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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

968 replies

Mummylin · 10/02/2021 20:40

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 28/07/2021 20:20

Hi @Spiritwriter ❤️

Spiritwriter · 28/07/2021 21:00

Hi @mrssunshinexxx
Even though I haven't been here, I have thought of you lots X
💓

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 07:49

Thank you and you @Spiritwriter some days I find this thread such a comfort other days it makes my heart break more it's a difficult one x
We have baby number 2 on the way I can't remember I think I told you we were TTC well it happened month 1 so I'm going to have my hands full 👀

kittlesticks · 29/07/2021 07:52

@mrssunshinexxx that's lovely news. I ended up calling Cruse yesterday, I was just having a proper wobble. The lady on the phone was kind.

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 09:38

@mrssunshinexxx hugs X yes, sometimes it's too painful to feel all the loss here.
Love to you and your little ones. You will have so many mixed emotions. X
I have only just got up and feel like such a crap mum. Like I should be baking and taking them out and all super happy. And I've just lay in bed while they had breakfast. I feel so tired all the time, lik I'm heaving my body around, and yet I eat light and healthy.

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 09:38

@kittlesticks thank you. Aw I had 3 weeks of cruse right at the start the lady was so so kind but it wasn't for me or atleast not at that time.

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 09:40

@kittlesticks I gave up on cruse. Couldn't get through and so tried the chat. It was AWFUL.
I must have got a trainee or something. It was terrible. Really bad. I just left the chat in the end after dropping some helping lines to them. I thought stuff this. I'm not here to help you do this.

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 09:42

@Spiritwriter it's normal I know it's crap. I feel like I'm floating around all day . Your children will know you love them so much I am sure and one day when they are much older they might look back on this time and realise the magnitude. Mine is a baby so she's clueless but always comes over to cuddle when I'm crying which is still daily usually multiple times I thought it would of eased to be honest but then I remind myself it's all normal I still feel guilty for having fun. X

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 09:54

@mrssunshinexxx I still cry most days. Sometimes I don't, but that's only recently. And it's through deepened spiritual practice and the fact crying so much makes me feel so ill.
But I still cry. It's got where I feel I shouldn't in front of my dad who comes round every tea time and stays all evening.
It's so hard. It's like we've reached a point where we realise nothing will make a difference. Nothing can change it.
I don't feel guilty if I have fun...I know mum wants me to enjoy my life. So I feel more guilty at the fact I'm not.
I also feel awful when something happens that I would be proud of if mum was here with me, but because she isn't I don't feel that pride.
I'm in a real slump, and my body feels horrible for it. Constantly bloated and stomach feeling bad.
All I feel like doing is staring into space. Reading and having a drink.
I don't do that obviously. But I feel for my kids.
Though I do give them loads of time and play with them
.
But I just don't really know what it's all about. And my husband's family are coming at the weekend and I hate it. So that's building up which I'm better at shifting it and not letting it get me the same it did when mum was here.
So I'm learning from it .

kittlesticks · 29/07/2021 10:16

I'm also a 'parent robot' with my 4 and 2 year old. I'm trying as I know Mum would want me to try. But it's so hard. They are so little, I'm sort of counting on them not remembering this time - but that also means they won't remember much of Mum. That hurts so much.

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 10:46

I absolutely know what you mean. And that is so young.
Mine are eleven,nine, and coming up to 6.
I hatethat my mum might not be remembered. Though to be honest, I think she will. She was so integral in their and mine lives.
I need to get knitting again. That was somethig that helped me through when I was feeling really anxious soon after it had happened.
Sorry for typos. I feel all muggy.
I can talk with mine quite openly, which is good. Bu thhey obviously don't know the extent of it of course. Nor shouldthey.
Love to you all. It must be so hard with really little ones.
It'shard whatever, isn't it.

mrssunshinexxx · 29/07/2021 13:24

I ask myself that so often @Spiritwriter what's life all about ? I adore my babies totally adore them and I guess that must be what life's about but I can't bare the thought of them losing me young. We just never know when our time is up x

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 14:16

@mrssunshinexxx
I know exactly how you feel. In a way, it gives us this gift of being aware of that. Some people aren't at all, and assume they will be here in their eighties and take their parents for granted.
I am finding my way through it all, but I'm right in the bog and the brambles right now.

Brillig · 29/07/2021 15:13

@Spiritwriter you’re a knitter? I am too. I have a big UFO which I haven’t been able to touch because I was knitting it when mum was alive and now she isn’t and I just can’t face touching it, somehow.

I’ve been thinking of facing up to it recently. It’s completely not a summer thing (a long lace wrap) but it feels as though it’ll be significant if I can start it again. Mum and I used to laugh because I took it with me when I visited and I’d show her my progress (or lack of). She taught me to knit when I was little so it’s all quite emotional.

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 15:18

@Brillig sounds similar to us here.
I completely understand your emotions with this. I have a blanket me and mum started together for my youngest.
Also...I found a half finished cardigan which I'd like to finish but don't know how to. There's no pattern to follow... I think mum just made it up!
I wish I could see you and @mrssunshinexxx it sounds like we have lots in common.

kittlesticks · 29/07/2021 15:37

@Spiritwriter @Brillig for me it's my mum who was the knitter. I'm heart broken by all the knitted things she had made the kids. There is so much stuff. There are things she gave me aimed at this winter for my DD. At this stage I don't think I can get them out but maybe in the winter I will, I just don't know how it's going to feel by then, I'm still living day to day.

kittlesticks · 29/07/2021 15:37

Oh and of course their first baby blankets, first hats, etc.

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 15:40

@Kittlesticks it is so precious you have those. They are infused with your mum in so, so many ways. The physical and the heart.

kittlesticks · 29/07/2021 15:42

@Spiritwriter yes, my rational brain says you're right there - but at the moment it's just pain pain pain because they remind me (especially the things knitted for my DD's 2nd birthday, which my mum missed) just remind me of the awfulness of it all. The sudden shock and this earthquake that's completely changed my life overnight. In the winter I hope the kids can wear those things with a lot of pride from me and my Dad.

Dizzybintess · 29/07/2021 15:50

Thank you for setting this up. I lost my dad last August and its coming up to a year since his passing and I can feel myself getting more and more down.
He passed very suddenly, he was diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma in the July and we were unable to visit him due to lockdown restrictions.
It all happened so suddenly and I have asked for support from my GP but was told to just listen to meditation app.
My love goes out to you all going through the same x

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 15:50

It's raw still. It's only six weeks, yes? And if I remember rightly, it was sudden?
You have a lot going on. It's crazy at the very beginning. And those treasures cut deep into the heart.
Goodness, we haven't even done certain things yet...and don't even have any intention of doing them. And it's past a year Sad
Time....really becomes a strange thing. It's just a construct. It says nothing of the heart.

Brillig · 29/07/2021 15:57

@Spiritwriter I think it's coming back to me now....hmmm, we've talked about this cardigan of yours before, haven't we?

@kittlesticks at this stage I reckon it's OK to put those things away for now. You don't have to look at them or deal with them just now, but one day it will be right - yes, maybe in the winter, maybe not quite then, but some time. You'll know when. In the meantime they're safe and waiting.

kittlesticks · 29/07/2021 17:05

@Spiritwriter yes a sudden heart aneurysm x

kittlesticks · 29/07/2021 17:10

@Dizzybintess I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad, I've found this thread very helpful and supportive - do feel free to message about whatever is on your mind.

Spiritwriter · 29/07/2021 18:11

@kittlesticks that is awful. Such a shock. Again, I am so sorry. And like @Brillig said, tuck these things away until the time is right for you. I hope you have support around you. Xx