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I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.
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Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 19:39

Hi, I don't know why I am posting. My kids are devastated, dp doesn't know what to say.

She was fine til a few weeks ago. We booked theatre tickets to her favourite show for next year. Then she struggled to breath and go diagnosed with asthma.

Today, I spoke to her. She had opened door number 2 on the Advent calendar I got her. It was a conditioner. She was going to wash her hair and use it.

Before she got to the shower, she couldn't breathe. Dad got her inhaler but it didn't help and he called an ambulance. They arrived quickly, she collapsed and stopped breathing and they couldn't get her back.

I walked into their house and she was gone. She was in bed, the ambulance people still there.

I have had to phone family. Dad is worrying that she had a hair appointment booked and I can't get hold of her hair dresser to cancel.

Dad's broken. I am just sat feeling numb. I should be in pain and know it will probably come. But I don't want it to. I want to be numb forever.

I keep getting upset over the Advent calendar that will remain unopened from today. It was meant for her to treat herself. To pamper herself. And now it's just there.

I don't know what to do. I don't how she was here and then she wasn't. I miss her already.

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SunshineCake1 · 11/12/2021 18:27

I am so sorry for your loss @Darkpheonix. Your mum must have been so special for your children to be so close to her and your dad too.

My children only have one set of Grandparents due to my parents abandoning me so it is lovely to read of a grandparent who really did love the grandchildren.

The post about your mums text only just coming through made me well up.

Take care of yourself Flowers.

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Darkpheonix · 06/12/2021 13:25

@CaribouCarafe

Haha sounds just like my mum- her laptop has so many things on the desktop that it is 3 icons deep in some places Grin.

Hope things are feeling a bit easier today for you

That's my dad's laptop too. 🤣

This morning was bad. Not as bad now. Uo and down. Which I expect I will be for a while
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CaribouCarafe · 06/12/2021 08:39

Haha sounds just like my mum- her laptop has so many things on the desktop that it is 3 icons deep in some places Grin.

Hope things are feeling a bit easier today for you

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Darkpheonix · 05/12/2021 19:58

Just going through mum's phone looking to see if we are expecting anymore deliveries.

She had over 300 tabs open. At least 90% were amazon tabs 🤣. She always complained that her phone was slow. No we know why. Smile

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Darkpheonix · 05/12/2021 18:06

@rainbowstardrops

Aww. I would take that text as a sign that your mum is ok but it's obviously hugely upsetting.
I've lost my mum (and my dad recently) and my heart is honestly going out to you all Thanks

I am so sorry. That's horrific. Sending yiu my love.

I spent sometime with dad sorting Christmas presents. Picking up a delivery that mum had delivered to the local Asda.

Some presents for dad so I have brought them home to wrap.

I managed a nap and a good long cry. My best friend (also dps sister is coming round tomorrow).

I am going to do some work tomorrow. I don't have to but I have some reports to do and it might help. I wfh so no one to face. Can just sit and do a bit, then do a bit more when I feel like it.

Just going to see how it goes.
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JacquelineCarlyle · 05/12/2021 13:32

I'm so sorry for your loss Op & as hard as it is, what you're going through is normal so please be kind to yourself. This isn't something that you can fix sadly- it's something that must be endured and so I'd say to do whatever you need to in order to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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rainbowstardrops · 05/12/2021 13:04

Aww. I would take that text as a sign that your mum is ok but it's obviously hugely upsetting.
I've lost my mum (and my dad recently) and my heart is honestly going out to you all Thanks

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ArblemarchTFruitbat · 05/12/2021 10:44

What you are feeling is totally normal. If what you are feeling is that you just want to sit and cry, then that's what you need to let yourself do, without feeling bad because you can't fix it.

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Darkpheonix · 05/12/2021 10:17

My brother says she is letting us know she is OK.

I am just not sure how much more I can take. Ds is currently distracted by an event on fortnite. Dd is at my dad's. Dp is at work and I am just sat crying.

I have always been that person that fixes things. Whatever is going on I can always look at a situation and find a way to resolve it. Its actually my profession.

Mum was like that too. Ds called her 'the fixer'. I can't fix this and I feel so out of control. I feel scared.

