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I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.
215

Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 19:39

Hi, I don't know why I am posting. My kids are devastated, dp doesn't know what to say.

She was fine til a few weeks ago. We booked theatre tickets to her favourite show for next year. Then she struggled to breath and go diagnosed with asthma.

Today, I spoke to her. She had opened door number 2 on the Advent calendar I got her. It was a conditioner. She was going to wash her hair and use it.

Before she got to the shower, she couldn't breathe. Dad got her inhaler but it didn't help and he called an ambulance. They arrived quickly, she collapsed and stopped breathing and they couldn't get her back.

I walked into their house and she was gone. She was in bed, the ambulance people still there.

I have had to phone family. Dad is worrying that she had a hair appointment booked and I can't get hold of her hair dresser to cancel.

Dad's broken. I am just sat feeling numb. I should be in pain and know it will probably come. But I don't want it to. I want to be numb forever.

I keep getting upset over the Advent calendar that will remain unopened from today. It was meant for her to treat herself. To pamper herself. And now it's just there.

I don't know what to do. I don't how she was here and then she wasn't. I miss her already.

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EffYouSeeKaye · 02/12/2021 22:22

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

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Wam90 · 02/12/2021 22:22

I am so sorry ♥️

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DollieBantrysPantry · 02/12/2021 22:23

So sorry for your loss 💐

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Iwilloneday · 02/12/2021 22:25

So very sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking at the best of times never mind this time of year. I wish you courage and strength on the road ahead. Love, thoughts and prayers for you, your dad and the rest of your family xxx

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Panda8383 · 02/12/2021 22:31

I am so sorry for you and your family :-( your mum sounds like an amazing lady and you sound like a great daughter 💕 it’s so sad and heartbreaking. Xx

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RestingMurderousFace · 02/12/2021 22:32

I'm so sorry, can't even imagine. Flowers

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insatiableme · 02/12/2021 22:36

So sorry for your loss op 💐

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whitehorsesdonotlie · 02/12/2021 22:38

I'm so sorry for your loss, op. What an awful shock for you all. Sending you huge hugs.

Just take each minute as it comes. Breathe. Don't expect too much of yourself. You've had a huge shock and it will take time to process.

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AdviceOnLife · 02/12/2021 22:39

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers You and your family are in my thoughts at this time Flowers

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shinydiamonds · 02/12/2021 22:41

I'm so sorry for your loss. How awfully sad. May your lovely mum rest peacefully.

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Timeforwinterclothes · 02/12/2021 22:42

I'm so sorry. My mum went so suddenly. I took her round some fresh fish and had a chat. I went home and she died. Just like that. She was younger than I am now. I lived in a fog for weeks. My dad fell apart as they had been friends from childhood. It's a terrible experience for you. You did get to give her the calendar and she was happy with no inkling of what was to come. Easy for her. So hard for those who loved her.

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YABVVU · 02/12/2021 22:44

I never had the pleasure of having a mum who cared about me. Now having a daughter my heart is devastated for you. This will take time. So sorry for your loss. Happy that you had a wonderful mum in your life.Very sorry x

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twilightermummy · 02/12/2021 22:54

I’m so sorry op. I lost my wonderful father a few years back on the 5th of December. Only a couple of weeks before my 30th and of course, before Christmas. The next couple of years will be extremely painful. It’s not something you’re likely to get over but be grateful that you were so loved and you loved her.
Look out for her. You’ll see and feel her around you in the coming months I’m sure.
I’m pleased that you seem to have a wonderful family to support you. Take care Flowers

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Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 22:59

I am so sorry for all of you that have posted about similar circumstances. .

I am currently focusing on the positives. She would have hated to die in hospital or had a long drawn illness. She was insistent we would not provide Care for her. We all cared for her dad when he had dementia and it really impacted her health. So she didn't want that. And a long drawn illness would have scared her.

But also, had she been ill for a long time, she would have been consumed by guilt for leaving us all.

Dp also pointed out that if I hadn't got her an Advent calendar and found a perfect Christmas present, that she wouldn't have seen it yet.

At least she saw it and saw how much she meant and the gesture behind it. I hoped she knew how loved she was.

The last time she baked for another office, they took cakes back and many people sent photos of themselves eating it. I sent them on to her and she was happy but a little embarrassed they made such a fuss.

She really loved making people happy, but also got embarrassed by their thanks.

This is my beautiful mum. On holiday after her and dad gor back together. She wasn't perfect, she was a pain sometimes but I loved even the time she was a pain.

We used to fallout something chronic. Then be fine 10 mins later. She liked that we fell out. She said it was a sign we were close.

I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.
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Sebastianthecoo · 02/12/2021 23:03

I’m so sorry, sounds like your mum was wonderful. Know that she was loved and that she knew how much you loved her just this morning. A sudden death is so hard on families but your lovely mum won’t have known a thing about it, no long suffering please take peace from that.

Maybe you could open the advent calendar daily and put the carefully chosen gifts in a basket, you will be so sore and raw know but with time you might be ready to use a bubble bath or take a moment to spend on your own while you think of her.

It won’t always feel like this, be kind to yourself.

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Panda8383 · 02/12/2021 23:03

Your mum is beautiful ❤️ X

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Googleboxfan · 02/12/2021 23:03

I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you xxxx

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Phoenix76 · 02/12/2021 23:04

Oh op, I’m so very sorry. You were clearly as an amazing daughter as she was an amazing mum. It really is a taking one second, minute, hour at a time situation here. Please look after yourself, no pressure for anything, sending massive hugs.

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DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 02/12/2021 23:05

Hi Op, firstly I would like to give you my sincerest condolences. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing mother and a fabulous nan. I lost my sibling to Covid a few weeks ago & I just feel like I am still in shock & just about functioning. I don’t know how to process the loss of a loved one but I am sending you all my strength for however long you need it. If you need time for yourself take it, you will need it after you will have spent so long looking after your children, your dear father. Remember you can only do so much and you must look after your mental health. If you ever want to talk or just to rant pls get in touch. You & your family will be in my thoughts & prayers xx

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GladysNarracott · 02/12/2021 23:06

So sorry OP Flowers

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vinoandbrie · 02/12/2021 23:08

I’m so sorry for your loss. Flowers

Thank you for sharing about your mum, what a lovely, vivid idea I have of her now in my mind, and that photo, utterly gorgeous!

Sending strength for the hours and days ahead. Be very gentle with yourself. I’m so sorry this has happened.

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HeronLanyon · 02/12/2021 23:11

Oh op I am so so sorry.
I lost my own lovely Ma similarly and the shock was just I describable. Crept up in me over a few weeks.
Sending support to you and your family and your poor dad who needs you.
The advent calendar - sometime i think it will bring you some comfort that you gave her that.
When I walked into my mums house I found my birthday card written ready to put in the post and I cry good loving ‘missing mum’ tears when I think of it but love that she loved me right to the very end.
it’s tough but I promise you, so are we. You will be ok and she would want nothing more than that.
She looks so lovely.

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MB58 · 02/12/2021 23:13

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. My thoughts are with you and the whole family, so sad Flowers

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GaslighterDenier · 02/12/2021 23:14

So sorry for your loss. Your mum looks so kind in that beautiful picture Flowers

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KissKissButtCheek · 02/12/2021 23:15

OP this has made me tear up so much, I can feel your pain in your words, you sound so confused and numb.
I am so so sorry, I have no words of wisdom i' afraid, just deep sorrow for your loss x

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