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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

968 replies

Mummylin · 10/02/2021 20:40

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 29/07/2021 18:20

Lovely news @mrssunshinexxx

Some light in dark times? (along with your other DC of course) Flowers

LittleMissPeggySue · 29/07/2021 19:01

I've just found this thread; I lost my dad at the beginning of September last year. Coming up to a year now and I'm dreading it.

Crunchymum · 29/07/2021 19:39

@LittleMissPeggySue

I've just found this thread; I lost my dad at the beginning of September last year. Coming up to a year now and I'm dreading it.
Bless you. I lost my mum - very suddenly - on 21st September last year and I can feel my anxiety building already.

I can barely believe I've lived a day without her, let alone almost a year.

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 19:42

Me too x @Spiritwriter people around me take their parents for granted all the time it's hard not to say something but I don't. I am NC with my dad following many things so it truly feels like I have no parents I aren't sad about my dad though just shattered by the absence of my mum. Death is just so so final when I let myself go to that place that I will never ever ever see her again it hurts so bad and I'm in floods of tears just typing this .
Wow I loved her deep she was the best x

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 19:43

Thank you @Crunchymum definitely some light I just hope I have a similar relationship with my girls (another daughter on the way) That I had with my mum I pine for it.
Totally know what you mean about living so long without them when I'm the beginning it seemed impossible

LittleMissPeggySue · 29/07/2021 19:54

@Crunchymum I'm so sorry for your loss. I've found that I can be absolutely fine but then the enormity of him not being here any more hits me again. I can't quite get my head round it, feels like I'm living someone else's life and looking in on mine.

We're trying to organise his wake for the anniversary, will give us all something to concentrate on and we can finally do it. Obvs limited to 30 at the funeral so couldn't give him the send off he deserved.

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 21:12

@mrssunshinexxx I'm so sorry. I know how that is. The tears as you write. Go and hug your baby. Your mum will be so thrilled you have daughters. May your lives be close and full of love. I am sending you so much love, wishing you so much peace and strength XXX

@brillig yes, it's that cardi. I have a friend who is actually going to meet me about it. My other friend hasn't followed it through. Disappointing, but not really surprising.
#crunchymum I know what you mean about that anxiety. I felt that too. It was awful. I went very reclusive. Even more so! You WILL come through the other end of that day. Message here as much as you need to. I felt lots of anxiety and my dad didn't understand it. Not did a Dr who I saw about asthma. He said grief doesn't cause anxiety. Er.....wrong. but whatever.

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 22:36

@Spiritwriter thank you, and to you and yours . My dad messaged tonight I had blocked his number but didn't know you had to block seperate on whatsap to say he's asked his new woman to move in with him and a friend in the village has said she saw him at the tip getting rid of loads of stuff like carpet . Mum was always asking to do things to the house but he could never be bothered. you are all going to think I'm awful but I think I'm starting to really hate him. I never want to see Him again

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 22:36

Why was it her and not him. Why

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 22:40

@mrssunshinexxx I do not think you're awful at all. I think the situation is awful and I hate that you have to deal with the pain of this on top of your grief for your awesome mum.
I can completely understand your feelings. Absolutely. Message me anytime. Honestly. Xxx

mrssunshinexxx · 30/07/2021 13:05

@Spiritwriter thank you so much x

mrssunshinexxx · 30/07/2021 13:06

This hits the nail on the head

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread
Spiritwriter · 30/07/2021 13:23

@mrssunshinexxx yes. This.

Crunchymum · 30/07/2021 14:34

Just to reiterate what I've said all along about your Dad @mrssunshinexxx

He's behaving incredibly selfishly and being really neglectful of your needs and feelings. I'd be heartbroken if my dad had behaved in this way (it's not not meeting another person that would bother me but the lack of consideration and the timing of it all etc)

You've shown great fortitude and sense if character to go NC and I hope he soon realises what a selfish arse he is being and tries to make it up to you.

In the meantime concentrate on what truly matters - your little (growing Grin) family Flowers

mrssunshinexxx · 30/07/2021 15:02

Thank you @Crunchymum you are so rights

RaspberryMojito · 30/07/2021 22:27

Hi all. I am really missing my Mum this evening. It’s been six weeks since she died. Sometimes I feel ok and then it hits me like a huge wave washing over me. I can’t believe it. I think I think she’s just gone away for a while and that she’ll be back soon.

Thoughts with everyone going through the same.

mrssunshinexxx · 30/07/2021 22:40

Hugs @RaspberryMojito it's just unbelievable isn't it and so so unfair

Ttc42nearly43 · 30/07/2021 23:23

Does anyone else still think constantly how the hell has this happened and how am I meant to live the rest of my life without my mum? Some days I just can't get my head around it all. Mum not existing anymore how can it be? I just can't believe that my mum is gone. It will be 5 months on 5th August and it still feels like I should wake up from this nightmare. Am not used to living without my mum I have had her in my life for 43 years what am I supposed to do with the next however many years I have left without her?