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Eliphanbee · 05/12/2021 10:07

I'm so sorry ❤ sending lots of love to you

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ForensicFlossy · 05/12/2021 10:05

Thinking of you xx

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CloudyStorms · 05/12/2021 10:02

What a heartbreaking text to receive but yes very poignant.

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CaribouCarafe · 05/12/2021 09:12

There's something poignant about the "it's all fine now". I hope the text can bring comfort with time

I was heartbroken when my WhatsApp deleted all the messages my friend had sent me before they died. I used to take comfort in rereading our old conversations (mostly a load of nonsense about him becoming a billionaire and buying buying castle and putting me in the attic to be the resident mad wife Grin).

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Darkpheonix · 05/12/2021 08:24

Ds broke something at muns last Sunday. Dad fixed it. She then called me to say she had lost ds number. She wanted to text him to tell him its fixed and it was all OK.

Ds never got that text. But it came through this morning. No idea why it's taken so long. It's just says 'Hi darling. The light is fixed. It's all fine now xxxx'.

Its absolutely broke ds. For a few seconds ds he seemed to think she wasn't dead. Then realised it was an old message.

I just feel awful for him.

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Darkpheonix · 04/12/2021 19:54

Thank you.

@mrssunshinexxx and anyone else. I am so sorry for your losses.

Me and dd ended up at a shopping centre. I got her some stationary for college and picked up a few presents that were on mum's list that she hadn't got yet.

I have been talking to my dad and he thinks she knew, on some level. Somethings she has left a mess. Drawers of her baking things for example.

But the kids 18th presents have all been sorted. Even though 3 are 10 and under. She had a list of the bank accounts and bills that need moving into dad's name. Dad said she has spent the last year clearing the house of stuff they did need and kept telling him they had to get the house sorted because they couldn't leave us to sort all their stuff out.

She had some massive pieces of furniture, which she had sold. Her jewellery is sorted into batches.

Its like she died in the middle of preparing for it. I am just hoping she wasn't hiding a diagnosis from everyone and this was just a coincidence or a subconscious thing.

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Igmum · 04/12/2021 15:42

Sending love ❤️ Thanks

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Echobeachsomeday · 04/12/2021 15:41

I'm extremely sorry for the loss of your mum op ❤️Thanks

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YokoOnosHat · 04/12/2021 15:31

I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.

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mrssunshinexxx · 04/12/2021 15:23

@Darkpheonix I just wanted to send my sympathies and love to you. I too lost my amazing mum last April she was only 63 I was 6 weeks off having my first baby. She was texting me totally normal at 2pm then by 6pm she had been taken to hosptial with a huge bleed on the brain we were told overnight would be critical .. no bad news over night I really thought she would pull through she was strong as an ox in every way ... 6.45am came and I got a call from my sister to say she had gone. It has changed me forever I don't even think I've accepted it still 18months on. I miss her unexplainable amounts. I know this doesn't make it any better but you are not alone. Feel free to PM me if you want to x

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pickingdaisies · 04/12/2021 13:05

@RandomMess

The advent calendar- you known your Mum got 99% of the joy the moment you gave it to her, isn't that so precious 💕

This.
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Darkpheonix · 04/12/2021 12:14

Just getting dressed to head out...not sure where

I cant thank you all enough, for all your kindness. Its really helped me through.

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shiningstar2 · 04/12/2021 10:24

So sorry for your loss op.

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rainbowstardrops · 04/12/2021 10:20

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve because we're all different but there's no shame in crying in front of your children. I lost my lovely mum 16 years ago and my dad 3 months ago and I'm always blubbing! I can't help it.
Go easy on yourself and do whatever you need to do. Take care Thanks

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CaribouCarafe · 04/12/2021 10:07

@Darkpheonix there's no correct way to grieve. If you need time and space to cry I think it's healthy to do so. I also don't think it would be damaging for your kids to know that you are - as long as you keep some communication going with them to let them know you're otherwise OK.

I do think it's a shame that we've lost some of our mourning rituals as a society because I think having some level of structure and outside recognition and help was beneficial. I think nowadays people tend to feel so lost when they lose someone as noone around them really knows what to do either

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Newnamefor2021 · 04/12/2021 10:06

I'm so sorry OP

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