@Testarossa44
I remember receiving my mum's death certificate I haven't looked at it since I had to take it to the bank to close her bank account. There are many things just lying un dealt with. Mum's hospital bag with her toiletries still inside is in my cupboard in my bedroom. Mum's wheelchairs are at my dad's and all of her belongings in boxes and suitcases. I think that probably they will remain like that for years. I don't want to put anything out so these personal possessions of mum's just lie there untouched.
I was thinking last night that it's been just over 7 months since I seen my mum alive. In my whole life the longest time I have gone without seeing my mum is 4 months when I was in my 20's and worked abroad but we spoke often and wrote to each other. I think about getting older and in 10 years time it will be over 10 years since I seen my mum alive it seems impossible to imagine going through life that long without seeing her.
We are in Dubai we arrived yesterday we are staying with friends. I did no planning for the holiday arranged absolutely nothing and had no excitement about the impending trip. It's horrible how grief can strip you off emotions.
I had a really difficult couple of days before we flew out a mixture of guilt for going away and needing to talk to my mum about the holiday she was always interested in everything me and the kids did.
Sometimes I find myself blankly staring just feeling this overwhelming sadness sitting on my shoulders all of the time making it impossible to feel any happiness.
My friend have an itinerary of excited thing to do while we are here but I just feel flat like a deflated balloon. Am either over emotional and upset or totally numb like a robot.