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I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.
215

Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 19:39

Hi, I don't know why I am posting. My kids are devastated, dp doesn't know what to say.

She was fine til a few weeks ago. We booked theatre tickets to her favourite show for next year. Then she struggled to breath and go diagnosed with asthma.

Today, I spoke to her. She had opened door number 2 on the Advent calendar I got her. It was a conditioner. She was going to wash her hair and use it.

Before she got to the shower, she couldn't breathe. Dad got her inhaler but it didn't help and he called an ambulance. They arrived quickly, she collapsed and stopped breathing and they couldn't get her back.

I walked into their house and she was gone. She was in bed, the ambulance people still there.

I have had to phone family. Dad is worrying that she had a hair appointment booked and I can't get hold of her hair dresser to cancel.

Dad's broken. I am just sat feeling numb. I should be in pain and know it will probably come. But I don't want it to. I want to be numb forever.

I keep getting upset over the Advent calendar that will remain unopened from today. It was meant for her to treat herself. To pamper herself. And now it's just there.

I don't know what to do. I don't how she was here and then she wasn't. I miss her already.

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WizardOfAus · 02/12/2021 20:59

Sending you love, OP.

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cpjoli · 02/12/2021 20:59

So sorry. My heart breaks for you 💔

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Iamkmackered1979 · 02/12/2021 20:59

Sorry for your loss op, thinking of you must be such a shock. Hope your husband takes good care of you. Your poor dad, take care Flowers

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newname1979 · 02/12/2021 21:01

I'm so sorry OP my dad died very suddenly three weeks ago. We were in the house only minutes before he had a massive cardiac arrest that he didn't recover from. I still can't quite believe it, he had been in flying form and we had said we'd be back that evening for a takeaway. I'm going between numb and inconsolable and feeling very panicky and anxious. Mind yourself. X

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RainbownNameChange · 02/12/2021 21:01

Another one who has you in my thoughts OP, you are in shock so please be very gentle with yourself and keep accepting support Flowers

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ICanSeeARainbow123 · 02/12/2021 21:01

I'm so sorry x

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Seemslikeagoodidea · 02/12/2021 21:03

Losing a loved one is bad enough when you have been expecting it, but to lose someone suddenly, without warning, is such a blow. The only small piece of consolation is that you had a nice chat with her this morning, and she was pleased with the advent calendar you gave her, so you know that your thoughtful gift gave her pleasure. If you had not given her that calendar, maybe you would not have had that chat with her this morning.

Pace yourself, there is no rush to do anything. Your father will need a lot of support, but so will you - take care not to overstretch yourself. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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Tubs11 · 02/12/2021 21:04

I'm so so sorry for your loss, the sudden loss of a parent is extremely difficult but I hope in time you are left with loving memories and you will ALWAYS be thankful you spoke to her today. May she rest in peace

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wintercandyland · 02/12/2021 21:11

So so sorry. Thinking of you all Flowers

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ArabellaScott · 02/12/2021 21:14

Flowers I'm so very sorry, OP. Sending love and a hug.

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Mum2jenny · 02/12/2021 21:15

So sorry, love and hugs xxx

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IAmTheLovechildOfYvesAndIsabel · 02/12/2021 21:16

What a terrible shock for you all OP. I am so sorry for your loss.

I think the numbness is how our brains try and protect us initially.

I've often read threads on here when posters talk about the loved one they have lost, share memories and tell us what that person was like. I am not suggesting that you do this now but the good thing about this site is that there's always someone about 24hrs a day.

One thought I had when you were talking about the advent calendar and the theatre trip is that your lovely mum was having a good day, she had spoken to her daughter, her husband, she was at home. She didn't have a long, painful demise. She was spared the grief of losing you or your Dad.
I hope you understand what I mean. X

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User123654123654 · 02/12/2021 21:17

I’m so sorry FlowersSad

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doodleygirl · 02/12/2021 21:17

The love for your mum shines out. So sorry for your lossFlowers

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Arethechildreninbedyet · 02/12/2021 21:18

Fuck, my darling. Little else to say but fuck.

I cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing and nothing but love to you, your dad, the family and above anyone else your lovely mum.

Turn off for the next few days if it will help. You don’t need to tell people if you don’t want, you don’t need to report anything - just take a few days to try and breathe.

