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Bereavement

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Original poster

My husband died today

237 replies

bloodywhitecat · 27/02/2022 21:31

Five years to the day after moving here to be with me, on my son's 30th birthday my wonderful DH died.

He had had cancer, a stroke then the daft bugger broke his leg, he was so determined the cancer wouldn't get him despite it having a 3% survival rate and he was doing well until a massive stroke hit and all treatment was off. He died early this morning and spent most of the day here, in our home, surrounded by family doing family things. It was just me and him when he died, he looked for me one last time and I held him as he took his last breath, I told him he was loved and that his daughter was coming to see him today. For the first time in weeks he looked free, no pain, no disability from the stroke just calmness.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 27/02/2022 23:53

@SaberToothKitten

So sorry, stupid fingers on emoji's. All my sympathies are with you xx
It made me laugh, today has been a day of laughter and tears.
OP posts:
GloriaSicTransitMundi · 27/02/2022 23:54

Sending you love and strength.

liliainterfrutices · 27/02/2022 23:56

Oh bloodywhitecat - I am so sorry. How beautifully and lovingly you write. I wish you peace and warmth and support.

HereticFanjo · 27/02/2022 23:57

Very sorry for your loss x

Bellagio40 · 28/02/2022 00:06

I am so so sorry

Emashley · 28/02/2022 00:07

I am so sorry for your great loss. I will be praying for you and your family to find comfort in your memories.

PermanentlyDizzy · 28/02/2022 00:08

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your love shone through in your posts, as did your strength and grace.

Sending much love and light to you and yours. x

echobeachsomeday · 28/02/2022 00:10

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

MTCoffeePot · 28/02/2022 00:15

So sorry for your loss 🌹

Seeingadistance · 28/02/2022 00:17

I'm so sorry to hear that this day has come.

Flowers
Louisianagumbo · 28/02/2022 00:25

I'm so very sorry for you and your family. I remember your first posts when he'd been to the hospital and you were wondering what it all meant and I've followed your updates with sadness. He sounds like the most wonderful man and it was so clear how much you loved each other. I'm very sorry for your loss.

AladdinPrincess999 · 28/02/2022 00:25

I've been following your story. (Nc a lot) just wanted to send my condolences. You always spoke to lovingly of him.
I'm glad he's finally at peace ❤Flowers

AladdinPrincess999 · 28/02/2022 00:26

@AladdinPrincess999

I've been following your story. (Nc a lot) just wanted to send my condolences. You always spoke to lovingly of him. I'm glad he's finally at peace ❤Flowers
*so
VivX · 28/02/2022 00:40

Sorry for your loss. You sound like you had a lovely marriage xx

TonyThreePies · 28/02/2022 00:41

I'm so sorry. He sounds like a wonderful man and you sound like a wonderful couple. I am sending you all the strength in the world Flowers

Karmakamelion · 28/02/2022 00:44

I wish I had words to ease your pain. I don't but I do have good wishes that I am sending you in abundance. I am so very sorry for your loss but so very glad that you found each other xx

DrSophia · 28/02/2022 00:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your DH both sound like such good people. He clearly adored you and you write so beautifully about him. I hope you both find some peace. X

madmumofteens · 28/02/2022 07:36

I am so very sorry for your loss 💐

Lemonweightloss · 28/02/2022 12:17

@bloodywhitecat, how's it going? Hope you managed some rest. It's hard I know, when you lose someone. ❤

Murderinparadise · 28/02/2022 22:21

@bloodywhitecat I hope today has been as peaceful as it can be, and that you managed to have a good chat with the funeral arranger. Your story of the owl reminds me of a book I read as a child (I think it came from Sunday School as it was about a missionary) called When the Owl Calls Your Name. It is set in canada and the native tribes believed the owl called you when you were to pass away. It really moved me then and I hope you get some comfort from that owl in the days and nights ahead.

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 28/02/2022 22:31

[quote Lemonweightloss]@bloodywhitecat, how's it going? Hope you managed some rest. It's hard I know, when you lose someone. ❤[/quote]
Such lovely messages from everyone, thank you. It is Rare Disease Day today and cholangiocarcinoma is a rare disease with just 2000 cases a year in the UK.

I did sleep last night, I didn't think I would but I did. I was sleepless for a while so I got up and cleaned the kitchen then, when I did sleep I slept until the babies woke at 7am.

I have cried lots today, I cried when various companies called to arrange the collection of equipment, none of them had been told why it had to be collected so I had to expleain several times. It would've been easier if the OT who notified the companies that the collection was needed because of a death. I took all his unused syringe driver drugs and other meds back to the surgery for disposal, that made me cry too. His brother and his wife sent me the most beautiful bouquet, that made me cry then we were choosing songs for his service and that made me cry, especially 1000 Years by Christina Perri. I have decided that is too close to home as we had it for our wedding in May, I can't even think of that without crying.

Tomorrow I need to call the registrar to make an appointment to register his death, that feels too hard at the moment.

I just want him to come home.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 28/02/2022 22:41

Sending you a tight hand hold and hug.

vipersnest1 · 28/02/2022 22:51

@bloodywhitecat, I'm glad you've had some rest at least.
Crying is very definitely ok. It's a very difficult time (I know you know that, but just saying it out loud.)
As for dealing with people that don't know DH has died, would it help to have a script? You could maybe try writing something down so you can read it out rather than searching for the words.
Keep busy if you want to, but don't try to do everything at once.
I too love 1000 Years - it's beautiful isn't it? I can totally see why you don't want that at the service. You'll figure out what is right. It may come out of the blue, so don't worry if you can't find something 'right' just now.
The registrar will tell you about something called 'Tell Us Once' - it informs multiple agencies, so you don't have to do that yourself. Sorry to say it, but it's wise to ask for more copies of the death certificate than you think you need.
Wanting him back is perfectly natural, and part of accepting what has happened. That will probably take a long time.
But, you will be ok in the end. Thanks

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 28/02/2022 23:06

Tonight I am sleeping in his hospital bed again but tomorrow I have to bite the bullet and sleep in ours without him. I have slept in that bed on my own many, many times and slept well, in fact I enjoyed the extra space sometimes but that was in times when I knew he'd be back in there soon. And now I know he won't be.

@Murderinparadise I love the idea of that story, thank you for sharing it. I am going to look it up.

@vipersnest1 Thank you for your advice, it is very helpful. A script is a very good idea, I hadn't thought about how many death certificates I might need so thank you for that too.

OP posts:
vipersnest1 · 28/02/2022 23:07

@bloodywhitecat, massive hugs to you.