How old were you when your Mum died?

[mistymirror]

Sorry to be so morbid. I am just interested to know how old people were when their Mum died and how they handled the situation?

Bless you. I’ve never shed a tear since she died. She was a shell for such a long time. Towards the end (but before she became non verbal) she said to me ‘when my mum and dad come to take me to their house is it ok if I go with them?’ and I said ‘the moment you see them you must go with them, that’s definitely what you must do’. I like to think her parents came and collected her and took her home xx

I was 35 - she was mid 60s and dying a couple of months after a cancer diagnosis. It hit hard but family and friends helped get me through. A couple of years on and my dad has met someone, so am now grieving again. It's a strange feeling and I miss her everyday

Just turned 40. It was totally unexpected and I was in shock for a good few months before I managed to grieve.

I still have moments when I think I must tell mum, or mum would like that and then crash down.

That is indeed a blessing- especially with them in good health. I find it strange that I’ll never know what it’s like to have elderly parents (although I do have in-laws who are about to turn 80 and are becoming a little more frail). I gather that having elderly parents brings its own worries and trials, but I hope you are able to enjoy many more happy moments with yours.

I was 31, my mum was 68. It scares me to think that she was only two years older than I am now.

Looking at this thread many people do seem to have lost their mums young or relatively young.

I guess it is not so unusual but just was not what I expected because both my grandmas went to my wedding and lived long enough to hold my DC as babies so I thought I would have that with my own mum and was so sad for her and for us that she never got to have those experiences. She was such a great grandma and I would have loved my kids to have her in their lives still as I was so close to my own grandparents.

When she first had breast cancer in her early 50s I had only just got married and no kids yet. It was a shock but she was 'cured' and I thought she would have a normal life expectancy but then sadly it came back 10 years later having spread to her lungs and bones. She told me that after the first cancer she always knew it would kill her and looking back I think she really did put her all into making sure we had great family experiences as she knew she wouldn't be around for ever.

My mum died aged 62, I was 22, I came home from work and found her dead. She'd died of undiagnosed pneumonia. My father had already died when I was in primary school.

At the time, I would have said I just got on with it going to work and seeing friends. Now I know I was incredibly traumatised and I just buried it. I fell in and out of relationships (bad ones) and jobs. I met my husband 8 years later and I think he saved me from what could have been a dodgy life. Now I'm in my 60s and her presence has re-entered my consciousness, I feel sad for her early death and guilty for how careless I was to her sometimes, It's been an OK marriage but there have been times when I've thought that, had she not died, I might have found someone more empathetic and truly loving.

Losing parents at any age is tough. I've noticed how people struggle when their mothers die even if they are 60 and the mother 90. Similar for fathers. love them while you can.

I'm so sorry about what happened to you. It does sound shit. hugs. xx

I was 51 and mum was 94 and very mentally unwell.

It was time for her to go, but I'm still sad at the way her life ended as up to the age of 89 she had been full of life and very independent.

My Mum died about 7 months ago. I'm 61 and she was 92. Having very elderly parents brings its own challenges - although of course I would prefer that to losing my Mum very young. Hugs all round.

To add, I was not especially close to my mother and I found her a bit of a burden all my life, tbh, not just in her later years. But I knew she loved me. I haven't exactly grieved for her, but there's been a sadness about me all year which I cannot seem to shake off. It must be related to her passing.

I was 18. Lost mum through cancer then dad just over 3 weeks later with a heart attack but was really a broken heart. Couldn’t face life without her. It’s actually his anniversary today. Gone 36 years but still think about them every day. My biggest regret is they didn’t get to meet my 3 girls. They were amazing parents and grandparents and my 3 have missed out on that😢

I was 32 when mam died aged 56, it took me a good while to get over it, she had cancer and it was hard watching her deteriorate. I was 44 when dad died aged 72, I grieved for my dad as I nursed him so when he died it was a relief that he was no longer suffering. I still think of them both everyday.

I was 26 and she was 58 (cancer).

I was very angry with the world for a long time. Then I had my DC and was more sad at everything we all missed out on by her being taken too soon.

I was 31. It made a huge impact on me. Age 12 I would obsess about her dying and how bad it would feel; so maybe I'd blocked the idea out after that. She was never ill so when she'd had a stroke, she was obviously deteriorating and I was in denial. Then she passed quickly and I couldn't take it in. I had so many dark thoughts, even imagining that my BIL had murdered her! I didn't request bereavement counselling, which I should've.

I wasn't close to my mom although we had regular contact & visits. She did a lot of emotional games & was emotionally needy. It was a huge relief when she died tbh, I didn't have to deal with all that any more.

She did lots of wrong lifestyle behaviours so not a shock when she died either (suddenly, heart attack). I was very confused about other people being shocked at her sudden demise.

I was 35 when she died. I'm sad for her, but all of it was out of my control. I didn't grieve.

8 years old. She died of a hideous cancer

Don't feel bad. I think it's a quite common phenomenon. Perhaps she waited until you weren't there as thought it would be kinder to you x

56. Mum was 80 and had dementia. Didn't want her to go though and it was a shock - we were all due to go away a few days later and she had a fit to fly certificate.

Still miss her every day.

I'm so sorry for your losses.
Broken heart is a real thing...called
Takotsubo syndrome

I have seen it twice. Once when a patient was admitted when i was a first year junior doctor. His wife died that day and he was admitted that night with a "heart attack" he was the most lovely man and I was so sad he couldn't go to his wife's funeral.

The second time was as a GP the patient had been burgled and she had a "heart attack" the hospital confirmed it was actually this syndrome

I remember feeling real pain when my husband died. It was awful

You were so young. I have actually found the loss of mum, aged 86 harder than my husband who died aged 50.

I don't think so. I'm just asking about Mum's because my Mum has cancer, luckily my Dad doesn't. I'm scared and terrified of how my life will be without her.

I am so sorry to read some of these really sad stories of how young people lost their Mum and how difficult losing their Mum has been for them. I imagine it to be life changing but I do hope that I will be able to carry on enjoying my life eventually because I know that's what she would want.

How awful for you and such a shock. I am so sorry and hope you manage to heal. I am sure she would want that for you so much

I was 18 and in my first year of university.
i buried my head in the sand and focussed on my studies.
It came back to bite me on the bum when my Dad died when I was 45 but some grief counselling has really helped me.

I was 5. Think the worst thing was that it was back in the eighties when nobody talked about it. So once she was gone, that was it, she was never talked about. I managed to find out where her grave was when I was about 16.

Sat here crying...
My Mum has Alzheimer's and has often said similar...
My Mum is still 'here' but I've lost almost all of her..
I've read everyone's posts and I'm sending love to everyone of you..