My darling son passed away

[dewisant2020]

I have joined Mumsnet to connect with people who may be in a similar situation as myself.
My DS passed away very recently completely unexpectedly.
Life has been a rollercoaster of emotions ever since, I can't even begin to write down how I feel, I am grieving so badly & days seem so bleak at the moment.
My DS was only 13 and completely healthy, he had his whole life ahead of him and for some reason that's been snatched from him and us.
I miss being his Mum, I miss his smell, his amazing sense of humour, I miss my old life. I wish with all my heart I could turn back time, I am full of so much sorrow and hurt.
I sit here and wonder if I will ever feel happiness again

I still can't bear to go through my dds things after six weeks, not even her clothes to choose for a memory bear. We have kept her ashes (other than some for memory jewellery) in urns which just look like beautiful ornaments, no one would know. She's in three locations, home, grandparents and caravan. Keep your mind busy x

I'm having a weep over my morning tea for you and your lovely boy. I'm so sorry for your loss OP, so sorry x

This must be so hard. I can’t begin to imagine. It must feel an extraordinary undertaking even to go to the shops but I sure that’s the right thing to do. Much love to you dewisant

Thinking of all of you who have lost children. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. Love to you all x

How unspeakably awful for you .I cant imagine how you must be feeling .Talk to us here if it helps at all .Sending hugs and condolences to you take care OP xx Life seems so very very unfair sometimes

I'm so sorry for your huge loss and the pain you are feeling.
My DH died and I have a 13 year old son, I always felt I couldn't imagine losing a child, it's a whole different level of grief.
You shouldn't have to go through this. It's unfair and wrong.
I developed a mantra that got me through my bad days, I used to say to myself - this is the worst thing you will ever have to get through - and it seemed to help me realise that I would come out the other side of the pain one day.
Be kind to yourself.

So, so sorry. It’s a loss like no other. My heart breaks for you. I hope there are others who can support you. I believe there are organisations for the parents who are bereaved. As others have said talk about him to everyone. My Aunty lost her son and although she had lost two husbands she said it was the hardest of all. She kept a photo of him next to which there were always fresh flowers.

Hi all I haven't been on here for a few days as there really isn't anything to post.
I've been sorting out things that needed to be done since the loss of my son such as
tax credits etc they were difficult things to sort as it's such a lengthy process & my patience is rather thin these days.
I collected my DS ashes from the funeral directors yesterday which in a strange way as bought some comfort to me having him home with me.
I'm continuing to go to see my grief councillor which does help, it's easy to talk to her and put all my emotions on the table with someone who isn't emotionally connected to me, I would love for my DD to see someone but at the moment she doesn't want to do that & I must respect her wishes.
It's very early days into our journey off grief at the moment and to say things are tough is an understatement, periods of the days are easier than others, I feel like it's waves that hit me, some are easy to ride and others it feels like I could drown at any given moment and I just have to hold on tight & try and ride them out.
I have noticed some people are purposely trying to avoid me at the moment and completely understand why, it makes people feel uncomfortable when death is mentioned and people want me to feel okay, the truth is I don't feel okay & im not going to act like I do to avoid making certain people feel uncomfortable.
My GP signed me off work for a month and was really helpful & said he would continue to write a sick note until I feel ready to return to work & not to rush.
My DD isn't coping so well and I really worry about her, I am helping her as much as I possibly can, we are both in this together.
Today I am going to see my sons farther we split up when my children were very young but he's always been in my children's life and I know he is struggling too, I am not sure what he wants to see me about but I am happy to meet him and tell him anything he needs to know.

OP . Your post reminds me of a friend who lost a child on 9/11 but not in the attacks. He had cancer. I know it was very hard for them that that date means a particular thing to them and an entirely different thing to the rest of the world. They felt even more that they were living on a planet all alone despite the crowds.

I think with all that’s going on in the world today you might experience this also. People are pulling away from each other anyway and add that to people’s ordinary levels of awkwardness around people who are going through what you are going through - it’s going to feel like an even colder world if that were possible.

I hope you can take some comfort from DD and others near to you and the counsellor. I wish I could bring you some warmth. X

So sorry for your loss and the difficulty of going on with life in some way.

As a Mum I cannot imagine the sorrow and heartbreak you are going through..you sound an amazing strong mother and I sincerely hope you and your DD get some kind of peace and calmness eventually 💕💐

This might help your DD if she does not want therapy, whatsyourgrief.com/grief-art-activities/

@dewisant2020
How are you and your DD doing?

Am just checking in op, how are you ? 💕

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Deepest condolences

I can only imagine how awful this must be for you. No helpful words but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. Hugs

I'm so very sorry OP.

I’m so very sorry for your and your families loss. I lost a Ds at three months old it was the worst period of my life. One day one minute at a time. I’m not religious but this helped a lot.

I’ll loan you a child of mine he said
For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s dead
He maybe six or seven years or even two or three
But will you until I call for him take care of him for me
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you although his stay be brief
I’ll have your lovely memories as solice for your grief
I’ve searched the whole world over for teachers strong and true
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes I have selected you
Now will you give him all your love nor think the labour vain
Nor hate me when I come to call and take him back again

It’s a conversation with God I’m sure there’s a bit more but it’s gone at present. I presently have a 14 year old son and am sending you lots of love.

Got it
I can’t promise he will stay since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn

That bit goes before Ive searched the whole world over. Sorry lm not helping maybe someone else can help get it right. It’s much to late I should go to bed. Take care and all help offered sending hugs

I have also kept you in my thoughts this OP 💓

*this year

Last verse
I fancied that I heard them say Dear Lord thy will be done
for all the joy the child will bring the risk grief we’ll run
Well shelter him with tenderness and love him while we may
For all the joy and happiness forever grateful stay
And if the angels call for him much sooner than we planned we’ll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand

Last part is the hardest part

Still sending love. No words, but lots of love nevertheless.