I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.
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Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 19:39
Hi, I don't know why I am posting. My kids are devastated, dp doesn't know what to say.
She was fine til a few weeks ago. We booked theatre tickets to her favourite show for next year. Then she struggled to breath and go diagnosed with asthma.
Today, I spoke to her. She had opened door number 2 on the Advent calendar I got her. It was a conditioner. She was going to wash her hair and use it.
Before she got to the shower, she couldn't breathe. Dad got her inhaler but it didn't help and he called an ambulance. They arrived quickly, she collapsed and stopped breathing and they couldn't get her back.
I walked into their house and she was gone. She was in bed, the ambulance people still there.
I have had to phone family. Dad is worrying that she had a hair appointment booked and I can't get hold of her hair dresser to cancel.
Dad's broken. I am just sat feeling numb. I should be in pain and know it will probably come. But I don't want it to. I want to be numb forever.
I keep getting upset over the Advent calendar that will remain unopened from today. It was meant for her to treat herself. To pamper herself. And now it's just there.
I don't know what to do. I don't how she was here and then she wasn't. I miss her already.
HastySlander · 02/12/2021 23:17
Your mum is beautiful op 💖 I’m so sorry you’re going through this. She sounds like the most incredible
woman, I know a little of what you are going through. My dad was ill but then suddenly died less than 24 hours after I had seen him. It was a blessing but also such a shock. Look after yourself 
PurpleSneakers · 02/12/2021 23:20
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum X. I was shocked to the core when I lost my mum in 2016 and still miss her so much (and we did have our falling outs too). Please take care of yourself well during this time. The only thing that I though helped slightly in the early days was sleeping as much as I could. My heart goes out to you and your family
OldTinHat · 02/12/2021 23:23
There are no magical words to comfort you with but I'm so very, very sorry for your loss
sarah13xx · 02/12/2021 23:25
Aww god, sending all my love. What an awful day for you, you are in my thoughts 😢
tricky29 · 02/12/2021 23:26
I’mso sorry you’ve lost your Mum. I hope you have people that you can lean on who will look after you. And post here if you want to talk to people you don’t know ❤️
GodspeedJune · 02/12/2021 23:27
So sorry for the loss of your wonderful Mum
Mamanyt · 02/12/2021 23:40
Fair winds and following seas, Dear Lady, fair winds and following seas.
I am so, so sorry. I am hugging you in my heart from across the "vasty deep."
wlv12 · 02/12/2021 23:40
I’m so deeply sorry, OP.
There is no right or wrong right now, just whatever gets you though
HailAdrian · 02/12/2021 23:42
I'm so so sorry, what a shock.
Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 23:46
I am just telling do how 2 years running she hired proper actor to come to her house and play Santa Claus. Costing hundreds of pounds. Just for the grandkids.
Her and dad turned the extension into a replica of a carriage of polar express and had a whole afternoon with the kids doi f activities and watching films.
The youngest grandchild hated (and still does) Santa claus. 
so she stopped doing.
Tinsellittis · 02/12/2021 23:49
So very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mum
Pottymouth83 · 02/12/2021 23:57
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I’ve also just lost someone very suddenly and tragically and I am full of regret for not doing more for them in their last few months. Please take comfort in the all those nice things you did for her - the theatre tickets, the advent calendar - she was clearly loved and surely felt that.
Babyroobs · 03/12/2021 00:03
So sorry to read this op. I lost my mum very suddenly too. The pain never goes way but does get a bit easier with time.
sarahtalkstoomuch · 03/12/2021 00:27
So sorry for your loss. The photo of her is lovely. She looks glam and fun. I hope you can find some comfort in your memories, one day xxx
lynntheyresexpeople · 03/12/2021 00:41
The pain in this post is absolutely heartbreaking. Op I am so so sorry 
Darkpheonix · 03/12/2021 00:46
I don't want to sleep.
I cant face waking up without her. I know I have to. But I want to stay awake as long as possible.
Myusername2015 · 03/12/2021 01:09
Oh lovely I feel your pain so much and am sending you so much love and strength. I had a similar experience losing my mum and then my dad without any warning in the space of a year. Grief comes in waves and you have to just go with it. In time I promise you it gets easier but that’s no consolation to you now. I had prescribed sleeping tablets as I couldn’t sleep either; your mum is absolutely beautiful and I’m certain she was proud beyond measure at what a thoughtful caring daughter she had raised. 💐
Justilou1 · 03/12/2021 01:22
Hi @Darkpheonix
I’m so, so sorry about your Mum. I’m very pleased for you that you had a “normal” phone call with her and she was enjoying her Advent Calendar. My mum died just before Christmas a few years ago too. My kids were little, and it was all awful for them, but she’d been so sick and scared, it was a relief. She and I had a very different relationship too. She hated me, and yet I did all her cares right through to the end. She didn’t mellow. I know I did the right thing, but it was physically and emotionally very difficult. For all your sakes, although it was a shock, I’m pleased you didn’t have to deal with any of that. For your mother’s I’m pleased that she was saved that indignity. We are very protected from death in this modern world and very few people know what to say. They know that nothing will really make you feel comforted. Words feel inadequate on both sides. I do know that you do find comfort from the people you love, so be with them. Big hugs.
Darkpheonix · 03/12/2021 06:55
I got a few hours sleep. But woke up and started throwing up.
Ds woke up and came down to be with me. He has fallen asleep again with the dogs on top of him. I am sure the dogs know.
I am sat in the chair and I keep shivering. I might have caught a bug on top of this.
festivefuschias · 03/12/2021 08:02
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum.
Allthatglittersandgold · 03/12/2021 08:05
Op hope you managed to get some rest last night. Please check in with us.
I'm so sorry xx
Allthatglittersandgold · 03/12/2021 08:06
@Darkpheonix wrap up and rest xx
Monday55 · 03/12/2021 08:10
My deepest sympathies
CloudyStorms · 03/12/2021 08:44
Wrap up warm I'm so sorry
Darkpheonix · 03/12/2021 10:42
Thank you. I am feeling less shaky.
I went for a walk. People were round. Mum would insist they were at least offered food. I wasn't in the mood for cooking so went for a walk to a cafe and brought back sandwiches.
The walk helped a bit, I do feel a bit better than I did first thing.
I just can't seem to eat though.
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