You will feel very numb and very broken I imagine for quite some time. That is so very normal, you are in terrible shock. Please be kind to yourself, take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time - whatever you need.

My father died in a similarly abrupt manner and the following days were just a blur. So much love and hand holding.

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Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 21:21

@TyrannysaurusXXrightshoarder

Ah, I’m sorry for you and for your loss. My Dad died just over a month ago, unexpectedly, and I’d already got his Christmas present and card - and his birthday present and card, as it was New Year - and now they’re just sitting here and I don’t know what to do with them. I’m still in a state of not quite believing it’s all happening yet. I though the funeral would judge me in to acceptance, but that was last week and I’m still not sure of what’s going on yet. It’s going to take me some time I imagine, and it will take you time too. In the meantime, go gently, don’t put pressure on yourself to think and feel things just because you think you should, be peaceful Flowers

I am so sorry.

I don't know what to do. Leave it unopened. Give the items to my dd (17). The box is reusable. Do I reuse it for dd from now on. She helped pick it.

There's no right answer.


Thank you for your guidance ❤
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HPFA · 02/12/2021 21:21

This is always the saddest thing when someone dies suddenly.

The last conversation I had with my mother I was arranging for her to go on a special gardening course (which she would have loved) and when I went to the house after she'd been taken ill her revision books for the A-Level she was doing were all over the table. She died that afternoon.

You do get to the point where you realise it's good that your last conversation was a nice one and that they were busy and happy right up to the end but that's going to take time. My love and sympathies to you right now.

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MarshmallowSwede · 02/12/2021 21:24

Op I’m so so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

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Bluetrews25 · 02/12/2021 21:28

Sending warmth from the north west to you and the family.
She knew what she meant to you. Flowers

Be kind to yourself. You will be able to carry on. There will be a new normal for you in a while. Give it time. Talk it out when you're able to.
Brew Cake

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DirtyDancing · 02/12/2021 21:29

I am sorry for your loss OP.

If you read this- please keep that advent calendar. You might be strong enough to know what to do with it this year, or even next. But one year, It May bring you & your family great comfort to have it as part of your decorations or to even open the doors. Even if it doesn't, please hang on to it x

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AliceA2021 · 02/12/2021 21:29

Flowers take one day at a time

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Coronawireless · 02/12/2021 21:30

I’m very sorry.
And also to @newname1979
You’ll be numb for a while so don’t worry - just do what needs to be done. It’s your brain’s way of protecting itself. Later the grief might come - that’s when you’ll actually need the most support, so if people ask how they can help, tell them it’s down the line that you’ll need them. Childcare etc. The grief will come in waves which are huge at first but get smaller and smaller as time goes on.
And wherever your mum has gone - WHEREVER that may be - you’ll follow one day. Hopefully not for a very long time but you will. If that’s any comfort at all💐

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Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 21:32

There's so many memories.

She was Irish. A proper 'Irish mammy'. I have had so many calls and texts to from work as she used to bake for my favourite departments if they were visiting head office where I was based.

She would have lists of who was who and who had already tried certain baked goods so she could do something new.

She spent her life living making people happy. She adored her grandkids. Especially my dd who was the only one for 7 years. She already had boxes of things ready for dd for uni, next year. Dd is going to study law and my mum was bursting with pride.

Dad has been in the safe at their house and found mine and my sils 40th birthday presents for next year. And my dds 18th for next year.

I highly suspect she knew how ill she was. All the Christmas presents are wrapped with her writing on.

Dp is being great. Things he doesn't know 2
What to say. As soon as I got the call he came home, picked ds (10) up and fed him., ran him a bath. Keeps checking on both kids. It's all very practical. But it's helping.

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TyrannysaurusXXrightshoarder · 02/12/2021 21:39

I don't know what to do. Leave it unopened. Give the items to my dd (17). The box is reusable. Do I reuse it for dd from now on. She helped pick it
There's no right answer

No there isn’t. Maybe open them all yourself and use them and think of your lovely Mum when you do? But do remember, whilst you think right now there’s no right answer - be kind to yourself and know that whatever you do, there’s no wrong answer either. ❤️

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CaribouCarafe · 02/12/2021 21:39

She sounds like a wonderful person and an amazing mother. So thoughtful of her to have planned all these things in advance and lovely to know that her presence will still be there at these next few big events

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