Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

@wlv12 I am sorry your dad is being an arse and not giving you - his child - the support you need! I think you just need to stone wall this behaviour and every time he does or says anything just repeat "I am sad and I don't have to justify myself" / "stop trying to make me feel worse, if you cannot support me please keep quiet" or variations of this. Do not let him make this harder for you. I am sorry that he needs to have this shitty behaviour pointed out to him!!!

@mrssunshinexxx I remember you saying about you dad, but cutting him out??? That sounds so hard - for you and for him. I hope you can find a way to work it out with him.

I have had a busy few days (I work in finance / sales so its year end close and manic). I have barely thought about mum.

Except when I went into M&S yesterday and saw the daffodils. Nearly just a little happy jump as I love daff's, because my mum loved daff's. First time I have had a memory that hasn't reduced me to tears.... It made me feel comforted. She is here all the time. Within me.

Nearly did* a little happy jump

Aww @Crunchymum reading that post makes me smile about the happy memory of your mum. I dream for the days when I can do that. My mum was just so wonderful it's hard that all thoughts of her are entrenched in sadness at the minute.
What you said is just so lovely to read

Bless you @beeboop2018

I think you are a few months "behind" me and although my memories of my mum are all pretty happy (barring the day she died of course but even that isn't an awful memory) the daffodil experience was the first time I have thought of her and not felt that crushing grief and sadness.

You'll get there at some stage I am sure x

@Crunchymum - yeah I lost my mum 19th November. Some days are just so crushing that I wonder will I ever be able to do what you did. It just was nice to see hope in someone's else's experience. Reading that gave my heart a bit of a lift. Thanks for sharing x

I lost my mum 21st September. So yeah I'm a few months further down the line... none the wiser I hasten to add but getting moments of respite now x

Thank you for reassuring me insomnia is normal wlv12 I hope you are ok xx

Oh be just found this tread.
My dad passed away on New Year’s Eve. Suddenly but peacefully which I’m so greatful for.
I miss him so much

Wheresthehope I am so sorry. My dad also passed suddenly and peacefully on the 28th. To be honest I think the comfort in knowing it was quick and I was able to be by his side is what is keeping me going. Death is so final and it so hard to try and come to terms with it. Xxx

Hi,

Sorry I’ve been quiet for a few days.

I went to see mums body on Tuesday and it was a positive experience as far as these things go. I’m glad I went, she looked better than I was expecting and I was able to tell her all the things I needed to tell her. I did come home and howl/cry/scream with pure grief which I hadn’t expected to do and then I’ve been very low and tearful. Today I don’t feel as tearful ... so far.

I’ve not spoken to dad since, we’ve had a fractured relationship anyway but I just can’t forgive him judging my grieving and talking negatively about mum. I just can’t .

@PhoenixIsFlying - my son has ASD too. ‘Luckily’ he goes to a specialist school and they have been very understanding and haven’t sent any work. My younger son who doesn’t have ASD is in mainstream and they have also told us not to do any work this week so home Ed starts for us next week. Be gentle to yourself, consider letting school know what has happened and do what you can. I too have had insomnia and really struggled with sleeping.

@wheresthehope - I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a few days ahead of you (mum died Christmas Day) so hopefully we can support each other.

@Crunchymum - your post made me smile and filled me with Hope about the months ahead. I’m so glad you had a memory about your mum that didn’t make you cry.

Thanks everyone for sharing and for the replies about my dads behaviour, it really does help xx

Just adding my bit.

Mum had a heart op on 2nd Dec and the wheels fell off, she couldn’t look after dad a second longer who at 89 had advanced dementia. Dad stayed with me 12 days and after days of fights with social services I got him into a local home for respite care.

Last Saturday he was rushed into hospital from the home after becoming unwell. He deteriorated quickly on Sunday and died before we got there. He tested positive for Covid and died of Covid pneumonia.

As well as having to do all the SS fights, helping mum with her recovery and appointments, I am also managing the funeral arrangements on my own and sorting out the estate.

Not a great time for me, every emotion under the sun, sorrow, guilt, exhaustion, worry. Currently running on adrenaline.

So sorry @Neenan that sounds incredibly tough! We are all here to listen x

Thankyou for the support. Dads funeral is today. Just a few hours away and I’m am going to say a few words. I can’t even get through it at home so I don’t know how I’ll cope but wish me luck.
Plus taking a 15 month old!
I’ll be back on later on

You have got this @wheresthehope doesn't matter if you walk through each word it really doesn't x

Good luck @wheresthehope you can do it!!

@wheresthehope thinking of you

Should have been my mothers 60th bd today
Haven't mentioned it to anyone
Not sure why I'm mentioning it in here other then I feel I should be mentioning it somewhere

That's really tough, any anniversary is hard but milestones birthdays in my opinion are particularly poignant and sad 💔@Comps83

Sorry to hear that @Comps83

Your mum was so young

Hope you've found a way to get through the day? Birthday's are so very hard.

It was the anniversary of her death on Saturday
I rang my grandmother on Saturday but not today
I don't really know what to say to her
We didn't have much of a relationship when she was alive and I hadn't seen her for over a year apart from a few hours before she died

Struggling today. It’s been 7 months since I lost my mum. I think of my mum many times every day & thought I’d sort of accepted it. But today the grief has been immense . I have been sobbing like I did in the beginning. It’s not her birthday or any special day...I’ve had enough of her not being here. I need her back, but realistically I know she’s gone. I wasn’t expecting to feel like this now.

@Badgerstmary
I'm 8.5m down the line and it hits me like a train , if I hear her funeral song.. I watched the video of it today and it was a bad bad idea

@Comps83 difficult relationships don't stop grief being just as painful and complex x

I'm sorry @Badgerstmary. It's very hard. I think you just have to go with it, no matter how long it's been or whether you (or others) feel you 'ought' to be getting over it. I don't think there really is any getting over it, because you'll always think of her and miss her.

It was 3 months yesterday for me since I lost my mum, and while the initial devastation has calmed down, I have exactly the same experience as you - desperate moments of grief and crying. In fact I said to Dh that feel as though my brain has split into two - half of it carries on more or less as 'normal' - whatever that is right now - while the other half is thinking about Mum pretty much all the time. It's not a conscious thing at all, I can't seem to stop this.

@Brillig what you have just said hits the nail right on the head for me too I was just brushing my teeth and thought why do I feel so ok it's like auto pilot 50% of the time then the rest it's gut wrenching grief the worst part for me is when I really allow myself to think that I will never ever ever ever see her Again, just typing this has be in floods