s been the difference for me with the grief of losing a parent rather than others as that whole big part of your life has changed and the places you knew and the things they had. So tough. Love to all x

It’s coming up three months now since I lost mum. I can’t even describe the pain of losing her . I thought I was managing ok, even started looking for a new job as I had cared for her the last few years . Late yesterday afternoon the grief hit me so hard that I felt physically sick , I didn’t know what to do to calm myself down and had a terrible feeling of doom. If I go to her house I feel worse , her grave is a little too far to go to everyday. I am feeling a bit better today as I dreamt I was out with her last night, looking at photos of her I find very upsetting 😢

I'm so sorry @Marvellousmeadows it's so painful I know.
Six months today for me, since losing my wonderful dad 😔
Time seems to have become so distorted. I'm a private griever, but feel very emotional most of the time. I usually wait till I'm alone before letting it all out.
I'm dreading the one year mark. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Thinking of all on here going through this ❤️

It was four weeks yesterday that I lost my dad. I haven't cried anywhere near as much as I expected. I don't think it's really sunk in. I find looking at photos the worst thing, although I also very much want to look at them.

I laid my dad to rest today. It was nice turn out. The celebrant done a lovely job, and read out a poem I wrote. I took the casket flowers and laid them on my great grandparents grave, as it seemed such a shame to waste them. My two ds's and two cousins done a fab job as bearers.

Its been 3 weeks since I lost my lovely dad. He was only 57. I had seen him the day before and the next day got a phone call to say that he had had a cardiac arrest and died. No previous illnesses. Funeral was yesterday & I am absolutely in pieces. Not sure how I have any tears left to cry and every time I wake up or remember I'll never see him again its like a gut punch. I keep trying to think if I had missed any signs, or there was anything I could have done to change it, then realise its irrelevant because it wont bring him back. This is the worst pain I have ever felt and I have no idea how it will get better. I miss him so much. I am sorry to hear about all of your losses. Life can be so cruel😢

Oh love, that must have been a massive shock. My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry. I’m nearly the same age as he was. I’ve lost a couple of friends like that in the last year or two. The only consolation is it was swift and without suffering for them, but it leaves those of us left behind absolutely reeling.
All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep pushing on. Cry when you need to. Just try to deal with what is in front and you there and then. 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss @Everglow
What a terrible shock.
You poor soul. Sending love 💐