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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My darling son passed away

260 replies

dewisant2020 · 18/02/2020 03:16

I have joined Mumsnet to connect with people who may be in a similar situation as myself.
My DS passed away very recently completely unexpectedly.
Life has been a rollercoaster of emotions ever since, I can't even begin to write down how I feel, I am grieving so badly & days seem so bleak at the moment.
My DS was only 13 and completely healthy, he had his whole life ahead of him and for some reason that's been snatched from him and us.
I miss being his Mum, I miss his smell, his amazing sense of humour, I miss my old life. I wish with all my heart I could turn back time, I am full of so much sorrow and hurt.
I sit here and wonder if I will ever feel happiness again

OP posts:
namechangenumber2 · 26/02/2020 11:33

This is such a sad thread Sad

Thoughts are with you all x

LadyGAgain · 29/02/2020 09:43

@DevastatedandDistraught ThanksThanks

Binterested · 29/02/2020 09:51

dewisant I’m so sorry to read your terrible news. I am angry for you - just reading what’s happened. I can’t imagine your pain but I hold out a hand to you. Sending love and courage to you and your family.

MayFayner · 29/02/2020 10:02

OP I’m so terribly sorry for the devastating loss of your beautiful son. How cruel life is. I’m amazed by your strength.

Satsuma2 · 29/02/2020 10:42

I am so sorry for all the mums on here who have lost their children. Big virtual hugs from me. Please feel free to rage on here. Please tell us about your children, I for one would love to hear stories about them.

Original poster
dewisant2020 · 01/03/2020 09:32

Hello all sorry for the lack of communication, I have had some very tough days indeed where I haven't known what to do for the best, this journey is certainly hard work and to be completely honest I feel I would be better of joining my DS at least then I would be suffering so much.
Not many days left now until the funeral ( I am absolutely dreading it and not sure at this moment in time if I can face going) the celebrant came to my house to get and idea about my DS life so she can write and read a urology at his funeral, I just wanted to scream with pain it feels so wrong.
I have decided I am not going to go and visit my DS anymore he has been dead for a while now and it's starting to show and I am finding it distressing now, the funeral directors have been absolutely brilliant and so very supportive and understanding, I take my hat off to them because that is a job I just couldn't do.
Today I am going to slob out infront of the tv and hope bedtime hurry's up.
I felt so positive only a few days ago, I am
going to my breavement group tomorrow so who knows if they can help abit cx

OP posts:
BunnytheBee · 01/03/2020 11:26

Don’t apologise OP. Just do what feels right for you. There will be people here to support you when you need it. I think not seeing your son again is a sensible decision, albeit a difficult one and one you shouldn’t have to make. After I lost my DD I spent a week seeing her as much as I could and then didn’t see her again until the funeral, which was a month agree she had died, and I think that was for the best, for me. I realise it is not the same to lose a baby as it would be to lose a child you have cared for, for years, so please don’t be offended by my comparison.

Will you be having a burial? Tell us about it if you want to. You might find the build up to the day is worse than the day itself. It’s all inconceivable though and I hope you have real life support that sticks around. You will have good and bad days. This will never go away but hopefully the good days will increase and you will have fewer bad days in time.

fleapriest · 01/03/2020 22:37

Thinking of you op Thanks

minmooch · 03/03/2020 18:57

Such hard hard days op. I felt the same after my son died. But my other son needed me to stay here for him. I've just got through his 6th anniversary. Incredibly hard still but time truly does dull that searing pain. I'm not going to lie, it still hurts but there is beauty and life and love in my life despite the devastating loss of my son. You just have to keep going. Slowly. Some days are easier than others.

The early early days were truly horrific. I felt guilt if I laughed or forgot for a moment. But those moments give your mind a brief respite.

You find strength somehow in the depths of despair. You find strength in the love of those closest to you. You find strength in the kindness of complete strangers. You find strength in other bereaved parents. You will find some strength in the memories of your beautiful son - this strength is the hardest to accept though.

I found my son's funeral a beautiful tribute to his life. It shouldn't of had to happen, so incredibly unfair. Unbelievably hard and distressing but there was beauty and love in the Abbey that was for him and for his family and his friends.