Ttc42nearly43 · 30/07/2021 23:33

@RaspberryMojito
I feel the same it's like my mum is away for a bit but not that she's gone forever. Even tho I was there when she passed away and went to the funeral home everyday it feels like this all happened to someone else. Am not sure when actual realisation will hit or if this is just my mind's way of coping with what has happened?

Ttc42nearly43 · 30/07/2021 23:49

@mrssunshinexxx

Congratulations on baby number 2 this is great news. I have been TTC since a miscarriage last march but I have given up now this would be baby number 3 for me. I have resigned myself to the fact that am too old am now 43 so much has changed since my miscarriage. I never told my mum I was pregnant or had a miscarriage as I wanted to protect her from the pain I didn't see the sense in upsetting her as for me this was miscarriage number 4 over the years.
Since mum died I have been wanting another baby even more I feel like I need something to fill this huge big hole in my life. I went to see my GP who told me to go on the pill and that I had been through enough that I needed to give myself a break and concentrate on my marriage and children. I imagine that she is probably right with the advise has given me each month it gets harder when I get my period it's like my heart gets broken all over again. I went to see my GP for some help to get pregnant and what she said just feels like another loss. Like a failure as a woman my body is too old to reproduce anymore. I believe this is a loss too.
For you this new chapter in your life in a way will help heal there is nothing like a mother's love. I know you will want to share your new baby with your mum but what you can can share with them is all the things your mum shared with you when you were growing up. I talk to my kids often about their granny they are older 7 and 5 so knew their granny well. I hope when they get older they will remember her. I think my eldest will am not too sure about my youngest.

It sounds like even through all of the sadness there will be some light at the end with this new arrival in your family.

mrssunshinexxx · 31/07/2021 01:23

@Ttc42nearly43 yes I feel exactly the same. When I see the same model car she had I FULLY expect it to be her waving frantically at me as we pass each other odd madness how cruel the brain can be. I mean o saw her in the chapel of rest and kissed her freezing cold face , I know she is dead but my mind doesn't want to catch up. Horrid.
Thank you so much and I am so sorrry for your losses I feel very lucky not to of experienced miscarriage sadly they are so common I don't understand it. You just never know what will happen can you stay off the pill and leave it to fate to decide ? I hope your children remember your lovely mum I think that would be a great thing for you too as they get older. Sadly mine never met so we don't even have a photo it's so final. I can't believe she will never meet my children I've been thinking about birth this time section or VBAC after emergency last time I am pining for my mum I so so wish she was here to be my birth partner, best friend and biggest support. I ADORE my baby like I can't put into words I love her more every day when I don't think it's possible and I can't say this in real life no one would understand but I don't think I'll ever love anyone like I loved my mum I was totally obsessed with her even at 27.
Sobbing in bed at 1.22am, ah grief it never leaves us

kittlesticks · 31/07/2021 06:46

@RaspberryMojito yes - it's been nearly 7 weeks for me and I have the same feeling. I know she's gone but at the same time I don't want to live the reality of it.
I also suffered multiple miscarriages before having my 2 DCs. They are 4 and 2. My mum was a total force in getting me to be able to have them, paying for private treatments etc. It's just awful that they don't get to know her in their lives growing up. It's a loss I feel I'm grieving on their behalf as they are so little.

mrssunshinexxx · 31/07/2021 07:22

Yes ! @kittlesticks you worded it so well. I feel loss on my babies behalf of what a fantastic grandma they have lost who should of been in there life for years to come.
So sorry for your losses x

Openheart01 · 31/07/2021 09:42

Hello,

I came on here today as I am so lost. I lost my mum 6 months ago and I was definitely the sibling who carried the funeral and the aftermath.

In the past month I don't even recognise the person I am. I have zero tolerance. I am generally annoyed and find it hard to see joy. Up until now I was an incredibly positive person! We lost out on a house move last year and now I've become fixated on what could have been. I feel I'm stuck and nothing positive.
We're leaving on holidays here and I just don't want to go. I'd rather stay in my bed but I've 3 very active children. My husband knows I'm sad but just looks at me sorrowfully and I'm just pushing him away. He suffers with depression and I know he has relied on me in the past but I just can't carry him. I know I'm not pleasant but I feel so very sad. Thank you for reading.

kittlesticks · 31/07/2021 20:31

Hi @Openheart01 I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It's been around 7 weeks for me but I totally understand that feeling - it's like a curtain has been pulled over my world. Everyone else can see me fine but I feel like I've got to operate at full capacity from behind a curtain.