My lovely boy is gone

[Rainbowdrop22]

This is awful and I’m not sure how I get through the next second, never mind the next minute or year or the rest of my life.

My son was just short of 17 years old and took his own life 3 weeks ago. The pain is getting worse every day. He’d had some mental health issues but we only started to become aware of them at the beginning of February and only a week before he died were we concerned to the point of calling the school, his Dr etc.

He was clever and funny and thoughtful and lovely. I told him this all the time. He was a teenager so of course he was also patronizing, moody and thought he knew everything.

I’ll never understand it and I just want to scream. I want him back here with me. I want my boy.

Hi

I’m so sorry for your loss. Do you have support around you? What was your boy’s name - if you would like to share x

I am so sorry for your loss. It's unimaginable. You loved him and he loved you. Tell us more about him xxxx

So very very sorry for your loss x

❤️ I can feel your heart breaking. Sending you love as I have no words.

Oh my. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine your heartache and devastation. Condolences to all who knew and loved your beautiful boy

I'm very sorry and sad to read this.
It must've been such a shock for you.

Have you got any other children? Are you getting support from your family and friends?

I’m so sorry, I cannot imagine how you are feeling. Thinking of you and your sweet boy.

My sincere condolences

You are not alone, please reach out. Below is some resources I have referred people too and there is specific local resources too depending on where you live.

supportaftersuicide.org.uk/

I am so sorry. I can't imagine anything more painful.

Would you like to tell us more about him?

It's still very early days but would some support like counselling be something to think about?

This is so tragic and it must be the most breathtakingly devastating thing that could ever happen to someone. I’m so sorry for the pain you will be experiencing. I’m so sad to read this. I hope you have good support around you. X

I am so sorry about your son and can feel how heartbroken you are. Please get some support if you haven’t already. X

@Rainbowdrop22

oh love, I'm so very sorry ((((HUGS))))

it's beyond comprehension isn't it. FAR FAR too hard to 'accept' on any level.

Try the resources linked to.

but mainly take it one minute at a time, try not to think about any time beyond right now.

Do you have other children you need to be 'holding it together' for?

I hope you have support!

there are several posters who have been through this, hopefully they'll see your thread xx

I'm so sorry rainbowdrop. Do you have support around you? Tell us about your boy if you'd like to.

Truly heartbreaking. So sorry this has happened. I have a son who is a similar age and I cannot imagine life without him or the pain you must be feeling.
You describe the decline in his mental health to be a fairly recent thing. And it must be so painful to search back in time looking for clues. But sadly you cannot change the outcome for him now. Try to think of your lovely memories of your wonderful boy.
I understand how terribly confused and shocked you must be feeling and how much you want him back. Is there a special item of clothing , blanket or suchlike you could hold to give you some comfort?
Do you have support around you? Call someone if you need to. Thinking of you

How utterly devastating for you and your family @Rainbowdrop22 . I am so sorry that your lovely son has died.
I can't offer anything it is every parent's worse nightmare. Second by second for now.

I am truly so sorry. I wish I could say something to help. Life can be so shockingly cruel.

You and your darling boy will be in my thoughts.

Thank you, everyone. I do have support, thank god. I have a younger daughter and my husband, and family are taking turns looking after us.

My son was science-mad and had his whole further education and career planned out, down to which city he wanted to live in. He read all the time and he talked like a 50 year old. Sometimes I think I treated him as older than he was because he spoke like some old professor.

He was really thoughtful - always making me a cup of tea when I was vegging out after work, he was witty and sharp and good company. I loved going with him to our nearest bookshop and coffee shop and buying too many books and eating cake.

He was a complete space cadet (like me) and he felt things very deeply, but didn’t often let it show.

Im questioning everything about being his mum now. Was I too strict? Not strict enough? Too critical? I think I was probably too controlling and didn’t make him feel like he could be himself. I know he compartmentalised everything and I feel like we’ll never know why he did this. All I know is, I’m his mum. I’m meant to protect him and not let him come to harm and I’ve failed him utterly.

I’m sorry, I think this is probably all a lot, even for a bereavement forum.

It wasn't you @Rainbowdrop22, sometimes we just can't protect those we love the most but it doesn't mean we did anything wrong or that we weren't enough for them.

(And nothing you have posted is too much, this is a good place for love and support and you need that)

I am so sorry, he sounds wonderful, just try to get through the hours and in time it will ease xxx

Sending you love and hugs I cannot imagine your pain this is just too much bless you …talk about him ..have you got support around you ….maybe talk to ppl that have been in the same position as you that have been through this if there are any groups im so sorry x

Bless you ..you will get lots off support from MN family xx

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain and heartbreak from here.

You sound like an excellent mum - caring, thoughtful, loving. Please don't blame yourself.

Sending 💐

I'm so so sorry. This isn't your fault, you sound like a wonderful mother. Your son was clearly absolutely loved, you describe him so well. Sending all my love to you

Your boy sounds lovely. I am so so sorry for your loss. Unimaginable. I will be thinking of you x