For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

[Mummylin]

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

My mum died 22 years ago, and it still hurts so much- mostly because I am sad for her because she didn't get the nice bits I feel. She died when we were teenagers.
My granny died just 4 years ago- which almost seemed worse as it brought back a lot of pain about my mum.

I have struggled to put into words how I feel and how my grief has changed over the years. I suppose I don't really talk in depth to anyone about it all as I don't want to be the mood hoover.

However I have started listening to a brill podcast - Griefcast. Cariad Lloyd talks to celebs about their grief, some of it is funny and a lot is sad. But it has really really helped me- I suppose I can identify with a lot of their feelings and they have been able to articulate it really well. I would recommend.

Be kind and patient with yourselves x

Sending a virtual handhold to @Kitkatchunkyplease for tomorrow and @frostyfingers for Thursday. It's undeniably hard, there's no way round that, but you will get through it.

I'm at my mum's house for the first time in ages. I had a bit of a weep. When I looked out of the window earlier this evening, the sky was a beautiful soft pink and blue with a rainbow arching over above. I'm not usually susceptible to the idea of signs but somehow it felt oddly significant.

@Kitkatchunkyplease will be thinking of you tomorrow my little one is 3, and a little tower of strength so holding that little hand will get you through

@Chotuladoo

I hope your DH is alright? Calpol and cuddles for the little one. I always hated temperatures with all of mine but in the Covid world they are a whole new ballgame? Hope you get some rest.

I know your Dad is the day after mum. I'm an utter mess to be honest.... How have we done a whole year?

I'm a member of the "3yo" club too. My youngest is 3.

@Kitkatchunkyplease bless her I'm sure she will bring you strength and comfort x
Ah so sorry it's just so hard to wrap your head around when it's so unexpected isn't it ?!
Hmm some do I think yes I just find it the complete disrespect this was less than 6 months after she died following me giving my whole self to my dad doing everything for him and worrying SICK about him daily the stress he put me under nearly caused me and my husband to divorce my husband was so
So cross that he wouldn't step up and parent his children that had lost his mum and were weighing on us so much especially at such a vulnerable time for me I had my first baby 6 weeks after my mum died it was just so so selfish of him I was doing his food shop and cooking
For him 3 days post emergency section I. Never got that baby bubble or time with my husband to soak in what was happening. I am so angry at him for being so selfish when he just suddenly went on dating sites and was 'ok' then moved someone in that fast we are NC now and I am totally at peace with my decision I just wish we didn't live so close my anxiety is high always worrying about bumping into them but we are hopefully moving next year mortgage providing !x

So sorry for your losses @Roonie40 I don't know how I would of genuinely coped in life losing my mum any younger than I did. Your grandma I presume
Was a big part of your life too
Life can be so cruel
Thank you for the recommendation I am definitely going to listen to this

Oh Mrssunshine that sounds so hard That must really sting.

@Kitkatchunkyplease sometimes I wonder if I'm overreacting as my sisters don't seem to care and see him and her / do things with them. Out of interest would you all be ok with this ?

God am having an awful morning I feel abnormal it's my daughters 8th birthday today she's away to school and am sitting here sobbing because I miss my mum so much. Am imagining my mum phoning first thing to wish her happy birthday and us going up to see her and mum hugging my daughter and giving her a present. I can see it playing out Infront of me like it only happened yesterday but am thinking about previous birthdays and there will be no more celebrations with mum now my goodness that is no hard to accept.

@Kitkatchunkyplease sending you lots of love and strength for today 🤍🤍

@frostyfingers sending you lots of love and strength for Thursday 🤍🤍

@Ttc42nearly43 I'm so sorry, that's so hard for you, how are you feeling now?

Does it help to look at pics from previous years? Not sure if that would be helpful today. Hope your ok xx

[quote Chotuladoo]@Ttc42nearly43 I'm so sorry, that's so hard for you, how are you feeling now?

Does it help to look at pics from previous years? Not sure if that would be helpful today. Hope your ok xx[/quote]
Thank you @Chotuladoo today hasn't got any better I had to leave work because I was in such a state. I just miss my mum so much with every fibre of my being sometimes it's scary how painful this all is x

I think significant dates make the loss feel even more poignant and painful. Be kind to yourself @Ttc42nearly43

@Crunchymum yes thanks dh is pulling through (long, long story = tumour) it's been a long day tbh.

So agree with the utter mess feeling, I'm basically trying to put one foot in front of the other (and spent the last year doing so.) I was expecting to feel normalish by now somehow but I don't think the person I was is coming back, I think I'm just an older, more scarred person now.

@Ttc42nearly43 how is work going - are they being supportive? I hope you have a line manager or team who "get it" (so very few people seem to understand the level of trauma and change)

How has the rest of your day been, I'm hoping your able to eat something and try to sleep xx

Thinking of you all today, I’m having a bad one with just so much going wrong that it’s not true, it feels like the whole world is against me right now. I hope that your day @Kitkatchunkyplease hasn’t been too awful.

Thank you. It went really well. We had about 500 in attendance. I had a great time. 😅 That probably sounds ridiculous but I've had such a nice day.

@Crunchymum
Yes your right significant days seem to be a huge trigger or any sort of changes or news in the family. Anything big that I would normally turn to my mum for support is amplified 100 times as the pain of turning and not having her there just takes over.

@Chotuladoo
My work have been great but I have moved into a new team (my choice) a different job with a huge pay cut I just couldn't face going back to my old job so am not the same team for now however I do still keep in contact and see people from my old team most days. Today I was a wreck but I managed to finish my working day alone at home well me and my dog so that I could keep crying without having to keep everything pushed down that's so exhausting. I didn't want to go but my husband suggested we went out for pizza with our kids for my daughter's birthday I forced myself to go for them. Sometimes I feel like a shell of my former self am either overly emotional and crying or shut off completely like an emotional stone. Sometimes like dinner tonight for example I was watching my kids happily sitting next to their daddy and chatting away then there's me sitting opposite them like an outsider looking in on someone else's life. Someone's life that could be good if it weren't for this awful debilitating grief. Sometimes I think I can't cope with the sadness.

@frostyfingers

Thinking of you all today, I’m having a bad one with just so much going wrong that it’s not true, it feels like the whole world is against me right now. I hope that your day *@Kitkatchunkyplease* hasn’t been too awful.

Sorry I feel like my message was so inappropriate after your sad one.

Not in the least @Kitcatchunkyplease - I’m glad your day went well. Celebration of someone’s life is good!

@Ttc42nearly43 what you said about sitting down with your husband and the kids resonates so much with me. I am exactly the same. I sit there and watch them chatting away and I am just quite. I feel I have nothing to share with everyone. Just keep getting the pang of sadness is my chest 😪😪 xx

It's been 3 months since I lost my wonderful Mum very suddenly to a heart aneurysm.
Part of me is wondering how I've stayed alive really, then part of me knows I've had no choice.
Would my mum be proud of how I've coped so far? I don't know.
Sending everyone a hug.

Of course she would @kittlesticks they never would of chosen to leave us x

She would be very proud of you @kittlesticks. You’ve kept going. That is the most difficult thing but you’ve done it

So sorry for everyone who is having a tough time.

And sorry to @Ttc42nearly43 to read that you had a really hard day on Monday. Significant days are when we miss their presence the most and it's so bloody hard to accept that we won't be seeing that person again.

I am feeling it today and my partner is still being completely useless. I'm feeling very resentful towards him for making the last few months, when I wanted to be grieving for my dad, even harder. I went for some counselling this week to think about how to deal with the situation but not sure that it helped very much.