My lovely boy is gone

[Rainbowdrop22]

This is awful and I’m not sure how I get through the next second, never mind the next minute or year or the rest of my life.

My son was just short of 17 years old and took his own life 3 weeks ago. The pain is getting worse every day. He’d had some mental health issues but we only started to become aware of them at the beginning of February and only a week before he died were we concerned to the point of calling the school, his Dr etc.

He was clever and funny and thoughtful and lovely. I told him this all the time. He was a teenager so of course he was also patronizing, moody and thought he knew everything.

I’ll never understand it and I just want to scream. I want him back here with me. I want my boy.

I found walking helped , I walked miles and miles each day I could not sit still and it help to exhaust myself

Have you contacted a suicide support group there is a helpline I will try to find it for you

Oh I am so very sorry for your loss. Your lovely son sounds like a wee gem. No wonder you are finding his loss so very very hard.
💐for you and your DH.

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I hope that in time you can come to see that it wasn't your fault. You clearly loved him dearly and I'm sure he knew that. There are just some things that, as parents, we cannot fix.

Oh my goodness, you haven't failed him, OP.
Please don't think that.

Although I am sure it's natural to do so because parents always blame themselves for sad things in their children's lives.

Oh @Rainbowdrop22, I think sometimes teenagers do impulsive things without really understanding the consequences. You sound like a fantastic mother and I guarantee that this is not a failing on your part.

I'm so, so sorry.

I am so sorry. That is devastating.

There was a young man ( 17 yrs old) who took his own life near to us.
He was missing for a month before his family knew what had happened.
It is heartbreaking. Truly the worst thing that can happen to a mum or dad, but it CATEGORICALLY WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

'My' youngster has had page after page on FB from his friends, none of whom had any idea that he would do this -- and they would probably know more than his parents to be fair, all saying what a wonderful, generous and supportive friend he was.

I actually don't have the words to say how sorry I am. I truly hope the pain eases and you come to believe that there was nothing more you could have done.

Take care xxx

So very sorry for your loss @Rainbowdrop22.
You must be heartbroken.
I hope you've got a good support network around you.

When the pain is too much just count. That got me through some terrible days when my dh died. I found that the grief came jn waves but I could manage to count through the crippling pain.

It's too much to think of getting through the day, so just get through one minute, counting to 60, at a time.

A psych nurse told me that there's nothing anyone can do to stop someone taking their own life if they are seriously motivated to do so. You could not have prevented this my love.

It sounds like you gave him the most wonderful life - what a gift you gave him, 17 beautiful years. I'm so very sorry you have lost him.

I'm so sorry.

Please write your thoughts here, it's not too much, this is a safe space. Many of us have been through similar. I lost my sister in similar circumstances, I think about her every day, but nothing I could have done would have changed things. You don't get over something like this, but over time you learn to live alongside your grief.

I'm so so so sorry. My heart breaks for you. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through. Sending you a hand hold, a cuddle and a prayer

I’m so, so sorry. He sounds like a clever, wonderful son and that you had a beautiful relationship 💗

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through right now. Sometimes these issues are hidden by the sufferer to the point of no return. That's not your fault. Metal health problems are awful. You often don't think logically at all. Be safe in the knowledge you did everything you could as soon as you knew.
He knew you loved him, he was clearly in such a desperate state that it was hard to open up about it.
Seek out bereavement counseling, they really can help you process everything. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for my bereavement counsellor.
Take care OP, sending mumsnet hugs to you and yours 🌺

I’m so sorry OP, this is shattering and heartbreaking beyond anything. Please share anything here - this is somewhere you can put it all out and be supported.

I am so so sorry. How absolutely devastating for you all.
In my own experience of having felt suicidal I remember clearly feeling that ending things would protect those I loved. I never once felt that I wasn't loved and despite now clearly knowing that my family would not be better off without me, at that time my illness it was an overwhelming belief that the opposite was true.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that even when people are surrounded by love that mental illness has such a strong hold on your thoughts. The way you describe your relationship with your lovely boy just shines with genuine love for each other.
I know not knowing the answers to why must be so incredibly difficult and of course none of us can ever know why your son made this decision. I don't know if what I have tried to articulate above will help you at all but I just wanted to share that in my experience it is because you love people so much that suicide seems the only answer and you do it for them not to them (even though that way of thinking seems bizarre).
Sending you so much love.

You were his Mum, always will be his Mum and trust me, it does get easier. This is the hardest part when you're fighting to draw breath and the pain takes over your entire body. Go easy on yourself, just focus on getting through one moment at a time. And talk to a professional, that saved my sanity. Sending much love to you

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry about your lovely boy

Keep talking as much as you need to

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, all of you.

From my living room window I can see life going by - everyone walking their dogs or going to school or heading up to the high street to do their shopping. Everyone looks so normal and I’m here, broken-hearted, knowing the whole town is talking about us, finding it hard to leave the house. I feel so isolated.

Posting on here is the first thing I’ve done that’s given me just a little bit of comfort. I’ve called Cruse, I’ve been in touch with SOBS, my GP has been lovely, but it’s all been a bit hollow.

Well please keep talking here sweetheart, if it helps lift you even the tiniest bit.

I am so so very sorry about your beautiful boy. Life can be so fucking cruel. Sending hugs xx

I am so incredibly sorry.
Words will never be enough.
Every parents nightmare.

I'm so so sorry for your loss.
He sounds like a wonderful young man.
Of course you feel at fault but it is not your fault. It sounds like you love him so so much. We can't fix everything as parents but we can give our love and more, as you have done.

May his memory be a blessing.

I'm so sorry, he sounds like such a wonderful young man from your words, and it's clear just how much love you shared.

Please don't worry about what other people think , they're probably only feeling sad for you and your family. And do look after yourself and your family.

I am so so sorry for your loss @Rainbowdrop22 You sound like a wonderful Mum and your son sounds so lovely. I am so desperately sorry, my heart goes out to you Xxx

So sorry for your loss. It goes against the laws of nature for us to bury our child.

There is an excellent group on Facebook Grieving Mother's UK Which was set up by mum's who had lost their children and there was no adequate support. It is purely for Mothers who have lost a child, no matter how old or by what cause, there is always someone about to lend a listening ear.

I cannot say the pain will go away it changes, you change . Do whatever brings you comfort especially in these early days. Take care