My partner killed himself today

[ForgedInFire]

We have 3 young children. One is only a baby. My username is after his favourite TV show and he was so excited to watch a new episode just last night. How is this possible. I haven't told my kids yet and I don't know how I am going to

OP I'm so very sorry. No one should have to go through this. Please keep posting if it helps. Hope you can get through your first day alone with the kids ok xx

Oh gosh. Tough day. X

Pop back if you want to talk.

I've been going through 100 emotions a day. Earlier I was crying and longing for him. Now my main emotion is anger, really. We were barely scraping by before and now I have to find some way to support our children. Probably going to end up being evicted and hope the council will help because the rent is beyond me. I've learned that MN is right about one thing- being an unmarried SAHM was an extremely foolish life choice. I was looking forward to looking for a job in September when we would only have one child to put in nursery but now I'm dreading having to juggle everything by myself and finding a job that will work around the hours I need

Oh love. I'm not an expert in those things. I'm sure someone will be along who is.
But you're not going to be evicted today or next week. This week, money can wait.
When you're ready, Citizens Advice might be a decent first call.
It must feel like the weight of the world. I can't imagine.
Are you managing to sleep OK?

I think feeling anger is completely normal and valid. Have you got family that can help you? When my brother killed himself, my SIL felt she couldn’t ask for help and we didn’t push in case she thought we were saying she couldn’t cope. Communication fail while we were all wading though grief. Thinking of you

Glad I found this thread again. I was thinking about you yesterday and hoped you were doing ok.
Have you been organising the funeral?

Everything got a bit delayed because of the coroner. I'm going in tomorrow to start planning the funeral. I'm just sick with guilt and regret. I can't believe that I didnt see this coming

@ForgedInFire

Everything got a bit delayed because of the coroner. I'm going in tomorrow to start planning the funeral. I'm just sick with guilt and regret. I can't believe that I didnt see this coming

You didn't see it because he didn't want you to. That's not on you. Please try not to let guilt overwhelm you. It is not your fault. Categorically. I hope in time you can accept that. X

You didn’t see it coming because he didn’t want you to. When my DB took his own life the support services all said the same- when someone has made that decision-sometimes days or weeks before actually doing it- they have an inner calmness as they know their suffering will not last forever. That is how many many families miss the signs and have no idea that it was going to happen. I promise it will get easier with time but for now take one step at a time XX

@Lifeispassingby

You didn’t see it coming because he didn’t want you to. When my DB took his own life the support services all said the same- when someone has made that decision-sometimes days or weeks before actually doing it- they have an inner calmness as they know their suffering will not last forever. That is how many many families miss the signs and have no idea that it was going to happen. I promise it will get easier with time but for now take one step at a time XX

I think you are right. He seemed fairly happy the last couple of days but now I see he was reluctant to make plans or commit to the things I was asking him to do.

How did you get on with the funeral planning today? I know it must be hard.
How are the children?

The children are doing well thank you. I've noticed the oldest getting a bit quiet. It feels surreal to be talking about their fathers funeral to them. Funeral is planned but having problems finding somewhere that is doing wakes at the moment

Is that due to Covid restrictions? I know a lot of places around here can't open at the moment and this is due to them being understaffed, as staff getting pinged via the app etc
They don't have staff to open.

Do you think the children understand? I know they must be on school holidays too.

Yes due to covid. I think they do understand death because they have lost relatives before but I don't think the enormity of never seeing Daddy again has really settled in. I can hardly comprehend it to be honest

My 6 and 4 year olds both handled their brothers death very differently. The 6 year had trouble with her emotions but my 4 year old showed it in other ways like regressing to wetting the bed at night.

I am so sorry you are going through this OP, I find that anger lives very close to my sadness in grief and often comes out first.

I hope you had some support for your rental situation, did you manage to speak to someone?

Bless them, how long ago was it? How are they doing now?
I've applied for some extra help with my rent hopefully I will hear soon. Family have really come through for me and several have helped me financially which is so kind. I probably will still have to move long term but I can't even think about stuff like that right now this funeral is sucking all of my energy out of me