Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

On a practical level, just put one foot in front of the other tomorrow and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel.

I was strangely calm (and very detached) on the day of the funeral but I was an absolute wreck either side of it. Get through tomorrow any which way you can, they decompress and you'll find the strength and courage you need for your medical treatment.

You'll do it because you have to, but you'll do it nonetheless.

Huge hugs for tomorrow

@MustStopSnacking28 I can’t do anything but send you all my deepest sympathies and a quietly supportive handhold.

@muststopsnacking28

That is a lot of shock to deal with. It's no wonder that you feel like everything is crumbling apart.

One moment at a time. Just take it one step at a time. Allow yourself that time to process all of this.

And, I am so sorry for your losses. I wish you love and strength. Xxxxx

@MustStopSnacking28 I am very sorry you are joining us here and very sorry for your losses. I hope your husband will scoop you up as best he can x

Thank you all for your kind words - they have helped somewhat. My husband and toddler are helping me, toddler oblivious which I am thankful for. I am hoping to be calm tomorrow and Friday and to just keep going...there is no choice but to do that I suppose.

My little people have been a huge source of comfort but also a huge source of distraction too. As well as a reason to plough on when I just want to sit and weep have done plenty of that mind

Since mum died my disabled DC3 started nursery. Mum would have been so proud but it's been another welcome distraction and adds about 4k to my daily steps.

That's so so awful Must stop but you will get through because time happens whether we want it to or not.
I'm so sorry though.

Spirit "Death is big. Natural, normal, and very very big" spot on. My Mum died almost a year ago now and the change of season is bringing it all back. The good thing is in a way I'm able to cry at least, which I wasn't at the time. It still feels very superficial, like the outside of me is crying but not the inside, but it's something. It's just some good (I hope) things are happening for me and she's not here to see them and share in it all. I want to talk to her and tell her about this and things like the garden and cooking Xmas pud and cake all myself this year and I can't and I'm sat here snotting about it. Thank god for WFH.

I found this thread yesterday, then my screen froze and I couldn't find it again 🙄

I wish I'd have known about/found it when my Dad passed back in May.

To all of you, I wish you peace.

Thank you to everyone for the kind thoughts, and I'd like to send them back to everybody on here.

I had a strange physical reaction the other night, I was as though my body just couldn't cope any more after a month of tension and stress while Mum was ill, in hospital and then finally died. I started shaking uncontrollably and felt as though I'd never get warm. I crawled into bed and had a night of bizarre dreams that felt as though I was fully awake (I haven't been able to dream about her yet).

It was all so strange. Then the next morning I felt exhausted but a bit better, and was able to talk to one of the medical professionals who'd known Mum for a few years and very kindly answered a lot of my questions about her last few weeks. It helped put things in perspective a bit. I felt so racked with guilt over things I didn't do that might have made a difference. I know I'll always feel that sense of 'what if', but it doesn't seem as though I could have changed much. I'm trying to focus on the fact that we finally managed to take her home and my sister and I were with her.

@MustStopSnacking28 I hope you're OK. Thinking of you.

Thank you so much for all of your kind replies. This is a shit thread to have to join but I am grateful non the less.

My dad’s funeral was yesterday and it was lovely, if he had to have a funeral I think that was the best one we could have given him... in normal times I think there would have been many more people there but I found it more manageable with just the 30 limit in a way.

I hope that you are all able to find peace, I am truly sorry for all of your losses as well.

I will be having surgical management tomorrow for the MMC and I hope to then be able to grieve and try to keep going with my little boy and husband.

I dreamt about mum last night. It was a nonsensical dream but lovely to see her face nonetheless.

Made me feel like utter shit today though.

Glad all went well @MustStopSnacking28

I felt the same about my mum's funeral. As funerals go, hers was lovely.

Best wishes for tomorrow. Keep strong x

@MustStopSnacking28

Thinking of you all.
Today feels difficult.
It... Just doesn't seem real.
I look at mum's photo and... I just can't believe it.

I've just reread one of your posts @Spiritwriter and we'd sadly had to get our 12yo cat PTS exactly a week before mums sudden death.

Mine are relatively young (almost 8, 6 and 3) but I've tried to explain as much as I can to them, as honestly but age appropriately to them. They were here on the day mum died though, when I got that call that had me on my knees. The call that she was being worked on by paramedics. They had to wait with me until my lovely MIL came, they had to witness the sheer mess I was in!!! They seem OK though. I'm keeping an eye on them.

