Oh my god ... Help me please I don't know what to do!!!

[Mummy2TandF]

my dh went fishing last night and at 11:30pm I had a knock on the door from the police .... My dh has been found dead on a footpath at the lake They think it was a massive heart attack, a stroke or a blood clot but will do a PM tomorrow, I don't know what to do, I have my family here with me but it is easier to talk on here How do I tell my dc's? WHAT do I tell my dc's - they are only 2.9 and 10 months Will they understand, what are they going to do without their daddy? How will I get through the days without my dh? I know we argued etc but I really, really, loved him and now he is gone Help please

[mistypeaks]

Take your friend up on the offer. You won't be a burden, she loves you and wants to help. How much more of a burden would you be if you had a proper total breakdown, imagine how she would feel knowing how alone you feel. I'm sorry if that sounded really cruel and harsh, but I genuinely just don't want you to be alone if you don't have to be. In regards to the 3 extra mouths to feed, if it makes you feel better, take dessert with you and share the cost that way. I'm sure she won't see any need, but if it makes you feel a bit better . . . please take her up on the offer. When we're physically injured we have drs to patch up the wound, when we're emotionally injured we need friends and loved ones (and time) to patch us up. We're all still here for you and will be for as long as it takes.

[beller]

Sorry mummytotandf - I only saw your post today. Tuesdays are fine with me, although apart from next tuesday! typical....I can drive over to you? anyother time as well. My email is [email protected] if you want to chat or make arangements xxxxxxx

[Mummy2TandF]

Am having a really bad day today, I have just sat and cryed nobody has phoned, nobody has been round, the house is an absolute pigsty (and that's not an exageration) and the kids are just doing whatever they want because I can't be bothered to stop them That is not like me, I am quite worried today as I have never had depression but feel that I may be heading that way and I don't want to

[hazygirl]

if you think you are depressed go see your gp i tried for a few months after jayden died and then i relised i could no longer stand the way i felt,its so horrible and black and you cant understand how everyone else just carries on with their lives ,yours seems to have stopped i know,its ok to cry you need to get it out,its ten months since our loss we have inquest is on tuesday ,id be lying if i said it doesnt hurt now,it does still, sit remember them happy memories, i spend hours doing that on my own,its my time,take care and keep on posting here tgis is a great releasexx

[OmnipotentMummy]

Sweetheart, you have just been through an incredibly traumatic and devastating experience. Of course you are feeling down.

Have you considered calling Cruse as some of the other ladies have suggested? 0844 477 9400 - why not give them a call? It can't hurt. They have some help online - this is about handling a traumatic loss, I think it certainly applies to your situation and perhaps it will help? This is another piece from them, it talks about children as well.

I wish there was more we could do for you

[Spink]

not sure there is much I can add to what the others are saying - try not to feel bad about feeling bad, it is such early days that to expect yourself to not feel down just gives you an unattainable goal - and an extra thing to feel bad about.
I think about you every day and send hugs - even if there are no posts, know that you are in people's minds and prayers
xx

[GColdtimer]

Nothing to add either apart from that you are in my thoughts. It must be so hard and you are being so strong. If you have people around you, don't be afraid to call upon them and lean on them.

From my own experience people do want to help when their friends and family are in crisis, they sometimes just don't know how to. Most people will jump at the opportunity to do something practical like cook you a dinner or look after the dcs for a few hours so don't be afraid to take them up on it.

You just have to take each day, and sometimes each hour, as it comes.

Sending you lots of hugs.

[Mummy2TandF]

Thanks again everyone - I know that I can't expect to feel ok but I have been worse today than I have been yet, and believe me I have had some bad days I think maybe the enourmity (sp?) and reality have hit me, I must have been in shock before. People in rl have been offering to help all the time but when I have felt so down and braved it to phone them, they are busy Of course they are, their lives haven't changed on a day to day basis. I have never been good with my own company and even if Craig used to be asleep on the sofa or out fishing - he was here and I can'r seem to accept or deal with the fact that he isn't

[NAB3]

{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[flowerybeanbag]

Mummy2TandF I haven't been on this thread since the beginning, but just wanted to say I am thinking about you and your DCs.
Please please let as many people help you as possible in whatever way they can.