Wishing you love and understanding as you face the most difficult of days x

Binterested · 03/03/2020 19:05

Still here dewisant. I have no experience to share but I have been reading your posts and thinking of you. This must be an impossible pain to carry Flowers

alockwood · 04/03/2020 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
dewisant2020 · 04/03/2020 23:13

Hello all a bag of mixed emotions this evening, as a family we went to see my DS for the final time today before his funeral tomorrow.
I held his hand, I cried, I got angry & I kissed his forehead and told him how very much loved he is and how much I will miss him, it was very difficult leaving him today and knowing that was the last time I was going to ever see my son.
My family and friends and of course you guys have been a tower off support for me and I thank each and everyone off you who's commented.
I wasn't sure if I could go tomorrow but I know I have too, I have to pay my final respects to an amazing son, I am dreading it but it's time now, my DS isn't looking the best and it's evident it's time for him to go on his last journey.
The funeral director phoned me this evening just to go over the plans for tomorrow, they honestly have been so brilliant and I can't even say it's because they're paid too as they haven't charged me a penny just been really really understanding and helpful in every way.
I hope my son has a good amount attend tomorrow (i'm sure he will) and just hope I get through it.
Work phoned me today and asked if I had any plans for returning to work and if they could offer me any support to come back, I was so very angry that today off all days they phoned me, work has been the last thing on my mind and I certainly don't feel ready to
go back yet, I am a registered nurse and would need to be able to concentrate which I couldn't at the moment, I am going to speak to the doctor over the next few days and get a sick note (I hope he does it for me)
Any how with a heavy heart I am going to go up to bed now, my DD has been asleep for ages and the house feels very empty tonight.

Son I loved you the minute I found out I was pregnant, you were the most adorable baby, I use to wake up to feed you in the night and just stare at you and think to my self how lucky I was to have you, I still love you and always will and I still feel like i'm the luckiest mother in the world to have a son like you, you will never know how much I love you, I don't know why you had to go so early I just hope you're in a good place, one day we will be together again.
You will always be my baby boy xxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
Theholidayarmadillo4 · 04/03/2020 23:16

Thinking of you and your son this evening. X

BrigitsBigKnickers · 04/03/2020 23:31

I am so sorry for you terrible loss. I cannot believe that your work is harassing you on the day before your beautiful boys funeral- so totally insensitive. Don't give work a second thought and I am sure your doctor will sign you off for as long as you need.

Hope you can get a little sleep. We will all be thinking of you tomorrow. XThanks

MrsRabbitsCleaner · 04/03/2020 23:35

@dewisant2020 I’m thinking of you, Matt and your DD this evening and will continue to do so tomorrow. I hope that tomorrow goes as well as it possibly can and you feel that it’s a fitting tribute to your lovely boy.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. There are no words Flowers

LittleCabbage · 04/03/2020 23:41

Dewisant I am so sorry that your son has been taken from you so early. Your words for him are beautiful. I'm sure he must have known how much you loved him.

I wish you strength for tomorrow and for the days and weeks and months ahead.

QueenOfOversharing · 04/03/2020 23:42

@dewisant2020 sending love & strength and thinking of you & your DD, and of course, Matt. I cannot imagine the loss of a child, it's unbearable. Sleep peacefully, Matt. May you rest in peace. 🙏🏼❤️

LittleMissGrumpyGrot · 04/03/2020 23:43

I'm so so sorry. May you find the strength you need to get you through the day tomorrow. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks

MammaToBe2019 · 04/03/2020 23:44

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy, there are no words i can give to provide you any comfort but know you are in all of our thoughts. No mother should ever have to go through what you are going through.

PoppleSausage · 04/03/2020 23:47

Sending you strength for tomorrow and all the days ahead. The words you have written to your son are beautiful. He is so loved.

I am so very sorry.

buckeejit · 05/03/2020 09:13

Beautiful words dewisant. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you & sending strength for the day ahead x

Pinkybutterfly · 05/03/2020 09:16

I'm so so sorryDaffodilFlowers I can't even understand how you may feel. Big hugs xxxx I hope you seek professional help to help you cope xxx

K1ran · 05/03/2020 09:50

Can not even begin to put into words how sorry I am to hear of your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today and for days to come.

Layoverlife · 05/03/2020 13:53

Thinking of you Op 😔 I am so sorry for you're loss, sending you and you're family lots of love 💐 Xx

ShesCurly · 05/03/2020 14:27

I am sending you so much love today. Life is so cruel, I'm angry for you and so heartbroken for you. You will always be his mummy and you sound like a lovely one. Thinking of you and DD ThanksThanksThanks

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