Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

It's 18 years for me, and I still miss my Mum, and my Nan, those wise women who loved me and fiercely protected me.

I sometimes can't quite believe it's just me now, and those below me (age-wise)

How can anyone ever get over that a beloved, loving parent is no longer there for them? I just don't know. And one day my own children will be thinking this same thing.

Rubbish, isn't it. Why couldn't we be immortal?

Sending love to you all this is an extra hideous level of grief when they are missing on what is forced by society to be such a happy day
Do what you have to do to get through

Last week we lost our second parent. We lost the first at Christmas too. Both young (early and mid 60s). The pain is physical.

I'm so so sorry. I lost my 64 yo Dad in October out of the blue. We had the funeral on 14 December. The world feels different now. I can't imagine losing my mum as well

Raising a glass 🍷 to all those we love and miss. Happy Christmas to you all. I hope you manage to find some peace and joy this Christmas.

I've just not coped at all today, dad died in September so I just couldn't handle today. Thoughts for all on here x

I lost my mum in November and dad 11 years ago. I've coped today by doing completely different stuff and convincing myself it's just another day. We shall see how that pans out and if I descend into a snivelling mess by bedtime. Man, this is hard eh?

At least that's done now. 1st Christmas without my mum. And restrictions meaning alot of the usual couldnt be there either. It was so hard had to take myself off often to bawl my eyes out. Kept expecting her to come down the stairs at home. At least myself and siblings and other half's bouyed each other up a bit. Hopefully the 1st will be the hardest. Now to have a quiet drink and toast the wonderful woman who I lucked out as getting for my mum.

I too am glad today is over.

I've done so many "firsts" in the few short months mum has been gone (dad and then sister's birthday, mum's birthday, my eldest DC birthday) but this was the one I was dreading. My mum loved Christmas and despite my valiant attempt, it wasn't great for me.

Kids had a good day, DP picked up the slack and I spent a lot of my time "cooking" I actually pulled off quite a nice dinner, so that was something.

Mum's absence has been like a void today and I'm so fucked off that not only is she not here but I couldn't be with my dad and my siblings (tier 4 here and have a self isolating child!!!). Thankfully my dad and sister were together as they are bubbled and my sister is nothing like me - she is eternally positive, joyful, happy and good bloody fun much like our mum actually so my dad would have been grand today (I've not heard so assume they're having a drunken snooze? Or a party, its hard to know with my sister )

So glad I never have to do this first Christmas without her again!!!

Now just NYE and the turn of the last year my mum ever was alive to get through!!

Mainly ok today, until it turned out that an extra present from auntie was one of Dad's favourite jams (he was her brother so I think she just got it because she likes it too!). One of the few things Dad could make was toast; and one of his few foibles that didn't drive me up the wall was food stealing. So this was a symbol of one of the normal parts of our relationship and sad to say I promptly wept over this jar!

My mum died 2 days ago. We are numb, we are devastated. Only child, 2 devoted adult grandchildren. Feels like we are on autopilot

I am so sorry to hear this @Hepzibar

There is never a good time but so close to Christmas is awful.

Just do the basics for now. Eat, drink, rest, tale solace is your family. Put one foot in front of another.

Keep well

• take solace in your family

(Excuse typos in first post!)

@Hepzibar so sorry to hear about your loss. Not surprised you are on autopilot. I lost my mum on 19th Nov and yesterday was a challenge of the highest order. So close to Christmas must be so hard on you.

I'm so sorry @Hepzibar . I can only liken it to feeling literally as though you've been stunned. From my own experience you just have to hang on somehow, it sounds trite but things just unfold despite yourself and as Crunchymum wisely says, you put one foot in front of another in these very early stages. That's all you can do.

for you and for everyone here coping in this especially difficult time.

@Hepzibar You poor thing. The autopilot is a survival tactic. The old, "when going through hell - keep going!" adage is very true here.

Thank you everyone.

Just going to her apartment clearing out the fridge, things that she bought to eat, jars she'd opened and thought she'd be finishing them. Just broke my heart.

It seems surreal.

Ahhh @Hepzibar you poor love. It's bloody awful doing the fridge clear-out. These are the little things that seem to cut most keenly. I'm dreading having to deal with mum's curlers and her little tin full of clips. I keep thinking about them and as I'm over 200 miles away and in Tier 4 I can't even get back to her house; I don't know when I'll next be allowed to.

Go easy on yourself if you can.

Just found this place.

My mum died on Christmas Day of covid. It was so quick but yet agonisingly slow and I am still in shock/numb but broken at the restrictions meaning she died alone.

I really need company and understanding while I grieve.

I am so sorry for your loss wlv12. My Dad died only a few hours ago. I cant take it in. It was my mums birthday and I was cooking dinners to take over there so she didn't have to cook. I didn't know he was ill. By the time I got there he was unable to speak and died quite quickly. I wish so much I had got there earlier. I cant believe he has gone

@wlv12 & @PhoenixIsFlying so so sorry for you both there is no good time at all but those early weeks are brutal.
Sending love , take it minute by minute I hope you have understanding people around you x

Please accept a handhold from me @wlv12 and @PhoenixIsFlying - it is such a massive shock. My condolences to you both. Please accept any help you’re offered right now, you need space and time to deal with what’s happened.

Please keep posting, you’re among friends here

Thank you so much for the hand holding and welcomes. I’ve woken up this morning feeling very weepy and tearful again, yesterday was a numb day.

Phoenix - I’m so very sorry to hear about your dad. It’s such a shock when it happens so quickly. Much love, let’s keep holding each other’s hand.

@wlv12 & @PhoenixIsFlying I am on day 6 from my mum dying. I feel numb, I described it has being on a dazed Autopilot.

Because of Christmas period I have only been able to start the 'admin' stuff today. I can't register the death because case has gone to Coroners Office (she had a fall).

Feels like walking through treacle

Thank you so much for your supportive comments. Just feel dazed and numb. Although my dad was frail for so many years nothing can prepare you x

@wlv12 I am so very sorry to hear of your mum's passing, how utterly terrible for it to have been on Christmas day too.
Since losing my mum, I have found guilt to be one of the hardest of all the emotions to deal with, please try to go easy on yourself. Try to concentrate on the happier memories and don't focus on the end and your regrets easier said than done of course

@PhoenixIsFlying sorry about your Dad, it's such a hard time of year to lose someone and as I said above, please try not to feel too guilty.
No matter how we lost our parent/s, we all wish we could have done something differently or "better" or "sooner"... it is sadly human nature.

Please look after yourselves, do the basics (eat, drink, rest) and get through every hour as best you can. The early days are brutal x