[Spink]

//[[[[[[[HUG]]]]]]]]]

[ScoobyDooooo]

Oh this is just so so heart breaking to read i am just so sorry.

Have you spoken to your dr about feeling depressed can they help with ad's?

Do you have any of your family around, can they help you?

I know what you mean about people being busy but is there no one who can help? is there not a crisis place or home help place where someone could come in & help with the house work, let you sleep,i am not sure but maybe someone else on mn would know.

If i lived near you i would be more than happy to help & be company but i am surrey.

I am so sorry

How are your dc?

[mylastrolo]

I have no idea what you must be going through you poor thing [hugs] and losts of mumsnet support to you. Take people up on their offers of help and take some time out for you if possible to grieve. Even a hot bath . thinking of you loads

[GColdtimer]

Where abouts are you? I am sure there are loads of fellow MN'ers in your area that would be happy to help out.

I am so sorry that this is the worst day yet. I am sure the shock is wearing off and the reality is setting in. Everything you are feeling is normal but so, so, bloody difficult. I hope you get some practical help from somewhere and perhaps some emotional support from somewhere like cruse.

I feel so for you, I really do. xxx

[Mummy2TandF]

twofalls - I am in Romford, Essex. I am just getting ready to to the jobcentre for an interview to determine whether I am entitled to any berevement payments etc Should be fun with ds running around everywhere

[Spink]

hope it goes ok and they are lovely to you

[Dropdeadfred]

Fingers crossed for you !

[GColdtimer]

I hope it went well and that it has given you one less thing to worry about.

[beller]

mummytotandf - Im only at work until 4, but if you get back in time, come on....i have no computer at home at the moment, so cant pop on, but wanted to know if i could pop round and see you maybe sunday? I f you have an email i can contact you on, I could give you my mobile number?

Beller
xx

[Mummy2TandF]

Oh Beller - I have missed you I had my niece pop over and then I rang Craigs brother and asked him to come over as it has been a month today , he was only here for 45 mins though . I have just put the dc's to bed and ds went to the french doors in the living room, looked up into the sky and started to blow kisses Then he said "I love you Daddy in the moon" That has just started me off for the evening now and I am on my own again! I have ordered the artificial flowers (Can't remember if I posted about them on this thread) I am getting 2x big arrangements in our wedding colours with roses and carnations, 2x smaller baby blue arrangements and 2 x smaller baby pink arrangements - I am going to put one set over the lake where Craig died and one set over the lake where we scattered his ashes
My interview at the job centre didn't go too well - apparently I can claim income support, which will reduce my council tax and pay the interest on the mortgage but because I am a widow it means I am eligable for Widowed Parents Allowance which can't be claimed alongside income support and the widowed parents allowance doesn't affect the council tax or mortgage, so I will have to continue paying both I really don't know what I am going to do

[Hattie05]

mummy2tandf i am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. You sound like you are doing marvellously well and its great that you are asking for visitors and often at these times loved ones are afraid to be around in case you don't want them there. You are doing the right thing by asking them to come.

Regard to the money. What work did your husband do? Is there a benevolent fund attached to his work? Let me know what he did and i'll have a search for you. x

In fact you have probably already answered that in this thread, i shall go back and have a look!

Keep strong x time heals and only time x cry all your tears and talk talk talk to anyone around you. Don't worry about crying in front of your beautiful children. Hug them and cry with them and let them know you all miss their daddy, but you are all strong together looking after each other.

[Dropdeadfred]

Can you do the maths and wok out which benefits are more appropriate for you?

What about bereavement payments for the funeral?

Sorry you're feeling so sad and lonely again.

[Mummy2TandF]

Hattie - there is a benevolent fund attached to Craigs work and they have already helped me out. They have also said that because I worked in the Insurance Industry before having the dc's that they would be willing to help me aswell, so I am waiting for a call from them.
I wish I could work out which benefit would be better for me but apparently the widowed parents allowance takes presidence because that's what I am - To be honest I didn't expect anything else, in the last 2 years life has had a habit of s**ting on us from a great height (sorry about the language) but I didn't think that things could get any worse than this

[onlyjoking9329]

i so wished that i had some wise words for you, something to ease your pain even a little.
i will be around for a few hours if you want to talk i know how lonely you must be feeling.
do you have MSN?