I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.
Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 19:39
Hi, I don't know why I am posting. My kids are devastated, dp doesn't know what to say.
She was fine til a few weeks ago. We booked theatre tickets to her favourite show for next year. Then she struggled to breath and go diagnosed with asthma.
Today, I spoke to her. She had opened door number 2 on the Advent calendar I got her. It was a conditioner. She was going to wash her hair and use it.
Before she got to the shower, she couldn't breathe. Dad got her inhaler but it didn't help and he called an ambulance. They arrived quickly, she collapsed and stopped breathing and they couldn't get her back.
I walked into their house and she was gone. She was in bed, the ambulance people still there.
I have had to phone family. Dad is worrying that she had a hair appointment booked and I can't get hold of her hair dresser to cancel.
Dad's broken. I am just sat feeling numb. I should be in pain and know it will probably come. But I don't want it to. I want to be numb forever.
I keep getting upset over the Advent calendar that will remain unopened from today. It was meant for her to treat herself. To pamper herself. And now it's just there.
I don't know what to do. I don't how she was here and then she wasn't. I miss her already.
CaribouCarafe · 03/12/2021 12:20
Hey OP, if you're struggling to eat, one thing that I've found that helps me in such situations is crackers - start with trying to just have a nibble of one and see where it progresses from there. Plain food tends to work best in general.
Such a horrible situation to be in
Darkpheonix · 03/12/2021 14:14
Thank you. I will try some crackers.
Me and dd are going food shopping soon. Dad doesn't have much in. Neither do we, so it will get me out for a bit.
But this afternoon a delivery turned up for her. She signed herself up for a wine subscription. So just trying to stop that going forward. Dad doesn't really drink so it's no good for him.
These little things are exhausting.
Bluetrews25 · 03/12/2021 15:52
There's a system called 'tell us once' - google that, it's a gov.uk site. It lets lots of people know - I'm talking official organisations you will have to notify, not Jean down the road.
Still sending warmth.
Digestives are good too.
10kidswhoscounting · 03/12/2021 18:41
I'm so sorry 😔 💐💐💐
Piggy42 · 03/12/2021 18:49
I’m so very sorry for you loss
Darkpheonix · 03/12/2021 20:31
Sorry to keep posting. Its just helping me.
Me and the kids are having movie night. I can't concentrate and keep having to go in the kitchen so they don't see me cry.
Its coming in waves. I feel OK. Thank then I am crying and it hurts so bad I want to scream. Then it subsides.
I hate thinking like this but I can't wait for the kids to be in bed. I just want to sit and cry and not worry about them.
I just want my mum back.
CloudyStorms · 03/12/2021 20:34
It's ok it's understandable. Is there a friend who can look after the kids for a bit tomorrow?
CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 03/12/2021 20:55
I'm sorry to read about your DM, she sounds like the most amazing grandmother and mother. I'm glad she got to see your Christmas present and the couple of days she did open brought her joy
CaribouCarafe · 03/12/2021 21:00
Are any of your kids old enough to look after their siblings? If so could you relegate the bedtime routine to the eldest and say you're having an early night and do what you need to do in your bedroom?
I think in times like this it's best to outsource what you can to others if you can
Crunchymum · 03/12/2021 21:04
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your posts absolutely radiate with love for your mum and despite your loss, that love never dies.
I lost my mum suddenly last year (text from her at 10am and she was dead less than 3 hours later). I still feel utterly heartbroken but I promise you'll find your way....
Because she was your mum and she taught you well, she shaped you and she gave you all the strength you need to get through the darkness.
We only hurt so much as we loved so much.
Darkpheonix · 03/12/2021 21:53
Thank you. Dd is 17 and can put ds to bed. And she has been great. But both of them want to be with me. Dp is doing alot of the practical stuff making food, running ds bath, but both just want to be with me.
Dd has asked to stay with my dad tomorrow and ds is going to his dad's on Sunday. So I will get a few hours to myself then. Dd used to stay with them at least twice a week. They live next to her college so if she has early classes, so would stay the night before and she wants to stay.
I did just break and had to go off upstairs for a cry. Dd made a cheese board for us. My mum loved to see what she was up to. My first thought was that I would take a photo and send it to mum. Then realised I can't. That was too much. I sat on the bed and cried all over dp.
Darkpheonix · 03/12/2021 21:56
@Crunchymum I am so sorry.
Darkpheonix · 04/12/2021 09:42
Well now I am just hurting myself.
Tool a look at the F&M Advent calandar thread, thinking seeing people enjoying it would help. It's not. I just thought 'she should have had that excitment'
Now I am hiding in the kitchen crying. I might have to hide that thread. But I hope everyone does enjoy their calendars.
CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 09:45
Thinking of you this morning.
HeronLanyon · 04/12/2021 10:04
Also thinking of you op. One thing I found in the weeks/months after my mum died was that some days I was able to do quite a bit of the admin and family support etc. Sometimes fir days on end I couldn’t face it. I tried to do as much as I could on those better days and then not feel any pressure at all about losing days on end, with things undone, when there really was no choice.
Sending support. You will get through this.
Newnamefor2021 · 04/12/2021 10:06
I'm so sorry OP
CaribouCarafe · 04/12/2021 10:07
@Darkpheonix there's no correct way to grieve. If you need time and space to cry I think it's healthy to do so. I also don't think it would be damaging for your kids to know that you are - as long as you keep some communication going with them to let them know you're otherwise OK.
I do think it's a shame that we've lost some of our mourning rituals as a society because I think having some level of structure and outside recognition and help was beneficial. I think nowadays people tend to feel so lost when they lose someone as noone around them really knows what to do either
rainbowstardrops · 04/12/2021 10:20
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve because we're all different but there's no shame in crying in front of your children. I lost my lovely mum 16 years ago and my dad 3 months ago and I'm always blubbing! I can't help it.
Go easy on yourself and do whatever you need to do. Take care
shiningstar2 · 04/12/2021 10:24
So sorry for your loss op.
Darkpheonix · 04/12/2021 12:14
Just getting dressed to head out...not sure where
I cant thank you all enough, for all your kindness. Its really helped me through.
pickingdaisies · 04/12/2021 13:05
mrssunshinexxx · 04/12/2021 15:23
@Darkpheonix I just wanted to send my sympathies and love to you. I too lost my amazing mum last April she was only 63 I was 6 weeks off having my first baby. She was texting me totally normal at 2pm then by 6pm she had been taken to hosptial with a huge bleed on the brain we were told overnight would be critical .. no bad news over night I really thought she would pull through she was strong as an ox in every way ... 6.45am came and I got a call from my sister to say she had gone. It has changed me forever I don't even think I've accepted it still 18months on. I miss her unexplainable amounts. I know this doesn't make it any better but you are not alone. Feel free to PM me if you want to x
YokoOnosHat · 04/12/2021 15:31
I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.
Echobeachsomeday · 04/12/2021 15:41
I'm extremely sorry for the loss of your mum op ❤️
Igmum · 04/12/2021 15:42
Sending love ❤️
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