For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Yesterday we buried my mum’s ashes in her parents grave back where she grew up in Scotland. She’s home again. It’s what mum always wanted, but I found it really tough leaving the cemetery, knowing I was leaving her there and coming back to England.

It feels so final. The grave will be well looked after. Mum’s best friend from childhood still lives there, her own husband is buried in the same cemetery and she’ll look after mum’s grave when she visits her husband’s. This is still so hard.

I hope you can feel a sense of peace in the coming days @Pushkinia .
We're all so different in the way we grieve, and the things that give us meaning. Funnily enough, I don't really connect my dad with his grave. I think I just see that as his earthly clothing. But, the real him, his soul, his energy, his animas, is live & well and free as a bird. I talk to him and the memory of him, loads, but oddly I don't think I would next time I visit the grave. I've only visited the grave once since the funeral, the day after the funeral, and did sort of talk to him there then, as it was such a new reality I'd nowhere near yet adjusted to.
Like you, I'm in a different country. My dad's buried in Ireland, and I live in England.
I definitely plan to visit it (the grave) and lay flowers next time I'm in Ireland, but I see it as a kind of memorial to him, rather than actually him, if that makes sense. I feel his presence more when I look at his old armchair, or in his garden etc.
But, I think if your mum's ashes are especially meaningful for you, then being far away must be really hard. I reckon those thoughts might lessen soon. But, in the meantime, hopefully the fact the grave will be well looked after is a comfort.
You take care, and be very kind to yourself. Lots of love x

@WoodlandLove Thank you for your very thoughtful post. I hope you keep all your lovely memories of your father and yes, I understand what you mean about feeling his presence more in places and possessions you associate with him.

It still feels raw but I’m trying to take comfort in knowing mum is home again.

Unfortunately I'm joining the club that nobody wants to be part of.

My gorgeous Mam died yesterday morning, age 68. She had endometrial cancer last year but despite surgery and chemo, it spread to spine and brain. She was admitted to the hospital 4 weeks ago for scans (and was cognitively fine at that point) but 4 days after that, she had declined so much that she was unable to use her phone or hold a conversation. It was just a steady decline after that and there was no going back.

I'm utterly lost. My dad is heartbroken. We were all so close - she was the matriarch of the family, the planet that we all orbited. We miss her so so much.

No idea at this point how I'm going to get through the funeral, and the next days and months.

So painful and just so sad.

@MaraScottie - I’m so so sorry. Now I know how painful it is to lose a parent my heart breaks for anyone in this position. It feels world ending right now so don’t think too far ahead just get through each day as it comes and look after yourself and your family - sending lots of strength x

Sorry for your loss @MaraScottie. Just take it a day at a time and see how you feel.

Sorry for your loss @MaraScottie. Be kind to yourself over the coming days/weeks. It's a horrible club to be in, but sometimes talking to others helps you process your own thoughts and feelings.

@MaraScottie so sorry to hear this it’s been ten weeks since I lost my beautiful mum. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions , a lot of tears but some smiles as well . Like I have read I don’t think I will get over her not being here but hopefully will learn to live with it . They say grief is the price of love I totally understand that .

@MaraScottie I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. As others have said just try and take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. You will get through the difficult times ahead, it's not easy but somehow you will find the strength you need. Take care ❤️

So sorry for your loss @MaraScottie

Hi everyone, I’m sorry to be joining this group and to everyone in it.
My Mum died in November of oesophagus cancer aged 69. She was ironically extremely fit and healthy my whole life, didn’t smoke, drank very little and really looked after herself so it was a massive shock when she was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer. None of it made sense but then I guess what cancer does?!
Her end was very sad, she wasn’t able to eat for the last 10 months of her life so was tube fed and she also eventually lost her voice. She was in a lot of pain and watching her deteriorate was the hardest thing I’ve ever witnessed. I was there at the very end and also found that an extremely painful thing to watch. So I feel I have a lot of trauma and now no Mum. She was my best friend and I saw her everyday. She helped me so much with my children and loved them so hard.
And now I feel like the world has just gone back to ‘normal’ and I’m expected to just carry on. Which I do everyday. I think people think I’m coping very well but I’m not. I’m masking it all and I’m angry with everyone who thinks I’m fine.
I wondered if anyone else had these same feelings of anger?
Sorry for my long message and thanks for reading.

Sending strength to everyone with recent losses, and still struggling with older losses. Mum died in November, I found the first two months truly awful but things turned a corner first after Christmas (which I was dreading) and then after the funeral which we had quite a while after she died.

I am feeling ok most days, keep remembering little things with happiness, and went to one of her favourite places on my birthday which felt poignant. I’ve been incredibly busy with various things the past few months which has provided a welcome distraction but I do sometimes wonder how I’ll feel once things are a bit calmer. We are also still waiting for the coroner’s report which I suspect will open everything up again. In the meantime I’ll keep trying to carry her with me.