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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My partner killed himself today

216 replies

ForgedInFire · 30/07/2021 20:45

We have 3 young children. One is only a baby. My username is after his favourite TV show and he was so excited to watch a new episode just last night. How is this possible. I haven't told my kids yet and I don't know how I am going to

OP posts:
wasgoingmadinthecountry · 30/07/2021 21:37

So sorry. He must have been in an absolutely dreadful place to do this to people he loved. Absolutely nothing you could have done about it. It was entirely his decision and in the state of mind he was in he made the decision he did. Awful awful. I do hope in time you get some small relief from knowing how close he was to you all having that conversation with his children. Sending thoughts to you all xx

Brackenandbramble · 30/07/2021 21:39

I'm so sorry to hear this, I have no words. I'm glad you have family around you. I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your children.
I'll be thinking of you and your family, so sorry.

ExpatForLife · 30/07/2021 21:40

I'm just... so sorry.

MB58 · 30/07/2021 21:41

This is so sad, I'm so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you all Flowers

AbsolutelyPatsy · 30/07/2021 21:41

I am so sorry op Thanks

Jumpalicious · 30/07/2021 21:41

I’m so sorry. Thinking of you 💐

Squiff70 · 30/07/2021 21:42

I am so so sorry to read this OP. It must have come as a massive shock. Give Suicide Prevention UK a shout on Facebook or ring Samaritans on 116 123. They will talk it through with you and may have ideas on the most gentle way to tell your children. My heart goes out to you. Flowers

Wineat5isfine · 30/07/2021 21:42

Oh gosh, I’m so, so sorry OP 💐

I’m glad you have family around you and hope they can provide comfort and support at this awful time.

I don’t know you, so won’t even attempt to understand your situation or how you feel, but my heart goes out to you xx

Chickoletta · 30/07/2021 21:43

Please know that there are lots of us, all over the country who are thinking of you, sending you strength and virtually holding your hand through this.

justabigdisco · 30/07/2021 21:43

Not a partner/father but I lost a relative to suicide. I think it’s a grief like no other as carries so many difficult feelings. My eldest was 5 at the time. We, like a PP, told her that he’d died because he was very ill, we knew he was poorly but we didn’t know how poorly (which is all true). It was my husbands uncle so not super close to her but we will tell her when time is right

Cornwallnewbie · 30/07/2021 21:43

So so sorry xxx

StrawberryFizz26 · 30/07/2021 21:44

I'm so sorry.
I recommend, like others Winstons Wish. They are a Brilliant charity for this situation xx

bloodywhitecat · 30/07/2021 21:44

I am so sorry Flowers, sending you strength to get through the coming days and weeks.

Lovemusic33 · 30/07/2021 21:45

So sorry for your loss, my exh lost his mum to suicide when he was 12 years old. With such young children my advice would be to tell them daddy was poorly and passed suddenly, they are so young and would struggle to process suicide.

I’m glad you have lots of people around you to support you, the next few days/weeks/months are going to be a roller coaster or emotions Flowers

PopAyetheSailorMam · 30/07/2021 21:45

Sorry for your loss. www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/

dontblamemee · 30/07/2021 21:45

@ForgedInFire I'm sorry for your loss.

My husband died by suicide 4 years ago. Our children were 5, 9 and 12.

I still can't get my head round it. My heart goes out to you.

Lifeispassingby · 30/07/2021 21:46

So sorry to hear this, my brother took his own life in 2014. He had an8yr old daughter. As a family we found SOBS a great charity also Winstons Wish as others have recommended. We had no idea my brother was depressed or suicidal at all and the shock was the hardest part of it all. Bereavement by suicide is very different to other bereavements in my opinion. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that you do, there are a wide range of them in these circumstances in my experience.

WetBench · 30/07/2021 21:46

I’m so so sorry, do/say whatever you need to, there is no right/wrong things to say or way to act, I’m glad your family are with you.

Treesinthewind · 30/07/2021 21:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. My 4 year old son's father took his own life in December. Winston's Wish are an amazing charity. If you call them they will send you a pack of books including information on how to talk to children about suicide. Their advice is to be as honest as you can. My son knew that his dad had been very ill with a disease called depression and I told him that sometimes when people are very very sick with that it can make them decide that they don't want to be alive anymore. I haven't elaborated on that, but it's formed an honest basis for when he's old enough to know more.
Make sure you eat. I drank a lot of sweet tea to help with the shock.
You should get a family liaison officer to help guide you through things like the inquest.
More than happy to answer any questions you have

Olny · 30/07/2021 21:47

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Dindundundundeeer · 30/07/2021 21:47

Depression is an awful illness and when someone dies from it, is very shocking. Don’t blame your DH, blame the illness. No one berates cancer victims when the illness kills them.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/07/2021 21:48

OP, my DM has tried to kill herself a few times and she's told me was just in that moment where she felt like she had to. It may have been a spur of the moment thing.

I am so so sorry you're going through this, I've got no advice at all but I wish you and your children all the best. It's a horrible thing to go through, so much will be going through your mind. Be kind on yourself and make sure you look after yourself Flowers

Crazycactuslady · 30/07/2021 21:48

So, so sorry Flowers

beigebrownblue · 30/07/2021 21:48

Very sorry to hear this.

There is an organisation called 'Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide'.

they have a helpline run every day and support groups.
uksobs.org/?doing_wp_cron=1627678006.3822081089019775390625

Sadly with the last couple of years this is increasing.
Please try to contact them.

Thinking of you all
hope this helps a bit

Greydog · 30/07/2021 21:48

I am so very sorry x