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I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.
215

Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 19:39

Hi, I don't know why I am posting. My kids are devastated, dp doesn't know what to say.

She was fine til a few weeks ago. We booked theatre tickets to her favourite show for next year. Then she struggled to breath and go diagnosed with asthma.

Today, I spoke to her. She had opened door number 2 on the Advent calendar I got her. It was a conditioner. She was going to wash her hair and use it.

Before she got to the shower, she couldn't breathe. Dad got her inhaler but it didn't help and he called an ambulance. They arrived quickly, she collapsed and stopped breathing and they couldn't get her back.

I walked into their house and she was gone. She was in bed, the ambulance people still there.

I have had to phone family. Dad is worrying that she had a hair appointment booked and I can't get hold of her hair dresser to cancel.

Dad's broken. I am just sat feeling numb. I should be in pain and know it will probably come. But I don't want it to. I want to be numb forever.

I keep getting upset over the Advent calendar that will remain unopened from today. It was meant for her to treat herself. To pamper herself. And now it's just there.

I don't know what to do. I don't how she was here and then she wasn't. I miss her already.

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CrikeyPeg · 02/12/2021 21:39

I'm so very sorry OP xx

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Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 21:40

Dd has text her dad (the kids dad is not dp). I was married to exh for 14 years. He has known my parents over 20 years. Even after we split mum helped him with childcare on his days with the kids. They did more for him than his own parents.

He told her 'oh right well I am working. But I will leave my phone on but I won't have long to talk'

She is now more upset that he doesn't seem that bothered. He hasn't even tried to get in touch with ds.

I dont expect him to be concerned for me. But the lack of concern for the kids, has upset them.

Its just not what I need.

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NinDS · 02/12/2021 21:42

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad, my best friend, in 2018 very suddenly at the age of 63. It’s such a shock and every day I still think about him and what if…but it does get easier. Thinking about you all xx

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canadagoose1 · 02/12/2021 21:45

Oh no I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen.

The advent calendar is heartbreaking. I cried when I read about it because I remembered some cakes I made my Dad that he never got to eat. It was years ago. I remember them now in the ice cream tub I brought them in. It seems so trivial in the great scheme of things but I completely understand why you mentioned it, I think it's natural to focus on a thing.

I hope you can find some comfort. A virtual hug from a stranger Flowers

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Tulips21 · 02/12/2021 21:45

So sorry Op,
Just awful.x

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Blossomtoes · 02/12/2021 21:47

No words. I wish I could hug you 💐

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ivegotthisyeah · 02/12/2021 21:49

Thanks
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Nsky · 02/12/2021 21:51

Awful when it’s sudden, shock takes a while to hit you, happened to my parents together.
Sending love

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Anndie · 02/12/2021 21:52

So sorry for your loss, she sounds a truly lovely Mum xx

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Hereforthelaughs2020 · 02/12/2021 21:55

So sorry for your loss Flowers

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KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 02/12/2021 21:59

I'm so sorry @Darkpheonix we lost my dad in the same way. I spoke to him in the evening, and by 6am he was gone. I remember going into my parents home and there was a bottle of whisky with his glass next to it with a mouthful left in it. I'd bought him it for his birthday the weekend before. Next to it was a few sweets he'd popped on the coffee table to munch on. It was surreal knowing that just a few hours earlier he'd been sat in his chair sipping on his drink and having a few Maltesers.

Wishing you strength to get through the next few weeks Thanks

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JacquelineCarlyle · 02/12/2021 22:00

I am so sorry for your loss Op. She sounds like an amazing mum & grandma Thanks

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godmum56 · 02/12/2021 22:00

I am so sorry for your loss and its even harder at this time of year. May her memory eventually become a blessing

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Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 22:01

@canadagoose1

Oh no I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen.

The advent calendar is heartbreaking. I cried when I read about it because I remembered some cakes I made my Dad that he never got to eat. It was years ago. I remember them now in the ice cream tub I brought them in. It seems so trivial in the great scheme of things but I completely understand why you mentioned it, I think it's natural to focus on a thing.

I hope you can find some comfort. A virtual hug from a stranger Flowers

I don't know what to say apart from, I am so sorry.

The unfinished is so hard to accept.
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viques · 02/12/2021 22:03

What an awful shock for you all Darkphoenix. My condolences to you and your family.

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girafferafferaffe · 02/12/2021 22:04

I'm so sorry OP. That's awful. I'll never forget the day my grandad passed away. He was supposed to come to ours like he did every week and his sandwiches were left on the table for him to eat. I remember just staring at those sandwiches, not knowing what to do with them.

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SchrodingersKitty · 02/12/2021 22:05

I'm so very sorry. What a terrible, terrible shock.

About the numbness: I lost my DH in September 2020 and I honestly think I'm still pretty numb. DS and I actually welcomed the numbness as it made it possible for us to keep going. My experience of grief is that your brain seems to protect you, and the feelings only trickle out in the tiny increments that you can cope with. That's fine with me - the grief will always be there. There's no rush to process things until you are ready. I'm thinking of you and wishing you strength.

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Shufflebumnessie · 02/12/2021 22:05

I have absolutely nothing to say that will offer you any comfort but I am truly sorry for your loss Flowers

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HereticFanjo · 02/12/2021 22:09

So sorry OP x

Take the next while minute by minute. Just breathe, take sips of water or tea, cry, stare at the wall. Whatever you have to do x

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RandomMess · 02/12/2021 22:12

The advent calendar- you known your Mum got 99% of the joy the moment you gave it to her, isn't that so precious 💕

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AliceAldridge · 02/12/2021 22:13

I'm so sorry OP. I lost my Dad suddenly too. One day he was fine, then he died in his sleep. I went over straight away and it was like I couldn't understand where he had gone. He died on father's day. I still have his World's Best Dad card in my drawer. It was up for over a year. Sending you hugs xx

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Capferret · 02/12/2021 22:14

So sorry op. Flowers

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Queenie6655 · 02/12/2021 22:17

That is tough

So very sorry xxxxxxx

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SpecialchildSupermum · 02/12/2021 22:19

I’m sorry for your loss of your dear mum Flowers I’m sure you will really miss her! My only advice is take a day at a time and be kind to yourself and your family. If people ask if they can do anything, then give them
Things to do like cook a meal, get some shopping etc. It’s their way of showing they care

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2018SoFarSoGreat · 02/12/2021 22:19

I'm so very sorry, OP. My mum died suddenly, although she'd been in hospital they said she was on the mend. She just died, just like your mum did. It is such a shock and one I still struggle to absorb, 2 years later. I keep saying 'must call Mum and tell her'

I'm crying for you, with you, as that pain does lessen, but it never goes.

Sending hugs and Flowers

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