Oddly enough I remember a something similar with my mum... her dad called her in 1988 (I was 8) to tell her he couldn't wake her mum up. I remember as an 8 year child having to comfort my mum as we could hear the sirens of the ambulance that went to help her mum!!! (Who lived for while longer, unlike my poor mum!!)

Sorry I digress... was just thinking how the sadness of losing our beloved cat did feck all the prepare me for what happened the week after

@crunchymum, yes, it's been terribly distressing here. And mum was poorly so it has been a constant worry and watching her decline. But also fight!
She is my biggest inspiration. And my dog was guiding her. Also two other loved one.
Mine are 10,8,and 5. They are my greatest blessings xxxx

@Crunchymum I'm scared to dream about mum
@Spiritwriter I have pictures everywhere my house is like a shrine but I'm not sure it does me any good x

I have a little section, especially for Samhain, with a couple of photos on, and will add other photos of passed loved ones. It hurts, but I am processing... The process of life and death.
And... That does help.
It is just such a strange feeling, those moments of utter disbelief. Shock. Realisation. Surreal.
I have found a half knitted cardigan my mum had started before she felt too poorly. And it is amazing! And I want to finish... But am a basic knitter. Never knitter a garment! But... Now is the time.
Dedication to our loved ones.... 🙏 💕 Honouring our dead.
Our transformed.

I'm glad I've found this thread. My mum died today and I'm feeling devestated. ☹

Oh @Beautiful3 I'm so sorry. You must be in shock. Maybe not right now but spend some time on here when you're up to it. I feel I can turn to this thread for understanding from people who really know what I'm feeling. Things are so raw in the immediate aftermath.

@Spiritwriter there are going to be bad days like this, aren't there? The knitting made me think of a bag of half-finished jumper my mum left - she hadn't done anything to it for years, actually, and we used to laugh about the fact that she'd never finish it. But she just enjoyed the soothing process of knitting, so used to do the odd row. I found it when DSis and I were looking through some of the cupboards after she died. It made me remember how mum taught us to knit, and to sew and bake - all things I really enjoy doing now. So much skill and enjoyment that that she passed on ❤️
I'm sure you can finish that cardigan.

@Beautiful3 wow so soon take as good of care of yourself as you can. Do you have a husband ? Siblings? Is your dad around ?
So sorry x

@Spiritwriter you have such a way with words. I have no doubt you will finish the knitting. My mum kept asking when I was pregnant what she could knit for me and I said thanks but knitting on babies isn't really my thing I regret saying that to her now so much but after she died we gave her knitting bag to her friend and found 2 tiny cardigans she had knitted for me 😭😭😭 things like that always make me wonder did she know she was ill

@Brillig and @mrssunshinexxx thank you for your kind words. I've spent thr whole night crying, but all cried out now. My father is alive still but complety Deaf (uses sign language) and is visually impaired. My siblings never helped them, so I don't expect any help with all the arrangements. I've spent most of the morning talking with various funeral directors. I'm shocked at the expense of it, I know my father cannot afford it. I'm now looking at cremations direct websites, but has anyone on here actually tried one? Thank you for reading all of this xxx

@Beautiful3

So sorry to hear about your loss.

Life is never going to be the same, make sure you give yourself time and space to work through this.

We held a very basic cremation for my mum (at her wishes, both her and my dad made funeral plans a few years back "just in case") and it was still £4k

It is so hard. Today is hard.
Thanks for yiur kindness... I will try and do the cardigan.
I have some regrets...but I know my mum doesn't want me to. She told me as much the night before she died. 😭 I hate writing it! 😢 I feel I expected too much off her... To heal! I did everything I could.
I also wish I had a nice wedding picture with her, but I'd said I wanted candid shots... And they never really got me and mum together which I feel cross about. Typical. She was often pushed out in life. And she never should have been.
I feel angry today. And alone. And grumpy with my little ones.
My family homeopath decided to terminate our relationship last week too. After years and years of a standing order and working with us.
Sorry... This is turning into a rant.
I am so sorry for all your losses 🙏 the expense... The arrangements... The shock.. It's all so unbelievably hard.
Then the processing...
No. Life is never the same again. We come out of this changed.
I'm sorry I'm no comfort today. I am also dreading my husband's mum coming up. I haven't spoken to her since mum went.
She irritates me at the best of times. She is one of these that talks plenty but says nothing. And certainly doesn't listen.
My anxiety at impending visit is rising. As ever. Sigh.

Thanks @Crunchymum. I know what you mean @Spiritwriter, I dont have any pictures with my mum either. I'm really annoyed with myself and sad. Hope you and everyone else on this thread finds peace soon xx