For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

[Mummylin]

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

Just wanted to say thank you all for your kind words - what a lovely, supportive group! x

@Openheart01 lots of love. I think it's very normal if 16 months down the line and I am snappy , angry at the world, my marriage is not what it was before x

Thank you @mrssunshinexxx @kittlesticks @Bob74. I really appreciate your thoughts. I feel I'm in a spiral and just coming up to normality every so often. Kids were in great form and they played outside for hours in the evening. I think I put too much pressure on myself sometimes. Just need to try to be present. I'll be on my own today as my hubby visiting his aunt and she doesn't want to see the kids due to covid! We'll wave from the car window and then I'll take them to the playground but I'm dreading that. I just want to be on my own.

I'm sorry you're carrying the burden, @Openheart01.

I think your comment about being the one to have to be positive is a perceptive one. So many people on here find themselves lost because they don't have all the support they really need after a loss. It's very difficult. Can your DH understand that your feelings are valid? You need time and space to process losing your mum. You shouldn't have to soldier on as though nothing has happened.

I'm interested because I too am the one who's always propelled things along in my relationship and my Dh, although understanding that I'm devastated by the loss of my mum, doesn't really quite get it. I feel I need him to step up in some way, to be the strong one for a while, and he just hasn't done that. The result is that I feel distanced from him and in a very lonely place

@Openheart01
Please reach out to your GP for help it sounds like you need to talk to someone. Talking through what you are feeling should hopefully help even just a little. It's not going to change what has happened but it just might help you move forward a bit. Moving forward can be terrifying I know how that feels. It's been almost 5 months since my lovely mum died unexpectedly. What am struggling with is going backwards am in the process of a phased return to work but I can't go back to my old job so am getting medical redeployment for 6 months in a hopefully less stressful role. Everything serves as a reminder that mum is gone I look at pictures taken when she was still alive pictures that mum isn't even in but just looking at the date the picture was taken and I think mum was still living her life then. Am constantly looking at dates of things for example emails sent when mum was still alive and keep thinking back to dates when mum was still here.
Nothing can ever be the same again it's like a constant sadness hanging over me all of the time. Sometimes I can have days where I go through the motions of life like I was at a wedding yesterday. The bride has also lost her mum and the lite a candle for her during the ceremony. I could see in my friends face the pain of her getting married and not having her mum there. It was complete heartache and I felt every second of that for her as I was thinking about my mum too with tears in my own eyes.

Hugs to you and everyone else on here.

No more kids for me but oddly enough, I too suffered recurrent miscarriage. 5 in total.

Thankfully mum got to meet all of my kids but none of them will remember her. Breaks my heart that she'll never be a memory for them?

@Crunchymum yes same here, I had several losses - I feel like mum is already just a word 'grandma' to my 2 children x

I've been reading this thread from the beginning. So so useful! You guys are just super

Thank you @Ttc42nearly43 and @Crunchymum I really value that my children had a great relationship with my mum. Will look to start counselling on return. I'm usually a very social circle but have certainly excused myself from lots of outdoor meets. I have absolutely zero interest. My family is going on holidays together (we're very close) - I see them lots! But not going this year. Just can't bring myself to do it. So we headed off by ourselves this week. I think it's just self preservation. Thank you for all the lovely posts on here (not just the recent ones!). They make this girl feel I'm not alone. Much love.

@Ttc42nearly43 your post about looking at photos that were taken before it happened and struggling - even if they aren't in the photo - I'm sort of reassured by what you say because I've been doing the same thing. We have photos around the house just of the kids etc and I've been looking at them just thinking I still had my mum then. I thought I was going mad.

Having a horrible day.

We had a cyber attack at work a while back and emails were down, I have just been told we will only be able to get our emails from April 2020 onwards back.

Me and mum emailed every single day, there will be decades of emails that I have lost. I am so upset. I haven't felt like this in months, I feel sick. I can't even speak I am so upset.

(and I know it is my work email address and I probably shouldn't have used it for personal emails but everyone does)

• sorry about a decade worth of emails (no decades)

Oh @Crunchymum that's awful I am so sorry. I'm sending you a big hug. That sounds so difficult and so awful.

Oh my word @Crunchymum that is just so so sad ! Is there absolutely no way they can be retrieved ??

@mrssunshinexxx

Oh my word *@Crunchymum* that is just so so sad ! Is there absolutely no way they can be retrieved ??

We are all working remotely and the IT team has been made redundant (it's all automated now, you have to put in "tickets" if you need help with something)

I will certainly ask, I am just worried that instead of understanding and trying to help, I'll be in trouble for using the resources to send personal emails.

Everyone sends personal emails tho! I'm doing this self torture thing whereby I look for old photos of my mum with the children (in the hospital with them when they were born etc). And I'm at my desk at work, where I really shouldn't be doing that! It's like a weird self punishment thing - the pain is almost physical.
I keep wondering when I will stop physically hurting.

@Crunchymum do you have sympathetic HR who could support you in asking about those emails, maybe. I'm so sorry that's just so upsetting.

What's your work like ? Do you have someone you could trust to look into it for you ? I hope so @Crunchymum

Bless you @kittlesticks

It does eventually stop physically hurting all the time (you still have moments though as my meltdown earlier proves!)

I will look into the emails. I am sure they are there somewhere and I doubt anyone could refuse such a request??? I'll need to let them get the actual essential business up and running before I make my request though [who knew a cyber attack could be so serious, we've had systems down for weeks and weeks now]

After the sadness of a few hours ago - not been that upset or felt that horrid in a while to be honest - I finally pulled my finger out and did an online application for something I'd been putting off.... So some good came of it. It's medical placement for my youngest so something that needed to be done but I was in no hurry.

My mum was a prolific list writer, I loved that about her. I need to channel her organisation a bit more

and thank you for your support and hand holds, it's hard this grieving malarkey. So bloody hard

Crunchy I've just caught up - I'm so sorry about the emails. That is gutting. But it seems very possible that they aren't necessarily lost forever? They should treat this with compassion, it's not as though you'd be asking for all your emails to be restored. Maybe they could download them onto a memory stick or something for you as a special case?

@Crunchymum no harm in asking. I'll send you positive vibes. However know that your mum is much much mire than the words. She's in everything that you do. I know it's hard. I'm a list writer too. Xx

Sat in bed with the toddler who won't go to sleep, typically I would be texting mum to let her know, my eyes keep filling with tears. The toddler wants CBeebies. I keep thinking what would mum suggest. Maybe teething. Might try teething gel. I miss mum so much. It's as if I'm losing something huge from my body and nobody can see it happening. I'm sat at work thinking 'why are you asking me that boring question when you can surely see my soul is leaving my body!'

@kittlesticks teething gel, dark room, hold her hand for a little and close your eyes. You've got this xx

@Openheart01 she's getting there now, DH has gone to the spare room. Hope you get some rest. X