My lovely boy is gone

[Rainbowdrop22]

This is awful and I’m not sure how I get through the next second, never mind the next minute or year or the rest of my life.

My son was just short of 17 years old and took his own life 3 weeks ago. The pain is getting worse every day. He’d had some mental health issues but we only started to become aware of them at the beginning of February and only a week before he died were we concerned to the point of calling the school, his Dr etc.

He was clever and funny and thoughtful and lovely. I told him this all the time. He was a teenager so of course he was also patronizing, moody and thought he knew everything.

I’ll never understand it and I just want to scream. I want him back here with me. I want my boy.

Your son sounds like the most wonderful boy. Sending you so much love. xx

Right now, nothing will make any sense, OP. One minute at a time is all you can do. There is a ton of support on here for you, and as you have already discovered, there's lots out there too from other organisations. I wrote a book about my first year of loss and found that incredibly helpful. So maybe that's another way of coping - write it down, how you feel, what is going on - in a private way so you can be as honest as you need to be. But mostly, just focus on the basics of breathing, taking onboard fuel, and sleeping if you can. Take care X

Oh op, I am so so sorry. Sending you so much love x

I'm so sorry. Sending you much love and strength ❤️

Virtually putting my arms around you darling and giving you strength. You are and always will be his loving and devoted mum. He will always, always, always be your darling beautiful boy.

Xx

MNHQ kindly removed my last post at my request. I’ve been giving sleeping pills and took the usual two last night but didn’t go straight to bed as I have been doing. I literally don’t remember posting on MN last night. When I got up this morning I realized how much detail I’d shared, which I regret. I think it probably was an unpleasant post for anyone to read.

Please share whatever you need to, it helps to get it out of your head hon... We're all here for you, no matter what 🌺

I'm glad mumsnet removed it for you, not because it was too difficult to read but because you wanted them too. Thinking of you xxx

I read the message and my heart went out to you, even more. It was a very sad. It shared your experience and I’m so sorry again for what had happened. Please don’t feel like we can’t cope with what you may share. But it may have been too personal and of course if it feels better to take it down then that’s best. Either way, sending love and wishing you peace with trying to make sense of life without your lovely son going forwards.

How has today been?

I didn’t see your post, but I think you can share what you need to about your beautiful son and your terrible loss.

So sorry for your loss, sending you and your family thoughts and love xx

Oh love I'm so sorry. He sounds like a wonderful loving son and you sound like a wonderful mum. X

Dear Rainbowdrop, this is your thread and if sharing or not sharing is helping you the tiniest bit, please, please feel free to post whatever you want.

Take care.

Thinking of you, @Rainbowdrop22 . You are, and always will be, the wonderful loving mother of your beautiful boy, who continues to be with you all and is part of you all forever.

It's very normal to feel like that after a bereavement. I remember I raged at everyone who was still alive - they didn't deserve to be alive when my loved one was dead. You will feel like that for a while 💐

How are things today?

Just wanted to say I am so sorry. So heartbreaking.

OP I'm sorry for your loss. Share what you want to share. When I lost my daughter (baby so not the same and I don't pretend to know how you are feeling) Mumsnet was a huge support to me.

16, oh my dear x

I am so, so sorry for your loss OP.
It has been almost 8 years since I lost my son and I found the support on here got me through the darkest hours, days, months.
It is the most dreadful loss and the pain is terrible.
You are not alone and many of us here are thinking of you.

Just to say that I am thinking of you and holding your family in my heart. Sending you strength and love ❤️

I have been thinking of your family and your son, and sending you so much strength and love

I keep thinking about you
Sending love and hope to you and your family
X

I hope you're bearing up OP, my thoughts are with you 🌷

Darling, I don't know what you posted but maybe you needed to say it.

We need to process trauma by speaking about it.

Don't apologise.

I know it means fuck all really but I've been thinking about you and your son a lot. I do think young people often don't realise what they're doing when they make impulsive decisions. They just feel sad and want to be seen and make a dramatic gesture without understanding the finality of it.

They don't really understand that there's no coming back.

I wish I could in some way take your pain away. I know I can't.

Just know that there are women on a small corner of the Internet that are thinking of you all.

@Rainbowdrop22 I just woke up early and saw this thread. Please know that a huge group of strong women from around the country are here, ready to listen and support you whenever you need us, and with whatever you need to say.

You are not alone.

Your boy sounds smashing and I'm so,so sad that this has happened to you x